More Super Bowl Tips From Matt-Man

Note: For Fans of “Stream of Consciousness Friday” It Appears Below…

So let’s say you’re watching the Super Bowl and empty headed sportscasters are analyzing the game as to how it will turn out based upon certain conditions. They will use code words, and hot button phrases that may sound foreign to the neophyte football fan. I will interpret some of these tag lines for you so you’ll be well informed for the game.

“He always gives 110 percent.” This phrase means that the analyst doesn’t understand fractions and that a player catching a pass is going above and beyond the call of duty.

“He has to play within himself.” This denotes that for some reason, the analyst has an underlying addiction to masturbation.

“This game could come down to the kicking game.” While this statement is true, it is true of ANY game. If the Bears are down 23-21 with 2 seconds left and they are getting ready to kick a field goal, then Mr. Announcer comes off looking like a genius!!

“It all starts at the line of scrimmage and whoever controls it will probably come out on top.” Very good!! Since the center does in fact snap the ball it does start at the line of scrimmage. And yes, if the offensive line blocks the defenders, by golly they might damn well win. I bet you didn’t know that…No Charge.

“The Colts are a very athletic team.” Strangely enough the Indianapolis Colts’ football team is comprised of athletes.

“You don’t want to turn the ball over.” Evidently it is not a good thing to give the ball to your opponent.

“There’s still plenty of time left for the Bears to get back into this game.” This means that there is one minute and seven seconds left in the third quarter and the Bears are down 37-9, but we plead with you to watch the rest of the game and make our advertisers happy.

While there are many more examples of this buffoonery, those are some of the more frequently used ones. As far the odds of the game go, the Colts are a seven point favorite. I think the one bet that I am going to place is whether or not Billy Joel will show up sober enough to sing the National Anthem coherently. I don’t think he can, and I have $2.57 to back that up. Any takers?

My prediction is that the Colts win relatively handily, but being superstitious there is some hesitation on my part. Earlier this week, Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro was put down, and what was Barbaro? That’s right, a COLT. Hmmmmmm, is that an omen of things to come? We shall see. Enjoy the weekend and the game everyone, I’ll see you all Monday.

Cheers!!