I was going to write about the meaning of life today, but some shocking and disturbing news came my way. Today I will wax poetically about certain things and people that should just go away and never come back.
I know, I know…this is a topic that my friend and blogmate Mizz Gouda writes about, but the news is just too damn horrific to ignore. On December 22, 2006 hide the babies, shut your windows, and lock your doors, because that is the day which ushers in the nationwide release of the movie…”Rocky Balboa”.
That’s right, The Italian Stallion is back and older than ever. Flailing his arthritic arms and dancing around the ring on his feet of clay. He will be staring down his opponent, mustering all of the sexagenarian intimidation that he can. If only we could dig up Burgess Meredith to help keep Rocky protected. I mean what the hell, if you can have a 60 year old boxer, why not a 96 year old trainer.
Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with Sly. I mean anyone who can have a bit part in a Woody Allen’s “Bananas” and a prominent role in the movie “A Party at Kitty and Stud’s” shows vast range as a thespian. Especially when you consider that he did both movies in the same year.
Amazingly, the plot line of this installment is vastly different than past episodes. Consider the plot synopsis:
“An aging Rocky Balboa comes out of retirement intending to fight a few low-profile local fighters. He is approached to fight a match with the reigning Heavyweight Champion, Mason Dixon (Antonio Tarver), and soon his comeback sets off a media firestorm.”
See, nothing at all like previous Rocky movies…
I am not really so much asking for Stallone to go away as I am just begging Rocky to go rent a villa in Tuscany (even though Bob Cobb, says there are none to be rented) and live out his final years eating linguine and sucking back some Chianti. Is that so wonnng?
Lastly, a few other things that need to be permanently retired. The Pasta Express, folks it’s a plastic tube for Chrissakes. The Pocket Fisherman, yes it has been resurrected under a new name, and of course anything paisley. Star Jones, baby, please take your arrogant, freakish self somewhere far, far, away and enjoy the view.
As for Ronco Hair-in-a-Can, not so fast, I’m gonna need that.
And Now Our Moment of Hinn…
“What does God the Father look like? Although I've never seen Him, I believe - as with the Holy Spirit - He looks like Jesus looked on earth.”
--Benny Hinn (Ed. Note: What the hell did Jesus look like?)
2 comments:
No apologies necessary, my dear, as this is one of the funniest things I've read in awhile! I cannot believe Sly is actually going to be doing ANOTHER ROcky. I'd heard the rumors, but didn't want to believe it was true...
It's sad, very sad... I certainly hope it doesnt give Dolph Lundgren any ideas !!
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