2010 Atlantic Hurricane Season: See Matthew Spin...See Dick Come

If you are a tropical meteorology aficionado such as myself or live near the Gulf or Atlantic seaboard, you are aware that Tuesday marked the beginning of the 2010 Atlantic Hurricane Season.

I am freak about hurricanes. I have always been fascinated by their power, natural perfection, and personalities. Yeah, each hurricane has its own personality.

While each may have the same type of meteorological origins, some grow up to be real bastards and bitches; others merely fade into obscurity.

I know nearly everything there is to know about hurricanes, from the physics of them to the history of them. I am a freak.

However…the first thing that catches my eye when the season begins, are the names given for the storms during the season.

Usually, I am disappointed in the gayness and “what the fuckness” of the name list. Let me give you a couple of examples of this year’s names:

The second named storm will be Bonnie…eh, that wouldn’t be a bad name if she were followed by a storm named Clyde, but she is followed by Colin. Hurricane Colin? Pfffft, pussy.

The seventh named storm will be Gaston. Ha, Gaston? And, Gaston is followed by some chick named, Hermine. What the fuck?

Will this pretentious couple “storm” the southeast U.S. and spritz all over the coast in a mist of argyle?

Of course it gets even better…If we get down to the 20th named storm she will be known as Virginie. No, I’m not kidding.

Someone naming a storm Virginie, makes me wonder why that instead of naming the “O” storm, Otto, they didn’t name him, Ol’ Dan Tucker. Holy Crap.

But, there are two bright spots in the list…

If there is a 13th named storm, it will be named, are you ready? MATTHEW!! Praise Jeebus, and pass me the plywood. I can hear the reports now:

Hurricane Matthew spontaneously developed in the Eastern Caribbean over night. His movement is erratic as in a drunken stupor. No one can figure out where Matthew is going. His pressure is dropping rapidly.

The latest Hurricane Hunter aircraft dropped a Dropsonde and recorded a barometric pressure of 27.77”, wind speeds of 168 mph, and an unusual audio blip that sounded oddly like someone saying, “I’m Matt-Man, Bitch!!”

Of course after spinning around the east coast for a week, the report will be as follows:

The menacing storm that has infamously become know as Matt-Man, has, after a week of what appears to be a mocking of the entire Eastern seaboard, moved on and dropped its tropical piss all over England.

Of course, my fave name this year, even more than my own, is the 17th named storm…Richard. Hee Hee. You know it will be referred to as, Hurricane Dick.

If there is a Hurricane Dick, I want it to bear down on the gorgeous city of Savannah, Ga. I can hear it now:

Dick is gaining strength and size with every second and counter-cockwise spin, and is bearing down on Savannah.

Savannah is in fear as the giant Dick stares her down with an angry looking eye.

Savannah’s only hope is if High Pressure blows him off, easing the tension of Dick and sending him calmly out to sea.

One can only hope.

Have a wonderful Wednesday all. I am off today, so if you need a special friend, let me know. I am here for you, even if Dick and I are spinning counter-cockwise.

Cheers!!