It's Morning in America Once Again...Sorta

Dear Speaker-in-Waiting Pelosi,

First of all, congrats on the elections, I am glad to see your hard work pay off. In a civil democracy such as ours, it is fucking hilarious sad to see any hard working criminal public servant lose. I am, however, pleased with the results.

Although I know that someone close to Bush will advise him that he can block legislation with an action called a veto; and even if the Dems win the Senate they will not be able to override him, I wanted to impart to you what I feel should be your legislative and political priorities. (Good God that was one long ass sentence.)

a. There should be a permanent price freeze on all alcohol and tobacco products.

b. We should re-deploy our troops out of Iraq as soon as possible. In the meantime, any incumbent who lost, and was a supporter of this insane war should be made to serve with a security detail on the streets of Baghdad.

c. Work closely with the Senate Democrats in an effort to muzzle John Kerry. The 2008 elections aren’t far off, consider making this your first priority.

d. We have spent nearly 98 Billion dollars a year on the war in Iraq. Why don’t we start spending 98 billion a year in our own country? Spend it on wacky things like schools, tuition assistance, the young, the old, the sick, the hungry. Also, I have noticed that it is hard to find good, quality porn films. A generous subsidy could get the American Porn industry back on track.

e. Call for a meaningless investigation into the affairs of Dick Cheney and subpoena him…just because you can.

f. Prohibit Britney Spears from breeding with whatever loser she marries next.

g. Please Speaker Pelosi, no more cosmetic surgery. You are one more face-lift away from going from being a fairly attractive older woman, to resembling the picture of Dorian Gray.

Lastly (for now),

h. Pimp My Ride.

Sincerely,

Matt-Man
Bagwine Ruminations
Springfield, Ohio