Bum Bump Bum Bump Swoooosh Bum Bump Bum Bump Swoooosh…Ah such a relaxing sound. And it’s so nice and warm in here. Sure it’s a little dark and cramped, but I feel so safe just lying here. I just sleep, eat, and grow. God I love it here. I think I’ll take a nap. That beating and swooshing sound is a great sleep enhancer.Mmmmmmmm….what the? Damn, it feels like it’s getting cold in here, like a window is opening. Brrrrrrrr. I can’t really see but I think that the opening is getting bigger. Oh this sucks, everything was so nice. Son of a Bitch I’m sliding!! What is going on…It feels like the walls are closing in and pushing down. This is effed up. Okay okay, it’s slowing down and quieting down. Ahhhhhh now I can relax…
Holy crap, sliding again…Helloooo, where’s my happy place going? Oh this sucks, somebody help meeeeee!! Oh the pressure…ouch. Ouch…Ewwwww what’s that gelatinous SPAM goo all over me? Aw man, that’s gross. Holy shit, something is really putting the squeeze on me and it’s getting colder. Dear God, I’m in free fall now…Who the hell is doing all of that screaming?
Arrrrrrrrrgh…Phew, Doink, Bink, Blurp POP!! Waaaaaaah, where the hell am I, and who the hell are you? Waaaaaah get your hands off me. No don’t pass me to her!! Jesus Christ, I appreciate you holding me against your nice rack honey, but I’d really like to get a towel here. I am drowning in some type of God awful paste and I am freezing my ass off. And by the way, who was that idiot who smacked me on the butt? Ya missed a spot honey….that’s better.
Why is that man with the sharp thing in his hand looking at my wee wee? Whoa, back off mister!! Hey Hey Heyyyyyy…Damn, you frickin’ sadist. Put me down!! Thank you. Hey who are you? You look like a nice lady. I like it when you hold me. You don’t know what the hell I just went through…It was horrible. Tell me ma’am, do things get better or am I totally screwed? I guess I’ll find out soon enough. If you don’t mind I’ll just snooze here for awhile. Feel free to join me, because you look a little exhausted yourself. Zzzzzzzzzzzz
The preceding was an excerpt from “Diary of a Matt-Man” February 7, 1965…
There’s more Birthday Fun below, so check it out. I’ll be back later with a final thought.
Cheers!!
25 comments:
you remember all that? jeez I don't it must have happen during one of my blackouts:)
I just had to remember it until I turned five or six and then I wrote it down...
that was quite a flashback there, Matty me boy -- your first spanking...
one of many, I presume.
haha thats good well happy birtday and cheers to you!!! I am going to work Roger-n-out
Hey Matt-man just dropping in to say hi :)
That was from 1965??? Glad to know you were nutty even then.
Happy, happy birthday again, my friend. Maligayang bati! Wishing you all the best (and maybe some of the worst, which can be great, too. Haha!).
Mo, I got out of almost all spankings because I was the last of nine and Mom and Dad were worn out by then.
Thanks for stopping by QB, we can always use another bitch around here!!
Thanks Lizza, and I am glad you're back, you vixen you!!
Snort! You're too much!
Ha...Thanks DS. It was very traumatic!!
Happy Birthday, Matt-Man! Glad you survived that traumatic birth! That did make me tired. I want to go back to the womb now, but I think I'm a bit too large, and my mother is missing hers. Adult-sized wombs - there's an idea!
Let me get this straight -- they circumcised you as you were laying on your mother's breast? What kind of sick, sadistic bastards delivered you??
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MAAAATTTT!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
I hope you appreciate that...I don't sing for just anybody!
Have a geat day and drink one for me!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MAAAATTTT!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
I hope you appreciate that...I don't sing for just anybody!
Have a geat day and drink one for me!
See, now if it were today, you could have a mini-dvd recorder with you and we could've seen video of the slide into the world.....
one funny pup you are matt-man
You Americans pop out of the womb saying.."Ma'am"?...heh!
Happy Birthday Matt - hope you're having a good one.
Howdy Laura and thanks...I find the womb experience at the bottom of a botlle of Rose.
Allie, I think his name was Dr. Mengele.
Thanks alot Raven, I am indeed honored. Cheers!!
I made charcoal sketches of the event Bond...Gives it a real classic look.
We are a polite lot arent we Wendz. Thanks and I'll drink on efor you.
This is going to be a long day I see...hehe....I'll pet you today for your birthday instead of your monkey...
Peace
Odat, you dont know how long I've wanted to hear that from you ; ) Cheers!!
happy birthday!
Why thank ya Peanut!!
Oh yes such memories warm the cockles of ...um....wait
That was great! Happy Birthday.
Great read!
Happy Beladed Birthday!
TB: Do you have a cockle fetish?
Travis: Why thanks Travis. Cheers!!
Wayne: Thanks for stopping and for the kudos. Cheers!!
You Nut!
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