Christ is Born, Here Have a New Toaster!!

Ah Christmas…Friendship, food, the gleam in a child’s eye. Lights a-blinkin’, glasses clinkin’, and presents for you and I. This is indeed a wonderful time of year. I do; however, have some peeves about the holiday season.

First and foremost is the idea propagated by Bill O’Lielly and others, that our Christian culture and specifically Christmas itself, is under attack by free thinking intellectual secularists…an attack on Christmas that is supported by feminist lesbians who are stealing God fearing children from the arms of well meaning parents and raising them to worship Satan. According to the Great Bloviator, a societal holocaust is drawing nigh.

I have three words for Billy Boy, “Fuck off, nitwit.” So what if department store employees say, “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”. Will that make the electric hunting socks that you buy for Uncle Festus any less holy? Will the blinking tie that you buy from the bargain bin reflect a purchase in honor of the Christ child, or will it serve as a pagan tribute to the Winter Solstice? Guess what morons? Neither!!

Forward to the 21st century…Christmas for the most part is not a religious holiday any longer. I mean, other than for the residents of Walton’s Mountain and of course the Walton family of Bentonville, Arkansas, Christmas is nothing but an orgy of greed and avarice. Oh sure, families may give lip service to the Birth of Christ by attending a church service, but this is just to provide a brief rest from gorging on shrimp and prime rib, and to give the wrists a break from opening presents.

On the flip side, there is a large segment of our population who are mouth breathing, politically correct, zombies roaming the earth on eggshells trying not to offend anyone. I’ve got a bit advice for all of you folks as well. If you hear somebody say, ‘Merry Christmas”, have a piece of pumpkin pie, a shot of whiskey, keep your gasps to yourself, and shut the hell up. If you celebrate something else or not, that’s fine; however, if you overhear someone saying “Merry Christmas” to me, that’s what I celebrate…Deal with it.

Here’s the bottom line. Christ probably would prefer it if we all said “Happy Holidays” because that way he could distance himself from this celebration of “Gluttony through Christ”. Better yet, maybe he would prefer to hear something a bit more universal. Why don’t we forgo all of this rancor, and from now on during the holidays, greet everyone with the phrase, “Peace be with You”?

I’ll tell you why not. The phrase “Peace be with You” doesn’t move Tickle Me Elmos out the door or O’Lielly’s latest book off the shelves.

As always, Cheers, and Peace be with You.

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