Monday, November 20, 2006

Gobble Gobble Burp...

I fear that I may be getting sick. No, not a Rose induced nausea, but the real deal, the flu. My body kinda aches and I have the chills. Being one, who rarely likes the furnace on, having the chills, is not a good sign. My Thanksgiving may be spent on the couch curled up in a fetal position cursing my plight. Oh woe is me…

I am not having a Bagwine Ruminations Thanksgiving Extravaganza. Henry the VIII is getting married again, Gandhi is having folks over for a barbecue, and Imelda Marcos is going to be kicking off her new line of shoes. The only one who was going to be able to attend was Engelbert Humperdinck, and I really didn’t want to spend Thanksgiving with a poor man’s Tom Jones. So, I guess I will be having a bodacious blow out New Year’s Eve.

Speaking of turkey day, no turkey at the Bagwine bordello this year. I am either making subs or lasagna. Breaking with tradition, we will not be having, scalloped corn, green bean casserole, or cranberries. The break will also spare the life of a Meleagridinae Gallopavo. However, if the funds are available, I may be drinking quite a bit of Wild Turkey. Just to smooth over the effects of my impending illness, of course.

Provided that I do not fall ill, it could make for a nice relaxing day. A little football, some tunes on the CD player, cocktails, and the Matt-Man getting high on eating bread and/or pasta on this special day. My intestines will asking what the hell is going on. Doesn’t sound too bad at all. There won’t be a big mess to clean up and I won’t be buried in leftovers.

Wow, today has been a pretty tame post, must be due to my immune system being under siege. By the way, I want to thank all of you folks from Benny Hinn Ministries, Rod Parsley’s World Harvest Church, Orange County California (Home of Trinity Broadcasting Network), and other “religious” organizations for perusing my site last week. I had several hits from many of you fine evangelical types. Next time, leave a comment and a $5.00 love offering, and I might send you an anointed Bagwine Prayer Cloth/Drunk Bib….
Cheers


And Now Our Moment of Televangelist Hypocrisy…

“Since 1999, the ministry has spent at least $4 million on five homes for (Joyce)Meyer and her four children near Interstate 270 and Gravois Road, St. Louis County records show.
Meyer's house, the largest of the five, is a 10,000-square-foot Cape Cod style estate home with a guest house and a garage that can be independently heated and cooled and can hold up to eight cars. The three-acre property has a large fountain, a gazebo, a private putting green, a pool and a poolhouse where the ministry recently added a $10,000 bathroom.”
Some purchases of Joyce Meyer Ministries as told by inplainsite.org

(Ed. Note: Cool, but does she have a climate controlled wine cellar like Paul and Jan Crouch?)

30 comments:

y.Wendy.y said...

Aaah - sorry to hear you feel poorly.

Now pour very a large slug of Wild Turkey into a glass, add the juice of a freshly squeezed lemon, 2 aspirin, hot water, a teaspoon of honey and you'll feel a lot perkier in minutes. Promise.

I can't think of any sorrow in the world that a hot bath wouldn't help, just a little bit. —Susan Glaspell

Schmoop said...

Thanks Wendz. Soaking in a hot tub with a bottle of champagne sounds pretty good.

Mo and The Purries said...

I, too, am sorry to hear you're doing poorly. Get some rest and drink plenty of fluids (yeah, like that was ever a problem...)
We're doing a significantly scaled-back turkey day this year also. Lee's been under the weather, and since I've had the one-two whammy of a fall & the busiest weekends of the year, I said screw it, we're doing a nice pleasant containable meal. Minimal leftovers and minimal mess.
Hope you're feeling better, my friend.
Mo

Schmoop said...

Thanks Mo. It may be a passing thing, who knows? I like turkey and all of the other stuff, but just not into it this year...Of course I may change my mind come Wednesday evening!!

Steven said...

Sorry to hear you aren't feeling so well slick.

I won't be going anywhere for Thanksgiving this year. Just sitting around the house with my wife.

I'm actually looking forward to it. ;)

Steve~

Unknown said...

Alas, the Iron Gouda is about the closest I'm going to get this year to culinary anything. This week is crammed so full of schoolwork that I'll have scarce time for anything, and we have decided to nix the travel plans. We'll probably end up eating out somewhere. Ack.

Get well. Drink plenty of Q. ;)

Schmoop said...

Sounds good Steve, just you and the Gorn...I caught the Star Trek Marathon on TV Land this weekend...Bill Shatner, what an actor!!

White Castle sounds good Allie...Mmmm love the "Q".

y.Wendy.y said...

I may be going to my very first American Thanskgiving dinner this weekend..an expat here in France...still trying to co-ordinate things....if I go I'll report back on what I think of it. We don't do it, you see. It's YOUR holiday..all yours. Food sure sounds good though.

Unknown said...

Well, the Canadians do it! Just earlier... ;)

Matt- White Castle? First of all, you're going to make me throw up. Second of all, there isn't a White Castle anywhere near here. At least I hope not.

Schmoop said...

Well I hope you enjoy it Wendz and give a full report. Turkey and dressing, yum.

Allie...White Castle is freaking fantastic, not to mention the best and fastest colon cleanser in the world.

The Boy said...

Its sad, I've rather abadonded Canadian Thanksgiving since coming over here. Somehow the month of October passes and I've forgotten yet again.

I'm sure all your faithful readers would be willing to buy a healthful prayer over at TBN for you

Schmoop said...

Ha...That's kinda like going to a Witch Doctor, but kind of you to say.

The Boy said...

Shall we club together for a healthful bag of Irish Rose then?

Schmoop said...

Wild Irish Rose...The elixir of life, the panacea, and yet is not so frogiving on one's liver. By all means let us forge ahead.

Laura said...

We're always lame on Thanksgiving, since normally it's just the husband, boys and I, and Hubby doesn't like sweet potatoes(!!), one of my favorite Thanksgiving dishes. Hubby talked about smoking a turkey this year, using our fancy new smoker/grill. Sounds like a long process and lots of leftovers. Maybe we'll just do a turkey breast, or a couple of Cornish Game hens and pretend they're dwarf turkeys...

Feel better soon! Maybe you could follow each drink of WIR with one of orange juice?

Schmoop said...

Mmmmmmm love Sweet Potatos...I may do a turkey breast in the crock, but homemade subs sound good. The smoked turkey sounds Yum-Oh...Hmmmm WIR and orange juice, "A Nuclear Screwdriver"

Unknown said...

Get well soon, matt-man!

We don´t celebrate Thanksgiving in Germany, so I´m going to cook a chicken soup à la granny for you, if you don´t feel better till then...

If you don´t want to recieve a mail containing at least 10 litres of chicken soup: Do something =)

Try to enrich the WIR with some vitamins...

kind regards,
lost-in-cookbooks

Schmoop said...

Thanks much Sanni...I tried to comment on your post but Blogger evidently didnt want me to. Thanks for linking me and I've done the same. Prost!!

Anonymous said...

You need to do fried bologna!

Tom Jones is sooo cool, even I threw my underwear on stage during a concert.

Everybody dance now...

Schmoop said...

Mmmmmmm love da Fried Baloney with Velveeta and Brown Mustard. I remember that night, he threw them right back at you. Boo Yah!!

Janna said...

Fried baloney with velveeta and brown mustard?? Ughh... now I feel sick!
Get well soon. Sounds like flu season has officially started.
Curl up with one or more of the following:
1) bottle of WIR
2) Haircare Joe
3) Carol Channing
4) Video of "Ohio Girls Gone Wild"
5) Loosemeat sandwich
... and just take it easy for awhile.

I'll be soooo glad when you get this whole televangelist thing out of your system-- you're starting to creep me out! Although the Joyce Meyer thing did amuse me-- I remember seeing TV commercials for her 'show' years ago. She was strutting around on stage, so SURE of herself... hmph. Guess it's easy to be pleased with yourself when you have five homes worth 4 million bucks.
But I digress.

Cheesy said...

[[[[[ u ]]]]]] feel better funny boy.... tell you what... I'll fax you a turkey sammie ok??

Always an extra place set for more people ... come on over... you can be one with the cult of Cheese!

Best thing about turkey day....

FOOTBALL! Oh and pie noon!

Lizza said...

Sorry you're not feeling well. Here's a Thanksgiving turkey you might like. This nurse will also take care of you, make sure you get all the TLC you need. Maybe she likes WIR too.

Unknown said...

Thanks a lot! Makes me proud =)

b.t.w.: any idea where to find WIR in Germany? Never had one... but craving to try *geeheeee*

Schmoop said...

Janna, seeing as these folks are now checking out my site I feel compelled to toss them a crumb.

Cheesy would it be alright if I had a nice juicy breast...or two?

Lizza, upon seeing the nurse, I feel much much better, Thank You!!

Sanni, you really are easy to please arent you? I'll check to see if WIR is available in Germany for you.

Jessica said...

I hope you feel better soon! I tend to get sore throats during the holidays for some reason.

Schmoop said...

Thanks Jess....And in fact I feel better today than yesterday.

Cheesy said...

BELLY UP TO THE BAR!!

**wink wink**

Odat said...

Matt, you're probably getting sick from that toga you were wearing!!
(or maybe from the hot italian bella (ut oh)....I suppose the Wild Turkey will kill the germs..
p.s. I love White Castle!!!
Peace

Schmoop said...

How can I resist ya Cheesy...Odat, I have bathed in WIR and all has passed...Mmmmmmm White Castle.