As I told you yesterday, from 1968 until 1989, much like Anna Chapman, I was a Russian spy.
I surreptitiously entered the States at the age of three, and without their knowledge, became the youngest of nine to an All-American family.
Though far from Mother Russia, my training from KGB agent, “Squalor” continued via a super hi-tech Etch-a-Sketch that “magically” appeared under the tree with my name on it, Christmas morning 1968.
As I continued to receive instructions through my Etch-a-Sketch, I became more convincing as an American child, however...
There were those who thought I was, "not quite right”.
Here’s an example…
In 1972, I was in second grade and the world was fixated on the Olympic Summer Games being held in Munich.
Americans everywhere were ranting and reviling about how the USA got cheated out of gold in Men’s Basketball by the Soviets.
I was watching as well, but you know what I continually ranted and raved about?
I raved about how fucking hot Olga Korbut was.
Yes, even at the tender age of eight, I wanted to drink as much as I could of that gap-toothed, uber-sexy, White Russian gymnast.
But, while there were a few perplexed by that, and by my incredibly detailed doodles of Leonid Brezhnev, most people just thought that I was…peculiar.
Through 1973 and 1974, I immersed myself deeper into the American culture.
I had friends, played baseball, and got my first real girlfriend. I was one smooth son-of-a-bitchski.
I was good at what I did and no one was the wiser as to my true identity. I was just another typical American kid in Bagwine, Ohio…
Albeit, one who still, at the age of nine, carried an Etch-a-Sketch around with him everywhere he went.
From the time I got it on that fateful Christmas morn of 1968, until August 14, 1974, I was receiving bland secret training and indoctrination through it, however...
On August 15, 1974, through the Etch-a-Sketch, I received my mission instructions…
My mission, if I managed to successfully complete it, would forever change the world.
I did, and it did, and the Code Name for my mission was…
Well…I’ll pick up from this point on Friday.
I’m off today, shaving my head, and catching up with you fine folks because my comments seem to be working now.
Thank God Blogger finally fixed the problem…It was freaking me out.