Return To Sender...Address Unknown

Our resident cat, Corky, as well as the ghost of Sylvia Plath and our own Bagwine Ruminations Magic Eight Ball have confirmed that the speech that was faxed to us is indeed a copy of what President Bush will be pontificating upon tonight.

We here at BR are proud to be part of the inner circle that has received an advance copy. With that in mind, we will try, as we always have, in promoting the glory and righteousness of the Bush Agenda by posting his speech…A speech that includes hope, inspiration, and horseshit liberty to all.
Folks, I offer to you, the President of the United States…


My fellow Amurricans,

The days seem dark…As dark as trying to find the Alka-Seltzer in the medicine cabinet during a power outage and ending up stubbing your toe on a half empty bottle of Cutty Sark. Yet our freckle faced freedom fighting soldiers in Iraq and Afghandastan are not only continuing to shoot bullets, they are sweating them as well.

And with that being said, I want to make one thing very clear, I am NOT gay…I have NEVER been gay. Although a few times after clearing brush on my ranch back in Crawford, I have USED Ben Gay. But I have gotten off point, and I digest.

The lovely General Petraeus addressed those folks who live on some mystical hill near the Capitol this week, and said the surge is working. He would like to bring some of the troops home next summer…30,000 to be exact. I admire anybody who can cope with, and has the eglogistical skills of bringing 30,000 people to his own home. All I can say is…General, are you serving burgers or chicken? Hehehehehe…

Seriously, David, Laura has always loved you and I would like to as well. In fact, if you were a Marine, I would say to you “Semper Fi”, but since you are not, I will settle for a kiss. Until then, let me get back to the hand that is tasking…

Me fella Amurricans, we must not retreat from the bowels of victory. We must remain fedstast in the face of sexterrian violence, uncongenial Islamic exuberance, (Ha, didn’t think I could say exuberance didja), and of course, the Trial Lawyers Association, and the National Endowment for the Arts.

If we can crush the danger that these organization pose, we will be able to convince those Yellow Devils in China to lend us another 3 Gazzillion Dollars and have them cut their percentage of lead paint in toys by 33%. Just remember, if we don’t do this, and listen to me now and hear me later Amurrica, little Tommy’s Christmas present which gives him cancer and lead poisoning is on your hands, not mine.

In summaryzation, we must continue to throw good money after bad, life into death, and continue our policy of making Iraq our governmental version of the “Fear Factor”. Maybe next year we will take our reality show to Iran and swat President Alphabet on his butt. We may even have Sen. Larry Craig do the honors. Until then, keep the faith and know that victory is nigh.

And what is victory? In retrospeculation, victory is a big cookout at General Petraeus’ house, victory is having a Starbucks in every burg and hamlet, and most importantly, victory is having every Iraqi exercising their right to bear weapons.

May God Bless the US of A…

At least we have one of three conditions satisfied…Cheers!!