Trinity Broadcasting Network Rocks the Set

I was going to write a witty article about Rod, Benny, Paula White, and all of the gang over at TBN, but last night while I was sleeping a vision came to me. It interrupted a most excellent dream that I was having. I was playing Nude Twister with Jessica Alba and Anna Nicole-Smith, but I digress.

It was a vision of Paul, Jan, and the entire TBN family putting on a big Broadway type finale for their Fall Praise-a-Thon. They were talking in tongues, laying hands of healing on the crowd, and the “Charismatic Gold Digger Dancers" were shaking their money makers to a solid gold gospel track. It was thunderous, Hallelujah, and Praise to be to God. Suddenly, at the apex of the spirit filled frenzy, two men walked out from the wings with guitar and harp in hand. It was Woody Guthrie and Pete Seeger.

As the saved souls waved their arms back and forth, the duo began to play a song. A song to the tune of “This Land is Your Land”, and it went something like this…

As I was watchin’
My Cable station
Paul Crouch was preachin’
‘Bout God’s salvation
“You have been sinnin’”
So start your gi-ih-vin’
Your soul belongs to TBN

(chorus)
This Lord is Paul’s Lord
No way he’s your Lord
If you want mercy,
Pay at the front door
Just send a check please
So you can sow-a-seed
Your soul belongs to TBN

A man was cursin’
So Benny Hinn nursed him
A cancer patient
Who was a Persian
Hinn said, “He’s Muslim,
But now I’ve cur-ur-ed him.”
Allah’s no match for Benny Hinn

Then Pastor Parsley
He raged divinely
“I save chicks, who, lust vaginally”
Yo, all you bull dykes
It’s time to see the light
Spread em’, redemption’s drawing nigh.

(chorus)
This Lord is Paul’s Lord
No way he’s your Lord
If you want mercy,
Pay at the front door
Just send a check please
So you can sow-a-seed
Your soul belongs to TBN….

And just as quickly, the vision faded and my dream of the Nude Twister game returned. It was quite a disturbing transition. I think at one point Benny tried to hone in on my action and he whipped out his Tower of Babel…Ugh. Because of that, I loathe TBN even more.

I believe however, that for now, I have exorcised myself of the TBN demons. You’ll be happy to know that I have gotten it out of my system just in time for Stream of Consciousness Friday…Thank God!! Ha…I said, “Thank God”, how ironic.

Cheers…

And Now…Our Moment of Mary,

“I sat alone in the dark one night, tuning in by remote
I found a preacher who spoke of the light
but there was brimstone in his throat
He'd show me the way according to him in return for my personal check
I flipped my channel back to CNN and I lit another cigarette”

--Mary Chapin Carpenter, “I Take My Chances”