Polling No Punches

The mid term elections are just a little over 96 hours from now. The direction of this country will be determined by whether or not the Democrats can regain control of Congress. If the Republicans win, we will STAY the COURSE. A course that has led us down a path that includes burgeoning trade deficits, onerous debt, nearly 3,000 American soldiers and countless Iraqis dead, This administration has had some success in job creation…that is if you are Indian, Chinese, or an 8 year old Guatemalan boy with a flair for stitching.

If the Democrats win, we will no longer stay the course. We will…well…um…Change the Course? Yeah, change the course, that’s the ticket. After fighting over who gets to run the various committees, and who gets an office with a window, the Dems will form a plan to fix our woes. However, this plan mustn’t offend anyone, especially the Teachers Unions, the trial lawyers, Noam Chomsky, and anyone who lives in Iowa or New Hampshire.

The stakes are high and the campaigning gets uglier everyday. Although not a congressional race, consider the following. We had the two candidates vying to be the next Governor of Ohio over to our Bagwine offices yesterday. It was an informal exchange between Ted Strickland-D (pictured on the left) and Ken Blackwell-R (pictured on the right). HAHA, The Dem on the left and the Repub on the right, I crack myself up. I asked them a couple of questions and here’s what went down…

Matt: Mr Blackwell, it seems that the polls show you down by as much as 15% points to Congressman Strickland, why do you think that is?

Ken: Evidently the pedophiles of this state are going to go to the polls in droves this year.

Matt: What do you mean by that?

Ken: What do you mean, what do I mean? Man….Strickland is the best friend that NAMBLA, the North American Man Boy Love Association, has ever had. When he addresses their meetings, they instantly give him a kneeling ovation.

Ted: Matt, once again, Mr. Blackwell is showing his desperation. You can see that the differences between us are like NIGHT and day.

Ken: Riiiight. Ted, you’re not even registered to vote in the precinct you call “home”, and you want to be Governor?

Matt: Any truth to that Mr. Strickland? I mean, exactly where is your residence?

Ted: Matt, wherever a child is hungry, I live there. Wherever there is someone’s grandma in need of a warm blanket, I dwell there. Indeed, a green pasture with the spirit of Jesus Christ all around me is where I reside.

Ken: Answer the God Damn question man!!

Ted: Once again Mr. Blackwell has shown that the differences between us are not only like NIGHT and day, but also BLACK and white.

Matt: Gentlemen, in one word, why should voters elect you?

Ken: NAMBLA!!

Ted: Caucasion.

Wow, nasty indeed. The next few days should be a kickin’ good time. As always, Cheers…

And Now Our Moment of Stupid Quotes by Stupid People...

"We thank God for those young people that do it every day and every night --to fight this enemy that's a taxi cab driver in the daytime, but a killer at night."

--Sen. Conrad Burns (R-MT)