On April 19, 2007, I wrote about George Bush and I going out to dinner here in Bagwine, Ohio. President Bush showed up outside my window dressed in a Spider-Man suit…don’t ask. While a lengthy entry, it’s an easy read, and one of my faves from 2007...
I told him that he might want to take off his Spidey mask before his next beer. He replied, “Good tip Matt-Man. You’re one smart varmint.” I then asked him what was up with the Spider-Man suit, and the conversation went like this…
Matt: George, why do you have a Spider-Man suit on?
Dubya: Because it’s tress chick and I admire Peter Piper.
Matt: Peter Piper?
Dubya: C’mon Matt-Man, Peter Piper!! You know, Spider-Man’s ultra ego. Sheesh.
Matt: Spidey’s alter ego is Peter PARKER.
Dubya: No shit? Then who the hell is Peter Piper?
Matt: Peter Piper picks pickled peppers.
Dubya: Ahhhh migrant worker…funny name fer a Meh-hee-can…
Matt: Dubya he’s a…
Dubya: …tell him not to worry Matt-Man, he’s welcome in our country as long as I’m the Gringo-in-Chief , baby….Boo Yah!! Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can…
Okay, so GW and I had a few drinks and let me tell you it was hard keeping a straight face watching George tossing back Budweiser after Budweiser dressed in a Spider-Man suit.
He asked where Schmoop was and I told him that when she heard that he was coming by, she made like a WMD and couldn’t be found. He laughed and then asked me what a WMD was. I said, “Exactly”.
I suggested that we go eat before Dubya got embarrassingly sloshed. This is what transpired…
Dubya: That’s a good ideal Matt-Man. Let’s hit the road. Are we going to that Grecian choke and puke that you mentioned yesterday?
Matt: Yeah, if that’s alright.
Dubya: Sounds good…In a few minutes you’ll be calling me Ouzo the Clown.
Matt: Ummm Dubya could you please take your Spidey suit off before we go.
Dubya: Kill-Joy!! Ha just messin’ with ya Matt-Man…Let me strip…I have my party clothes on underneath. Ta Da!! Don’t I look hip and fabulous?
Matt: The blue jeans are fine, but why are you wearing a T-Shirt with a picture of Che’ Guevara on it?
Dubya: Che’ Guyberra? Hell, I thought it was Jesus Christ in a beret!! Who’s this Guyberra fella you’re talking about?
Matt: Nevermind…We better get going.
So off we went to Linardos Greek Restaurant. We were seated at the VIP booth, and our waitress introduced herself…
Waitress: Hi my name is Cassiopeia and I’ll be your server this evening. Can I interest you in anything from the bar or some appetizers?
Matt: (mumbling to myself) Oh dear God, here we go…
Dubya: Casy…Cassapeed..er…Yeah, Cathy Pita is it? How about a glass of Bagwine for the Matt-Man here, and I’ll have a bottle of Ouzo straight up. Oh, and hot wings if ya got ‘em.
Waitress: We sure do…I’ll get everything started for you gentlemen.
Dubya: See that you do Mons Venus, cuz I’m kinda like a Caesar, capiche?
Matt: What the hell are you doing?
Dubya: Just talking to her in her own language…
Matt: She’s GREEK not Italian.
Dubya: Well hell, Eye-Tal-lee-un…Grecians…They all look the same.
Several ouzos and hot wings later Dubya tried to place his order….
Dubya: Could I get Chicken Tikka Mughlai with extra curry sauce. (How he said that correctly, I'll never know.)
Waitress: I’m sorry sir, but we only prepare Greek fare and that’s an Indian dish.
Dubya: Indian!!? Well slap me on the ass and call me Sitting Bull, the things you learnt. Is my face red…hahahahaha…Do I have smoke signals coming out of my ears…hahahaha. Maybe I’ll go the bathroom and pull off some Tee-Pee…Do I need a RESERVATION for that….hahahahahaha...Hiya Hiya Hiya...
Shortly thereafter he broke into his version of a Cherokee war dance. Unfortunately, it had the effect of a rain dance because he had ouzo inspired piss all down the front of his pants.
I got a hold of one of his body guards and he took him away through the kitchen. Some lady came up to me and asked what was up with the crazy man. I said that he was just a bit stressed out.
She said, “You wouldn’t expect that kind of behavior out of someone wearing a Jesus shirt.” I went home.
When I woke up this morning there was a message on the machine. “Yo, Matt-Man. Great time last night pardner. My only regret is that I didn’t get to do any Greco-Texan wrasslin’ with Cathy Pita…Oh well, keep the Spidey suit mi amigo. Adioooooos!!”
Thus concludes the April 2007 entry…Scroll down for January through March.
Cheers!!
10 comments:
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
Leighann: HA...Oh, let it be so. Cheers!!
what? no re-post of you in the spidey suit? damn.
Kat: Shhhhhhhh, not me, but July's entry is along those lines. Cheers!! Happy New Year's Eve by the way.
I am neither a Christ nor a philanthropist. I am everything contrary to a Christ, and philanthropy seems worthless in comparison to what I believe in. I will fight with all the weapons within my reach rather than let myself be nailed to a cross or whatever.
~ Che Guevara
*gigglesnort* I just couldn't resist!
Dana: Ha, very good. How'd that work out for ol' Che'? Cheers!!
I didn't realize you and Dubya were so tight. This brings a lot of things into perspective now.
Jeff: We go wayyyy back. We used to party together back in the days when I cleaned the locker room for the Texas Rangers. Cheers!!
Your mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Good thing you're not wasting it.
Songbird: If only my wanker saw as much action as my mind. Cheers!!
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