Sunday, October 19, 2008

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Vanilla Christ

It’s going to be a breathtakingly beautiful autumnal Sunday in Bagwine, Ohio today.

But…there are changes in the air.

Because I am so dedicated to your spiritual well-being, I went outside prior to the dawn this morning in order to capture a picture of this change.

Overnight, we here in Bagwine, experienced our first frost of this fall season.

The following picture shows that the Lord lives not only in my soul, but he dwells upon the windshield of the Bagwine Mobile as well.





Amen, Brothers and Sisters. The Holy Baby Jeebus is one cool mutha. Ice, Ice Jeebus, and Word to your Mother Mary.

In addition to the glorious day ahead, we thank thee, O Great, Intelligent Designer, for helping to find 6-year old Cole Puffinburger alive and well after being abducted in Las Vegas days ago.

Happy endings are nice, but I plea with you to intervene still in this young lad’s life.

His abduction will be shown to be nothing compared to what the young boy will endure through 12 years of school with the name, Cole Puffinburger.

I see many playground beatings in his future. So I beseech thee, O Hoity-Toity Hosanna in the High, to move the spirit and compel Cole’s father to give his son a new name.

I have a few, albeit unusual, suggestions that may protect him from future wedgies.

Killer Puffinburger…Stalin Puffinburger…or perhaps, my favorite…Huffin’ Puffinburger.

In your name, we ask this…

Amen, and Amen.

Once again, I am off to sell party supplies to the masses. Eight hours of fun and frivolity for me.

Enjoy your Sunday all, and hopefully later tonight, I can catch up with you all.


Cheers!!

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

How come the Holy Baby Jeebus resides in your car and when all I saw outside this morning was frozen dog poop?

Schmoop said...

Lady Jaye: Well, so of us are simply more blessed than others. However, I have seen your picture and trust me, you are truly blessed....Oh Boy, are you ever blessed. Cheers LJ!!

Cheesy said...

I was so pleased to hear of Cole's safety last night. It was FINALLY good news on TV. We too had our first froast on Wendesday... now I have to be picking apples all weekend lol... Apple butter anyone?

Desert Songbird said...

You could ask the Holy Baby Jeebus to send his frosting skills down southwest way. We're still having 90 degree days. Oy vey.

Liz Hill said...

Does he have a sister named Muffin?

And Holy Jeebus is what Brad is saying feeling his first real chilly weather in quite a few years. Good thing we like snuggling.

Happy Sunday beer sales sugar.

Smooch

Schmoop said...

Cheesy: It was great to hear, as that doesn't normally happen. I'll take some Apple Butter if you spread it all over your body. Cheers!!

Songbird: That's because Arizona is Hell on Earth. Cheers!!

TB: Ha. Good One. And tell your boy to suck it up and be a man. Well, you know, as manly as he can. Cheers TB!!

Desert Songbird said...

No, way, baby. Arizona is GOD'S COUNTRY. Geez! Haven't you ever seen the Grand Canyon, the red rocks of Sedona, ME?!

Criminey...

*grin*

Schmoop said...

Songbird: True enough, but there's also that John and Cindy McCain thing goin' on down there too. Cheers!!

Vodka Mom said...

Huffin puffinburger. That totally cracked me up. Holy baby jesus.

Schmoop said...

Vodka: Ha. Thanks...Colin Powell endorsed Obama a few minutes ago. That's even funnier. Cheers VM!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

Frosty!

No frost here although I hear hell is a bit glittery courtesy of Powell ;)

I am taking a day off. Mostly. I might work for an hour or two but at 4pm I shall be at my old Tiki Bar Post Work Bar in the Hood with two of my work friends.

Dana said...

I want to know which part of your body you used to write that on the Bagwine Mobile! What? This isn't confession Sunday??

Lu' said...

Snuffin Puffinbutger

Schmoop said...

Evil: Ha. Barack Hussein Puffinburger. Very Good. I also thought about Puffinburger the Impaler. Cheers EG!!

Starr: well, I hope you have one helluva tiki time with your peeps. Cheers Buddy!!

Dana: I used my finger...No, really. Bu tonly because there was a strange man roaming the parking lot. Cheers Sexy!!

Schmoop said...

Lu: Sounds like a Brazilian Porn director. Cheers Lu!!

Liquid said...

lol

You crack me up!

Have a wonderous week ahead!

Cinnamon Girl said...

Oooooh, Brazilian Porn ;) Gimme a few Cosmo's and that sounds intriguing!

Schmoop said...

Liquid: Ha. Why thanks and thanks for stopping by. Cheers!!

Starr: You minx, you...Cheers Hot Stuff!!

katherine. said...

frost?

I think I saw that once while in tahoe?