This Sabbath, as we all know, marks a day of parties and celebrations that millions of Americans look forward to every year.
That’s right…
Put the sauce to your chicken wings. Fire up the chili. Ice down the beer. Flip on the 46 inch flat screen and settle in with your friends.
It’s Ronald Reagan’s Birthday, and tonight I’ll be honoring his memory during Gipperfest MMXI by getting so drunk that I don't remember anything.
It’s going to be a raucous time, of that you can be certain.
I’ll be drinking beer and noshing on Hot Right Wings…Hinckleys in a Blanket, and my favorite Gipperfest snack…Jelly Beans!!
Boy Howdy, it should be huge, and I hope your Reagan Birthday bash is equally as fun.
I guess there’s a football game on today as well.
The Packers and the Steelers will be squaring off in Super Bowl 45. (Take that, you boorish roman numeral users!! Roman numerals should only be used during Gipperfest!!)
My prediction?
Baron Rodgersberger will lead the Green Bay Steelers over the Pittsburgh Packers by sinking a three pointer at the buzzer to win 34-27.
Amen, and Amen.
And now…Things Overheard in the Bagwine Digs on a Saturday Night.
Schmoop: Cum on face baby, Cum on my face!!
Me: Oh yeah, mmmmmmmmmmmm.
Schmoop: Holy Shit you got it in my nose…Ewwwwww, it’s in my ear too.
Me: Hee Hee…want a towel?
Good times, good times.
Have a safe and fun-filled Super Bowl Sunday, and as always…
What a HUGE weekend we have on tap in Bagwine, Ohio this weekend.
First and foremost, the big news here is that Schmoop is done dishin’ out the chili from her sex kettle and now it’s time for yours truly to do her dishes!!
Oh Baby!! I‘ll be cleaning out Schmoop’s kettle alllllll weekend lonnnnnnnnng.
Lessee, what else?
Ryno and the 6-7 ECA Lions once again engage in exciting High School roundball action tonight at 8. Maybe this game they’ll shoot better than 25% from the field. Oy!!
Of course Sunday, the mother of all gridiron wars takes place on the unfrozen tundra of a climate controlled and well-ventilated domed stadium in Arlington, TX.
That’s right, Americans everywhere will be glued to their TV sets Sunday watching the Green Bay Packers tangle with the Pittsburgh Steelers during Super Bowl XXXXLMDCCCXYZ!!
I’ll be watching as well, and casually rooting for Aaron Rodgers, Greg Jennings, and the rest of the ‘Pack. After all, what goes better with Cheeseheads than Bagwine heads? That’s right.
My birthday is Monday, and since Monday birthdays blow, there will be off and on B-Day celebrations this weekend…celebrations consisting mainly of much Wild Irish Rose and of course, the aforementioned kettle cleaning of Schmoop.
So there you have it…a ginormous weekend full of madcap wackiness. I shall enjoy it so, and I hope you all have a safe and wonderful Super Bowl/Kettle Cleaning/Pre-Birthday weekend as well.
And now an I’m With Stupid recap…
Last night on Blog Talk Radio Jayman and I covered the Super Bowl and covered the world. Marty Martenstein reported from the Jerry Jones Super Bowl Party sans Keith Olbermann and we talked Party food!!
It wasn’t however all fun and games…Our Dutch correspondent Guy Ahnyurdyck reported live from the angry streets of Cairo, Egypt. You can listen to his report here:
(if the play button doesn't work, click where it says "twaud.io)
Jay and I also piggybacked on his report and showed our acumen in economics by discussing the current Islamic Revaluation that is taking place. Our opinion?
Trade in your Egyptian Dollars and Jordanian Dinars for the Chinese Yuan. Just sayin’.
If you missed the show, (and unless you are Dour Mike, I know you did) you can listen to it here:
As my days off are Wed-Fri., it’s not a huge deal to me, but just the fact that it’s Friday, makes a person feel better.
The snow has ended and only the cold and wind remain in Bagwine, Ohio.
With Schmoop being home with me the last couple of days, boy have we been partying.
I gave up the ghost early last night after we whooped it up for roughly 36 hours.
I had two ginormous cheeseburgers with fries and fell asleep last night at around 8:30 as I was watching Hogan’s Heroes.
I did not arise until 6:15 this morning. Mmmmmm a little over nine hours of uninterrupted sleep.
The only dream that I had was about me getting it on in the guard tower with Colonel Klink’s secretary…
Ach du Lieber, Helga!!!
As I typically only sleep 4-5 hours a night, this was quite welcome.
However, when I woke up, I discovered something. Even though it is butt ass cold here it is time to have my noggn’ shaved again.
Why so, you ask?
I always have it shaved at the point that when I wake up and get off of Kelly in the morning I actually have enough hair on my head to be messed up after a night’s sleep.
So I have requested my personal stylist, Schmoop’s brother David, to bring ‘round the clippers and give my skull that freshly shorn look.
I’ll have him to do it sometime between now and my birthday. And speaking of hair…
After taking that bed head picture of myself, I shaved off the beard. I am back to sporting only my uber cool goatee.
There was good reason to shave the beard off. First, it was starting to bug me. I am just not used to having a full beard.
More importantly, one of my customers came through the other night and said I look sexier with just the goat.
Who am I to question what the customer wants? Especially when said customer has beautiful blonde hair, killer eyes, and a helluva rack.
Upon hearing the customer's statement, Seamus and I, said to each other…Shave It!!
Well there you have it. I’ll be making the blog rounds today.
Since the fridge is stocked, Schmoop is raggin’, and I have to stay sober in order to take Ryno to and from school, today is a good day to relax and visit all of my buddies.
Note: For Fans of “Stream of Consciousness Friday” It Appears Below…
So let’s say you’re watching the Super Bowl and empty headed sportscasters are analyzing the game as to how it will turn out based upon certain conditions. They will use code words, and hot button phrases that may sound foreign to the neophyte football fan. I will interpret some of these tag lines for you so you’ll be well informed for the game.
“He always gives 110 percent.” This phrase means that the analyst doesn’t understand fractions and that a player catching a pass is going above and beyond the call of duty.
“He has to play within himself.” This denotes that for some reason, the analyst has an underlying addiction to masturbation.
“This game could come down to the kicking game.” While this statement is true, it is true of ANY game. If the Bears are down 23-21 with 2 seconds left and they are getting ready to kick a field goal, then Mr. Announcer comes off looking like a genius!!
“It all starts at the line of scrimmage and whoever controls it will probably come out on top.” Very good!! Since the center does in fact snap the ball it does start at the line of scrimmage. And yes, if the offensive line blocks the defenders, by golly they might damn well win. I bet you didn’t know that…No Charge.
“The Colts are a very athletic team.” Strangely enough the Indianapolis Colts’ football team is comprised of athletes.
“You don’t want to turn the ball over.” Evidently it is not a good thing to give the ball to your opponent.
“There’s still plenty of time left for the Bears to get back into this game.” This means that there is one minute and seven seconds left in the third quarter and the Bears are down 37-9, but we plead with you to watch the rest of the game and make our advertisers happy.
While there are many more examples of this buffoonery, those are some of the more frequently used ones. As far the odds of the game go, the Colts are a seven point favorite. I think the one bet that I am going to place is whether or not Billy Joel will show up sober enough to sing the National Anthem coherently. I don’t think he can, and I have $2.57 to back that up. Any takers?
My prediction is that the Colts win relatively handily, but being superstitious there is some hesitation on my part. Earlier this week, Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro was put down, and what was Barbaro? That’s right, a COLT. Hmmmmmm, is that an omen of things to come? We shall see. Enjoy the weekend and the game everyone, I’ll see you all Monday.
Note: For Fans of “Stream of Consciousness Friday” It Appears Below…
Let’s say that you are a novice to the whole Super Bowl extravaganza thing and are looking for tips and info on the big event. Well, maybe the following tidbits of insight and ideas will help to make the experience more fulfilling.
The Essentials…
Number one, it is most helpful if you have a TV or at least access to a TV. If you don’t, it makes it kinda hard to watch the game. Oh sure you can listen to it on the radio but that is just stupid. I mean, if you become annoyed with the announcers babbling on, at least with a TV you can turn off the sound and still watch the game.
Alcohol is the next most important thing. “But I don’t need to drink to have a good time.” you say. Blow me you prissy, uptight, Bolshevik. Start off Sunday morning with a big pitcher of Bloody Marys, drink beer and bagwine until midway through the fourth quarter, and then break out the Tequila and Whiskey. If you wake up Monday morning and you remember who won the game, you suck and your party sucked.
Good food is a pre-requisite for a successful party…Chips and dip, chili, chicken wings, brats, meatballs, and just about anything deep fried. Assorted fruits and a nice Chicken Stir Fry do not constitute Super Bowl food. If you serve this at your party, your friends will beat the crap out of you and then order out for pizza on your dime. So just shut the hell up, sit your bony ass down, and enjoy a big serving of trans fat and cholesterol for a day.
Some people like to decorate. Going that extra step to dress up the place is nice, but I find that a decorating budget is better spent on condoms and a good strong disinfectant for the post-game clean-up. One final note, if you have young children, send them away to a relative’s house for the night. You don’t want your big party spoiled by the kids crying after they witness Mommy spot you groping her best friend’s ample rack, and then see Mommy break a beer bottle over your head. Oh I know, the two of you will later have rough, drunken, make-up sex on the kitchen floor, but the initial shock to the children could be a huge buzzkill.
So folks, there you have it. I think that these Super Bowl Party basics offer you a pretty good road map to a successful weekend. I am always here to help each and every one of you, because darn it, you guys are swell. I may be back later today with a few insights on what to look for in the actual game. If not, enjoy your Super Bowl weekend, and I’ll see you Monday.
Cheers!!
Note: For Fans of “Stream of Consciousness Friday” It Appears Below…
I’ll get to my Bowling Green Birthday story next week, because tomorrow is Stream of Consciousness Friday which cannot be pre-empted, and I realize that I have not weighed in on the deeply religious American holiday…The Super Bowl. That’s right folks, Sunday February 4th, millions of Americans will be glued steadfast to their TVs watching the Indianapolis Colts wage war with the Chicago Bears to determine who the best team in football is this year…Super Bowl XLI, a game so important we denote it with Roman numerals.
For those of you who aren’t up on this event, the Super Bowl is that big. It is to many Americans what the World Cup of Soccer is to Europeans, Asians, South Americans, and what the “Annual Make Shift Raft Race to Miami” is to unfulfilled Cubans.
The National Football League has managed to market this event from being just another game into an event that rivals the second coming of Christ. In fact if Christ did return to Earth during the middle of the third quarter, he’d better not show up in the USA. If he showed up here and it diverted coverage of the game, he would quickly find that the brutality of getting nailed to a cross by a couple of skirt wearing Romans, pales in comparison to getting pummeled to death by an angry, chicken wing toting mob of football fans with bellies full of Budweiser and faces dripping with Hot Sauce and Cheez Whiz. Screw the cross; they’d be spiking him in the end zone. Final Score...Messianic Maulers: 49…Son of God: 0.
Different folks find different reasons for watching the Big Game. Some admire the athleticism, skill, and strength displayed during the sixty minute battle, while others who have none of those traits, enjoy pontificating about how, if they hadn’t been screwed earlier in life, would be playing today and playing better than these clowns. I , personally Some guys like to watch the game because the dude down the street with the hot wife will be throwing a party complete with free beer, a full spread of food, and when said dude passes out, his hot wife will be drunk and willing. Still others get all a-titter over the Halftime festivities. This year it’s Prince. I was hoping for David Hasselhoff, but oh well, maybe next year.
Whatever the reason you watch, I hope you enjoy the Super Bowl. Tomorrow afternoon (after Streaming Friday, of course) I will post some tips, insight, and information that will be certain to make your viewing of this spectacle more enjoyable.
Until then, may your field goals split the uprights, your end zone remain virginal, and as always,Cheers!!
It’s going to be a raucous time, of that you can be certain.
