Down on Main Street

I mentioned awhile back that I would devote a couple of days a month to my hometown, Springfield, Ohio. Today I begin with a trip down East Main Street.

Main Street through town is also US 40, which was long ago the Old National Road. On the very east end is Kroger’s. Kroger’s is a grocery store chain that on Saturdays is home to a disproportionate number of inbreds and over perfumed women stocking up on Oreos, Doritos, and Diet Pepsi.

The dining facilities in the area are top-notch and ubiquitous (always a fun word to use). You and your family can choose from a myriad eateries. In the mood for a good roast beef dinner? Look no further than Arby’s. Feeling a little Italian today? Well I hate to make it hard on you, but you’ll have to pick between Pizza Hut or Fazoli’s. Hmmmm, Pan Supreme or Spaghetti ala Plastic Bowl? Either way, “Buon Alimento” !!

Of course, if you have kids with you, East Main Street offers Burger King, McDonald's, and Wendy’s. If you go to Wendy’s ask for Chloe and tell her that the Matt-Man sent you. She will give you a triple for the cost of a double, and put a little something special in your Pepsi. Love ya, Chloe.

Actually, there is quite a decent Greek restaurant in the area. Linardo’s has been pleasing the palate for years. Today it is run by a guy I graduated with from High School, good ol’ Harry Linardo. I gave him the nickname “Big Toe Linguine” nearly 25 years ago and to this day have no idea why.

Well, now that your stomach is full, time to think about having some fun and finding a place to stay for the night. You can do it all at the Fairfax Motel and Lounge. Ahhh yes, the “Fax” as we like to call it, offers affordable accommodations, a well stocked bar, and a diverse clientele.

Primarily it is what one might call a “Biker Bar”, but it so much more. It is like an amusement park for the mind. Go to the bar at about 2 in the afternoon, order a Seagram’s and 7, and just take a look around. Across from you is a retired executive worth a few million. Next to him is a sales rep who just stopped in for one or two, but ended up staying three days, and trying to get him to buy her a drink is a crack whore, who really needs to go see Chloe for a triple. Every cross-section of America is represented.

Don’t worry if you get too pickled, because if you give the bartender 20 bucks you can have Room 116 until you sleep it off. A word of caution, after 8 pm or so, go barricade yourself inside of your room or just get the hell out. Especially on Friday and Saturday evenings some of the customers start blowing off a little steam, and the Riviera of the Midwest becomes the Baghdad of the Midwest.

Wow…I am exhausted and we haven’t even completed our journey. I will make sure to keep the car idling and we'll go further down Main Street at a later date. Until then, Cheers!!

And Now...Our Moment of Hinn:

In today for Benny is the Rev. Pat Robertson:

“Planned Parenthood is teaching kids to fornicate, teaching people to have adultery, every kind of bestiality, homosexuality, lesbianism -- everything that the Bible condemns.”

--Pat Robertson