I have always wondered what it would be like to be woman…to experience the soft sexiness of wearing a short slit skirt, bathing my pouty lips in a puddle of creamy pink lipstick, and perhaps to sport a hot looking Bagwine thong. Ahhhhh, alas, I am unable to feel such sensations. I will never know what it’s like to have a door opened for me or to have a policeman not issue me a speeding ticket because I gave him a shot of my thigh.I think it would be great to have people buy me drinks at the bar because I was pretty, and that they think they might be able to get into my pants. I would love such admiration and respect. Hell, I might even get a free meal out of it if my heels are high and my fishnet stockings straight.
Yes indeed, there are such advantages to being a woman. I could lie around the house all day and play with my smooth, perky breasts while my
I would want a sexy name. Being of Irish heritage I could opt for something like Shannon or Sinead. Or should I go all the way and pick something racy such as Honey Walls? Maybe I should just hang on to a part of me that was, and call myself Matt-Tilda. Yeah, I like that. Matt-Tilda it is.
The thought of this transformation is so exciting. Oh sure, I know that being a woman has its draw backs. I realize that once a month my basement would flood and I would be irritable. I understand that mechanics would try to fix something on my car that doesn’t need fixed, and sure, I would put family and friends into uncomfortable positions when I ask them, “Does this make me look fat?” But hey, the positives far outweigh the negatives.
I mean if I were a woman I could go to the bathroom with women. I could take a steam with naked women. I could change clothes, get a massage, and have pillow fights with naked women. Is that freakin’ fantastic or what? Good Golly Miss Molly, slap me on the ass and call me yours.
What?.. What?...okay let me explain something.
Just because I want to be a woman doesn’t mean I want to have sex with men. Dear God far from it. I would never have sex with a man, even as woman. Men are pigs…I ought to know. I am one, and I know the last person on the earth that I would ever want to have sex with is ME!! No no my friends, even after the change it will still be all about the ladies and fulfilling my lifelong wish of becoming a lesbian porn star.
Maybe I have said too much, but I couldn’t keep the truth from all of you or the woman inside of me trapped any longer. This catharsis has lifted a great weight from my chest which will soon be replaced with a great rack. Thank you for your understanding…Now, is there any hot babe who wants to go waltzin’ with Matt-Tilda?
Hopefully I’ll see you back here tomorrow for Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiday…Cheers!!
23 comments:
As I woman, I can honestly say I don't do even half those things... Man, have I been squandering this vagina or what?
Matt, your posts are so good for my belly muscles--they get lots of exercise from laughing so hard.
Dammit, now I can't get the song Matilda out of my mind!
"Matt-Tilda, Matt-Tilda, she take me money and run Venezuela."
Men aren't pigs! Well, not all the time anyway, right?
Yep - you are a lesbian woman, trapped in a man's body.
But you forgot the most important bonus of all: multiple orgasms!
Allie: I have thought you to be many things, but never a vagina squanderer!! Repent!!
Lizza: I appreciate that and hadnt thoguht about that Matild song, so now it's in my head if its any consolation. And as far as not always being pigs...okay...we'll go with your assessment.
Tigger: I humbly bow to your insight. How the hell could I overlook that advantage!!
Multiple orgasms? Jesus, what kind of women are you two talking about???
Matt-Tilda, irish lesbian porn star... wait a minute, this WASN'T streaming Friday already?
How can you follow this up???
Allie: You poor thing. I will demonstrate it to you in my first feature film.
Mo: I guess I should be a red head eh Mo? In my first film I will have ladies sit on my face and go by the name of Patty O'Furniture...Bada Bing.
I'm just saying -- if this is what it's like to be a woman, then I'm REALLY starting to question my gender. lol
I should add that while I have enjoyed the pleasure of the multiple orgasm (probably, oh, 8 or 9 times in my life), the sad reality is single orgasms are elusive enough. ;)
Allie, I have never questioned my gender, but many women have.
Oh, Matty me boy, you make me remember all the great things 'bout bein' a woman, don'tcha know?
Thanks for the laugh, thanks for the reminder, and thanks for the multiples...
You're more than welcome Songbird. I always felt that orgasms should come in sets so as not to be lonely.
So, Matt...when are we starting this movie project. The 8mm is all ready, the "fluffers' are lined up and... ummm...ok nevermind...
Matt-tilda?
I guess it's not that much of a shock after all...
Remember we had photographic evidence back in October...
OMG, Janna! I can't stop laughing--that picture's amazing. What a naughty smile, but would Matt-Tilda, like Mattorothy, have a goatee too?
Allie, I'm feeling like a squanderer, too! Of course, I'm too tired to act on that. Matt-Man, if you suddenly became Matt-Tilda, you'd never get any sleep! Sleep is very important, even for those of us with the lady bits.
When can I get my first thong from ya?
Hmmm... I´ve written about the opposite in October (I feel sorry this post is written in German, but I guess this pic is self-explaining): Being a man for a minimum of 24 hours =)
AND: I´m happy to hear you will join the next Carnival! I missed you over there!
Patty O'Furniture LMAO LMAO
good one
I always KNEW your were a lesbian trapped in a mans body...
Redhead... very good choice my freind!
There is no reason you can't don the pink lip gloss and thong! Hell be adventurous,,, give it a try! I want the 8mm film of THAT.. you decked out .. at a bar... getting hit on and drinks sent your way... what a hoot!
Bond: Two Words...Mmmmmm Fluffers
Janna: I warned you about using that picture. As soon as he sobers up, my lawyer will be in contact.
Lizza: You have once again activated my insultaphillipina!!
Sanni: Wow you're sexy in either state of gender. The carnival thing was unbeknownst to me until the other day!!
Laura: I have an adequate stash of amphetimines and peyote on hand.
Carmen: I have one here you can have but it is used.
Cheesy: I dig redheads, especially cheesy ones.
Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOO...I won't be able to touch your monkey anymore?????? ;-(
Peace
I hear you can get it done cheap in South Africa. Have a sunny vacation and sex change at the same time!
Good thinking Boy...I'll check into it right away.
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