Excuse Me While I Dehydrate...

I am under the weather to day with a wide variety of flu-like symptoms...a plugged up head, a hacky cough, nausea, and some loose yet colorful discharges from all orifices. So today I am re-posting a Haircare Joe post. Ladies and Gentlemen, from September 7, 2006 I give you the following...See you tomorrow, I hope!!


Hair Care Joe and I were near the end of the semester at BGSU. For most, the end of the semester is a time for focus, forethought, and finals. For me…not so much. I worked very hard at enjoying the ENTIRE college experience, not just the drudgery of academia. It was, in my opinion, time to party.

Sure, there had been partying throughout the semester. The best outings were when we would go to a party off-campus at someone’s house or apartment, and the host had no clue who the hell we were. We, of course had a right to be there, because of the obligatory, “Friend of a Friend of a Friend Party Law”.

Beer Bongs were big back then, and I became quite good at handling the receiving end of one. After a few of those, the fun would get underway. We found it hilarious to pick up the host’s camera that was sitting on the kitchen table and proceed to take pictures of ourselves. When said host had the film developed, he or she would have no idea who the hell the people in the pictures were. One of our crew had a penchant for pilfering women’s nightgowns and dresses from their closets and wore them on Sundays as we watched football. He would always say, “They just feel right.” This is the same guy who was hauled into the back of a paddy wagon during the busting up of a party.

You see, one night we were at a party that evidently drew noise complaints from the neighbors. When the cops arrived, our cohort in question was standing on the front porch with a good buzz going on. He stated quite loudly, “Holy Crap, look at all the pigs!!” Just then, an officer emerged from the bushes and grabbed him by the arm and proceeded to escort him to the van. Although drunk, our friend kept his quick wits about himself, and said, “C’mon occifer, I was talking about the women.” He was ticketed for public drunkenness, and dropped off at Doyt L. Perry Stadium, better known in Bowling Green circles as “BFE”.

Now, allow me to get back to the semester ending blow out that Hair Care and I had. Joe seemed to be stressed of late, so I decided to ease his anxiety by showing him a Friday night of fun. I asked him if he wanted to tie one on, and after threatening to mess his hair up, he graciously acquiesced.

We started by drinking some beer and Champagne Velvet in our room, while we listened to a Flock of Seagulls crank out “Space Age Love Song” through my crappy stereo. Our buddies Paul and Webb stopped by to imbibe with us. Good Times…Good Times.

With a nice state of inebriation developing, we proceeded to McDonald’s to prepare our stomachs for the forthcoming assault upon their linings. After Joe ordered his food, I said to him, “Your money is no good tonight. I’m buying.” I paid. We ate. We then rambled down to the bar district.We hit every stinkin’ bar in the city. We drank pitchers here, pitchers there, with shots of 151 everywhere. Good Lord, Nero would have been proud of the way we debauched ourselves and an entire community. Neither of us remembered how or when we got back to our dorm room, but it was evident the next morning that we had made it.

After shaking the grain fed fog from our heads, Joe said to me, “Man, that was a great time Matt. Thanks a lot.” I said, "Aw Joe, you don’t have to thank me.” With a look of appreciation upon his face, he replied, “I sure as hell do have to thank you. You bought the beer, bought my Big Mac, and paid for all of the drinks at the bar. Hell, you never have money. How did you manage that?”

I smiled, grabbed my towel, and as I walked by him on my way to the shower, I told him, “I sold your textbooks.”

I’ll see you all Monday. Have a great weekend…Go Notre Dame, and as always…Cheers!!

And Now Our Moment of Hinn…

“I've known moments when I've not only felt the presence of God, I've smelled the presence of God.”

--Benny Hinn