Well my friends…We are now two weeks into Lent, and guess what? I have lost about 4 ½ pounds.
Ash Wednesday I weighed 187 and now, I am fluctuating of late between 182 and 183.
If this trends continues, when Jeebus arises, scratches his balls, and moves that stone away on Easter morn, I will weigh a mere 173.5 pounds.
173.5 pounds, people!!
I weighed more than that in High School. Do you know what this means?
It means I’ll be light on my feet. My heart will be pumping forcefully, and best of all…?
I’ll be able to see my wanker again even while it’s flaccid!!
Damn straight. I’ll no longer have to grope Schmoop or look at porn in order to look down and see my buddy, Seamus.
Ol’ Seamus will be out there in plain sight...
Be I completely ambivalent while watching a baseball game or completely worked up because a half-drunk and entirely horny Schmoop just summoned me to the bedroom for the “seventh inning stretch”.
I can dig that!!
Some guys spend boo-koos of cash on Enzyte and other con-cock-tions in order to gain size.
I simply stop eating meat, give my soul and colon to Christ, and voila…
My once ambiguous, hard to find penis becomes a bright and towering obelisk pointing skyward as it celebrates the glory of Gawd!!
Praise Jeebus, and call Lindsay Roberts…I have a special donation just for her…although I’m probably 25-30 years too old for her tastes.
Anyhoo…Come Resurrection Day, not only will our Lord and Savior, Jeebus Christ be set free, my Matt-Manliness will be released from bondage as well.
So let it be written; so let it be done.
Cheers!!
