My head is throbbing as though it had spent the night being used as a vehicle counter across the west bound lanes of Interstate 70. Thump thump, Thump thump…My entire body feels limp, like a wet spaghetti noodle attached to a clothesline, blowing in the wind, or Rush Limbaugh’s uncooperative shaft. I can’t tell you how my fingertips feel because they are numb, as is my liver. Dear God, Take me now, Jesus, take me now!!I just had few drinks as I watched the Bengals lose to the lowly Buccaneers. Okay and then a few more as I watched…um…San Di…no, no, Kansas City?...as I watched another game. Just a few doses of Rose sent me on a journey that ultimately wound up this morning in a dark, dark place. I hope the return trip back to normalcy happens soon.
Matt-Man the mighty is no longer. A couple of year’s ago I was 39 years old and pushing 260 pounds. Boy I could really put away the Rose. Nothing could bring me down, because I was the go to guy when it came to partying. “Hey Matt-Man, are you okay?” “Of course dude, this is only my sixth bottle.” Oh yeah, move over Bacchus.
Now we enter the realm of the present. I am 41 years old and weigh about 195 pounds, and I can literally get a primo buzz for $4.29 + tax. When I am sitting around having a few with friends, I don’t think about being two years older and about sixty some pounds lighter. My body certainly recognizes that fact, unfortunately it is usually not until the next morning. To put this in mathematical formula:
(39 + 2) – 60 pounds = A cheap date who can’t hold his booze…
I herby resolve to go Rose-Less today. I will accept my physical and emotional plight without the aid of any bagwine today. I shall remember that whatever doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger. And with that, I am now going to go have an ice cold glass of Pink Lemonade and a goodly amount of Grey Goose vodka to take the edge off.
Cheers…
And Now, Our Moment of Motto…
Cal-lee-for-nee-uh: “Our Govenor Can Beat Up Your Governor”
7 comments:
I must switch hats from goofy friend to would-be personal trainer. On your weight-loss journey, have you been engaging in any strength-training exercise? It sounds like you have lost muscle mass as well as fat, which could be contributing more to your quicker route to a buzz.
Although... a cheap buzz is certainly enticing. As a girl, I am naturally in the same boat. lol
What is this "excercise" you speak of?
...I had to go look up this strange "excercise" word
I think it has something to do with getting rid of demons.
Is the Gouda Possessed?
Of course. Although exercise could be the simple act of doing a few bicep curls with a bottle of Rose. :)
Do they make Virgin Rose? Congrats on the weight loss, by the way. Rose Lite, perhaps? Rose spritzers?
Morgen: Yes, I've heard of that strange word too... I think they made a movie about it. Apparently if you exercise too much your head spins around and you throw up pea soup.
Laura, what you speak is blasphemy!!
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