Today, on 30 Minute Meals: Matt-Manwich

If you read my blog with any regularity, you know that I have a great deal of disdain for the chipmunk cheeked, every-donut-I-ever-ate-went-to-my-ass maven of the Food Network channel, Rachel Ray. I know she’s kinda cute and perky, but then she has to open that cut beneath her nose and start yapping and giggling. And much like Katie Couric, when Rachel smiles, my mind conjures up images of Caesar Romero as the Joker.

She spouts stupid little words and phrases such as “garbage bowl”, “E-V-O-O”, and of course she makes “sammies” that are “Yum-Oh”. Even as I sit here typing, I can hear the sound of three inch fingernails slashing down the dull gray slate of a chalkboard. Her ability to annoy is unsurpassed. She is to me much like a train wreck…a tragic event on which I feel compelled to fix my gaze. I find myself in a quandary. While my ill feelings toward her grow with each episode, she lures me in like a turkey headed to the chopping block.

How could I fix this state of confusion and non-sequituriousness (is to a word)? The only way was to meet her in person and let my feelings out, and that is exactly what I did.

Our meeting took place this past weekend, and it went quite well. I could talk about our meeting for hours. I could wax poetically about how I ate her cupcakes, buttered her muffin, and let all of my hatred of her flow out of me over and over. It was more than a Thirty Minute Meal, it was an all night smorgasbord.

However, instead of using mere words to describe the event, Bagwine’s Michigan bureau chief Janna, tagged along and captured the tender and touching tryst on film. If you check back later today, you see how Matt-Man + Rachel Ray = YUM-OH….

Cheers…

And Now, Our Moment of Motto…

Montana: “Keeping Canadians at Bay Since 1889”





Okay, here's the first picture. This is me serving up a heaping serving of Baked Matticotti. Deeeelissssh. Rachel, honey, you can strain my noodle anytime. I hope nobody flips on the garbage disposal switch!! And trust me, see her leg, that ain't water on there baby!! I'll be back later with another sexy culinary picture.

I loved it when Rachel licked my head. At this point she is also pulling some andouille sausage out of my goatee. She has my arms tied behind me with strips of bacon. Damn, she thought of everything. She is YUM-OH!!


I am so glad that I was able to meet RR and let my frustrations out. I only hope I can keep my promise to her that I wont speak ill of her again. Buon Appetit'...