Friday, August 05, 2011

Hot Damn, I Feel Lucky Tonight!!

I’m very, very anal about money ever since I had to file bankruptcy last year.  Who knew all those fuckers wanted paid.  Idiots.  Any type of spend-a-thon would never be in the cards for me, unless…

(Cue the dream sequence music...)

I’m sitting at my desk here at work and find out that I just won the Lottery!!

I could tear down the wall between our apartment, and the two bedroom next door.  We’d get one huge ass place that I could remodel to my specifications.  OCD much?  Why yes.  

Sorry Matt, posters of naked woman do not count as d├ęcor.  Oh, ok, you can have Michele Bachmann.

Also, we’d get rid of the crazy eyed, talk to myself chick, and her lazy, full grown, asshole son.  Twofer, and SCORE!!

I would have separate bank accounts for everything.  Home, taxes, family, me and Matt-Man.  I’d even have a lawyer.  But no accountant…

They’re shifty.  Also when they start talking about numbers, my eyes glaze over.

I’d buy my Honda CRV, but it wouldn’t have to be new.  Oh, who the fuck am I kidding.  Mama needs heated seats, and a remote starter!

We could actually have a full size fridge, and stove.  That, you know, are LEVEL.  Whoo, that would be a perk in itself.

Wouldn’t it be great to go to the grocery, or any store for that matter, and not have to check all prices?  Or robbing Peter to pay Paul?  That is stressful.

I won’t go into all the details of everything I would do to a new place.  It would be tedious to anyone but me.

What would you do if you suddenly found yourself with a large sum of money?

Zooooves!!

16 comments:

sybil law said...

Oooh -first thing, beach vacation. Sweet, huge house - probably Cape Cod, invite the peoples I want there...
Beyond that, I don't know. I'm pretty cautious with money, though. Well, I try to be. Okay, sometimes, I am. Whatever.

Betty said...

How large are we talking about, here? In the Millions? Why not think big? First, I'd buy a car for myself and another car for Jay. Then, I'd buy a condo. Then, I'd send a great bi-i-i-i-i-g check to Kelley and Allen. The, I'd buy me a few Democratic Congressmen and Senators and I'd tell them to each grow a pair and start acting like real Democrats and do something for people as poor as I used to be.

Mike said...

Put it in the bank with my other money!

Knight said...

I read "I'm very, very anal.." next to a picture of your ass, and I got stuck for awhile.
Oh, I would buy an apartment. That's all I know off the top of my head.

Beth said...

Sybil: That sounds great! I hear Cape Cod is gorgeous. I'm very cautious with money, but if I didn't have to be...

Betty: I'd say millions. My mom always said if you're going to dream, dream big! I like the idea of the Congressmen and Senator thing, but don't buy Jay a car. I'm just not sure he's worthy;)

Mike: Of course you would:)

Beth said...

Knight: Sorry about the distraction. I don't put the pictures up, so I'm always suprised at what I find! Buy an apartment in NYC? That would take all of the winnings;)

IWS Radio said...

I'd buy the sweetest looking set of teeth I could find, have my hemorrhoids removed, and then take you out to Arby's. I ain't playin' either. Cheers and Zoves!!

Matt-Man

Beth said...

Matt: OMG, that was funny! And oh so true! Zoves;)

Jay said...

Hey now. That "I'm not sure he's worthy" was kinda hurtful. Besides, she left out the "I'd buy Jay a car SO HE COULD LIVE IN IT!" part.

I would send anonymous gifts to people. Gift cards, cash, stuff they need. I always thought that would be fun.

Oh and I would fly everyone to Vegas and put us all up in a fancy hotel for a big fucking party!

Beth said...

Jay: Ha! Your Mom is the best. I think the anonymous gifts is a great idea, I'd like to do that too. I hope you win it, I've never been to Vegas;)

MysteryChick said...

I'd buy a house and a car (my car is 12). Then at Christmas time I'd go to the local WalMart , wander around the store and hand out gift cards to some of the shoppers. I've always thought that would be awesome.

Beth said...

Chick: Yea, I really like that gift card idea. I've had people do that for me, and I'd like to be able to do it for someone else.

bobbybegood1 said...

Wow, I am stump. I'm thinking, I'm thinking. K. Give to charity. Buy great home and decorate myself. Travel with my daughter. Wouldn't buy many clothes too much clutter. Would invest in artwork and home furnishings, but not to the point of clutter. Buy my daughter whatever she wanted and leave her a great inheritance. Treat friends - money's lacks value if not shared with others. Cheers Beth!!

David said...

you would have a lawyer but not an accountant????? because one is sleezy???? oy vey

anyhoo - I would hire a chauffeur since parking is god-awful in DC. And I would never have any reason to cook food again - it would be served to me - in a restaurant or in my dining room
yep

Beth said...

Bobby: Those are great ideas! And you are correct, share with others!

David: I know, I know. My logic is way off! I like you ideas. I hate to cook, and I hate to drive;)

cathy said...

1. Get divorced.
2. sort all my family out so they didn't have to worry about paying the bills.
3. Have some fun with my kids.