Monday, August 22, 2011

Preemptive Strike

Have you ever loved someone so much, that you keep pushing them away because you’re scared?

Well I have, and I continue to do so.

I met my soul mate eleven years ago. I didn’t know you could actually have one of those.

Yet I, being an asshole, shut him out.

Why? Good question.

I do it because I’m afraid of being hurt. Strike first, apologize later.

The apologies aren’t working anymore. And well, they shouldn’t.

You can only say you’re sorry to someone who loves you so many times before it becomes ineffective…a bad salve if you will.

I need to open my heart more, instead of shutting if off. Yes, I am afraid, always have been, but I am the one who said I love you first. I have to live up to my game.

I love you Matt.

I know you are skeptical. You have every right to be.

Know this, I will never have to say I’m sorry again. Unless I fuck up your fantasy football thingy while trying to “help” you.



sybil law said...

The shit my family's dealing with now...
Let the people you love KNOW you love them. Period.

Anonymous said...

Beth, check your yahoo email when you have a chance please. :-)

Mike said...

'...aren’t working anymore...'

A person can become numb to the cry of wolf after awhile. The response that eventually will be coming will be, 'I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to stop it.'

Anonymous said...

Or worse yet Mike, "I'm leaving!"

MysteryChick said...

Sometimes it seems easier to push away the one's we love so they can't hurt us, but then all we've really accomplished is hurting ourselves (and of course, them).

I'm With Stupid said...

And so it goes...



Knight said...

This is the fifth blog I've read today where the message was to let the people you love know how much you love them. So... maybe you should SHOW Matt how much you love him. Like by doing that great trick you have of putting your legs behind your head. I mean, that would work on me. ;)

bobbybegood1 said...

What strength! What courage! What wisdom! To post your true feelings - not only for your soul-mate - but for others to see and possibly take a step forward. I adore you for that Beth. Keep up the growth. Cheers!!

Jay said...

You're pretty awesome.

And I agree with Knight. That legs behind the head thing is a sweet movie. ;-)

Beth said...

Sybil: I agree, I'm sorry your family is going thru shit.

Mike: You make a lot of sense, I just need to wrap my head around it. As you know, my head sucks.

Rich: I thank you for you e-mail, and your link. You're right about leaving. People in general can only put up with so much crap before it's not worth it. Don't believe for a moment that I haven't thought about him feeling this way.

Beth said...

Matt: Yes it does...again.

Chick: I know all this somewhere in the back of the cobwebs of my mind.

Knight: Ha! Thanks for the laugh, and you're right, but I'm not so flexible anymore;)

Beth said...

Bobby: There is no strength or wisdom involved. If I was strong, or wise, this shit wouldn't keep happening, but I thank you for that, and for reading.

Jay: Thanks pal, I'll do what I can;) I suppose you want pictures?

David said...

What is not to love when Matt Man shows that cute butt. hehe