Wednesday, November 17, 2010

He Said...She Said

It's Thursday so you know what that means. That's Right..!!

Time for another installment of He Said...She Said where Schmoop and I take turns bantering with each other via the magic that is Microsoft Works.

Enjoy...

Matt: So…I don’t have to work Thanksgiving after all…Whatcha want me to make for our solemn Thanksgiving repast?

Schmoop: Let me think. You have always made such great dinners, but I think this year we should make it simple. Taco Bell or pizza. Oh, and beer, and sex. You game?

Matt: It’s always simple. I make a turkey breast…scalloped corn…some veggies and rolls. What’s the big deal? I want to do that as always.

Schmoop: Ok, but you’d have to do it all!! I even burn rolls! Oh the humanity!!

Matt: Of course I’d do it all…Holy Cow, remember you made a green bean casserole that was the consistency of soup, and rolls? Once, you didn’t even put them in the oven!!

Schmoop: You are a dicktwizzlingfucknozzle. Yes that is one word. Oh alright, I suck at cooking. Happy Pappy!!

Matt: You don’t suck at cooking; you just don’t put your heart into it like I do. I do…you on the other hand, don’t care if you kill someone.

Schmoop: Awww, you’re so sweet! I do to care if I kill someone, but we never have company, so…..

Matt: Seriously though…What do you want on Turkey Day? Whatever you want….within reason…

Schmoop: How about either a turkey breast, or chicken. Mmmm chicken. Oh, and some scalloped corn with green onions, I can do that. Rolls, and Taco Bell??

Matt: Turkey or Chicken (or even ham if that’s all we can afford) breast soaked in a crockpot w/ broth. Scalloped Corn, Green Bean Casserole, and some rolls….that’s all. How’s That? I’ll cook everything.

Schmoop: Deal. I’ll clean everything up, and we’ll eat sitting on the “new” couch watching football. Good?

Matt: Sounds good, and consider it done. However, can we have sex afterward in honor of the Pilgrims?

Schmoop: Most definitely! Before, during, after. After all, sex and Thanksgiving, and football go hand in hand, don’t they? That’s my story anyhow.

Matt: Your story is great, because other than that , Thanksgiving has no meaning. It’s merely a kick-off to the Christmas season anymore.

Schmoop: Yes it is, and oh how I loathe Christmas. The stores started putting out that crap at Halloween. I know you love the season, and I’m sorry, but our Thanksgiving is gonna be great!

Matt: Don’t be sorry…I love it…I can’t wait to eat, drink, and be merry with ya. As for the rest of the bullshit…Thou shall sayeth: Fuck Ith.

Schmoop: Amen.

Matt: And stay away from the cooking…


Oh....the last picture? That was the Cheesy-Green Onion Cornbread I made to accompany the chili I made last night. Yum-Oh!!

Happy Thursday all, and as always…

Cheers!!

34 comments:

Michele said...

Surprise her and go fancy this year. Stuff olive paste between the meat and the skin of that turkey. Hand to god she'll love it. My family won't let me make turkey any other way these days(yes, I do make turkey on Thanksgiving). I'll send the recipe if you want.

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Holy Cow that does sound good, and I would looooove it but alas, Schmoop is not a big fan of olives. Cheers Michele!!

Irene said...

drooling right now that chili cornbread thing looks irresistible!

Irene said...

also very intrigued by the olive paste recipe.Kevin also not a fan of the olives!

Matt-Man said...

Irene: It's easy to make and oh so good, and dig it. Why don't the four of us get together and you and I can eat turkey w/ olive paste and Schmoop and Kevin can eat their plain, boring turkey. Cheers Irene!!

Allison M. Dickson said...

Olives are of the devil. ;)

But a happy forthcoming TG to you, Matt!

Matt-Man said...

Allie: As you have always called them, "Satan's Dingleberries". But I cannot help myself, I do love them so. And right back atcha Allie. Cheers!! : )

Irene said...

Splendid suggestion Matt!

Raquel's World said...

Schmoop wants company to kill? But you never have any? I seem to remember a visitor over the summer. Hmmm

Matt-Man said...

Irene: I try to be helpful whenever possible. Cheers Irene!!

Raquel: True but I did the cooking and thank you for killing any chance of me having sex with Schmoop tonight. Cheers Roc!!

Doc said...

Oooh Pilgrim sex is the best!!

Matt-Man said...

Doc: Damn right. Nothing like having sex while wearing a hat with a buckle on it. Cheers Doc!!

Scott Oglesby said...

I can’t even buy a damn turkey here. Or any of the other shit. I can, however, buy lots and lots of pork fat and gristle. Happy Thanksgiving!

Matt-Man said...

Scott: You could always cook a pigeon and fashion some dressing out of cat feces. Cheers Scott!!

Knight said...

I thought after the feast the Pilgrims had sex with the indians. Perhaps the two of you could find a hot Native American to have for desert.
Damn that cornbread looks delicious. I can cook but I hate to clean it up. My boyfriend hates to do anything at all. Louse. It's all good as long as he keeps my wine glass full.

Matt-Man said...

Knight: Ha. Good Man, for doing that. I thought instead of bringing in a third party, Schmoop and I could just get naked and play:

"Wild Savage Indian Girl and Strict Puritan Man Trying to Convert Her"

Cheers Knight!!

MysteryChick said...

Mmmm, your cornbread looks yummy. I don't know Matt-Man, we may have to start exchanging recipes. I too love to cook.

However, you can keep any and all olive recipes to yourself. Ick, They smell like dirty feet to me. When I was a bartender my martini customers thought it was a howl that I'd hand them over the gallon jar of olives and the long spoon to fish them out because no way in hell was that jar being opened by me!

Sorry, that was a bit long. Blame Dunkin Donuts for giving me caffeinated instead of decaf this morning.

Joker_SATX said...

Being Lactose Intolerant, that last dish would kill me, but I would die with a smile on my face!

Matt-Man said...

Chick: Oh hell yeah. I love cooking and exchanging recipes. Anytime dear. As for the olives....What is wrong with you Anti-Olive people? Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Joker: Nothing like expiring with a mouth full of cornbread. Cheers Joker!!

Jay said...

I'm not a big fan of tradition. It would be fine with me to just have a cheeseburger and fries for T-giving dinner.

Well, except for the sex with Indians. That tradition we should all keep alive.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: I have to finally come out and say it, Jay...

You are one of the most deep and profound thinkers of our generation. I heart you. Cheers Jay!!

Beth said...

Everything you cook is fabulous! Wouldn't matter to me if we just had hard toast, as long as you made it, coz I'd burn it! The olive thing though? Um, I'd rather have dinner at my boss's house than eat those disgusting things!

Matt-Man said...

Schmoop: You are too kind...Okay, no you're not, but well...you know what I mean. But waych out...I may force feed you olives when you least expect it in order for you to see the light. Cheers and Zooooves!!

Raquel's World said...

Sorry Matt-Man :(

David said...

Your menu sounds great - especially since I'm not in the kitchen cooking it. :-)

and that cheesy-green onion cornbread looks yummo.

Matt-Man said...

Raquel: Eh, no need to be hot stuff, I'm sure all will be just dandy. Cheers Roc!!

David: I love to cook. Other than being an asshole, it's what I do best. Cheers David!!

Micky-T said...

I enjoy a good simple meal any day of the year and as long as someone else cooks, I'll never complain.

But...but...looking at your computer desk drives me out of my fricken mind at how neat it is. Gawd, I HATE looking at such sparse neatness, everything so perfectly in place AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Do something to mess it up.....PLEASE!

Matt-Man said...

Mick: I have always been a proponent of the Less Is More school of thought. I'm a minimalist. The desk is perfect!! Cheers Mick!!

Dana said...

What is with all of the olive hate?? I know I can't be the only one with fond childhood memories of sitting at the card table, in the rickety chairs, paper plate and styrofoam cup sitting in front of me, with an olive on each of my fingertips!

I'm sure you and Schmoop will come up with some grand plan for Thanksgiving dinner - olives or not!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Card table dining is the best, and man, I just don't know where all of these olive haters come from!! Cheers Dana!!

Micky-T said...

I think the haters were only exposed to the basic green and black olives that are so popular here in the states. I fricken LOVE them all.
I dare these haters to go to the deli and pick a few large exotic, yes expensive olives and try them. There is way more to olives than the green and black variety.
In Italy I dined on them often and in large quantity, Hmmmm love'm!

Matt-Man said...

Micky: I have never met an olive I didn't like. Cheers Mick!!

MysteryChick said...

I may have to take Micky up on his challenge. I've always felt bad about my hatred of olives because I do love just about all food. It must have been my early exposure to canned black and green olives that turned me off of them. Thanks Nunny!

Matt-Man said...

Chick: I love em green, black, calamata, stuffed with whatevah. Olives RAWK!! Cheers Chick!!