Thursday, March 15, 2007

Still Bogged Down

NOTE: Still have yet to get my stuff done so I am re-running a post about my hometown. I will definitely be back for tomorrow's Stream of Consciouness Friday. Until then, enjoy this post from August 9, 2006....

I mentioned awhile back that I would devote a couple of days a month to my hometown. Today I begin with a trip down East Main Street.


Main Street through town is also US 40, which was long ago the Old National Road. On the very east end is Kroger’s. Kroger’s is a grocery store chain that on Saturdays is home to a disproportionate number of inbreds and over perfumed women stocking up on Oreos, Doritos, and Diet Pepsi.


The dining facilities in the area are top-notch and ubiquitous (always a fun word to use). You and your family can choose from a myriad eateries. In the mood for a good roast beef dinner? Look no further than Arby’s. Feeling a little Italian today? Well I hate to make it hard on you, but you’ll have to pick between Pizza Hut or Fazoli’s. Hmmmm, Pan Supreme or Spaghetti ala Plastic Bowl? Either way, “Buon Alimento” !!


Of course, if you have kids with you, East Main Street offers Burger King, McDonald's, and Wendy’s. If you go to Wendy’s ask for Chloe and tell her that the Matt-Man sent you. She will give you a triple for the cost of a double, and put a little something special in your Pepsi. Love ya, Chloe.


Actually, there is quite a decent Greek restaurant in the area. Linardos has been pleasing the palate for years. Today it is run by a guy I graduated with from High School, good ol’ Harry Linardos. I gave him the nickname “Big Toe Linguine” nearly 25 years ago and to this day have no idea why.Well, now that your stomach is full, time to think about having some fun and finding a place to stay for the night. You can do it all at the Fairfax Motel and Lounge. Ahhh yes, the “Fax” as we like to call it, offers affordable accommodations, a well stocked bar, and a diverse clientele.


Primarily it is what one might call a “Biker Bar”, but it so much more. It is like an amusement park for the mind. Go to the bar at about 2 in the afternoon, order a Seagram’s and 7, and just take a look around. Across from you is a retired executive worth a few million. Next to him is a sales rep who just stopped in for one or two, but ended up staying three days, and trying to get him to buy her a drink is a crack whore, who really needs to go see Chloe for a triple. Every cross-section of America is represented.


Don’t worry if you get too pickled, because if you give the bartender 20 bucks you can have Room 116 until you sleep it off. A word of caution, after 8 pm or so, go barricade yourself inside of your room or just get the hell out. Especially on Friday and Saturday evenings some of the customers start blowing off a little steam, and the Riviera of the Midwest becomes the Baghdad of the Midwest.


Wow…I am exhausted and we haven’t even completed our journey. I will make sure to keep the car idling and we'll go further down Main Street at a later date. Until then, Cheers!!


And Now...Our Moment of Hinn:

In today for Benny is the Rev. Pat Robertson,


“Planned Parenthood is teaching kids to fornicate, teaching people to have adultery, every kind of bestiality, homosexuality, lesbianism -- everything that the Bible condemns.”--Pat Robertson

10 comments:

Eyezaku said...

the east street eateries sound very tempting Matt-man. im sorry i missed out on the rest of the journey!

Mo and The Purries said...

you know, this was the first post of yours I ever read...
oh, the memories
like the corners of my mind
twisted bagwine soaked old mem'ries
of the Matt from days of yore.

Liz Hill said...

What --no Olive Garden??????

Schmoop said...

I never got around to finishing the journey Eyechan, so if I get around to it, you'll be up to speed.

I should have posted my first post Mo...All it said was "test".

We have an Olive Garden, but that woud be on the north emd TB. We live in quite the ecclectic town.

jillie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jillie said...

All I can say is that as soon as I saw that picture...all I can hear him saying is (in his finest Homer impression) d'oh!

Mo and The Purries said...

Ha - my first post was "testing testing 1-2-3"
quickly deleted, I might add, once I figured out how the durn thing worked!
Wow, Springfield has an Olive Garden?
How hoity toity y'all are getting since Tar-jay came to town!

Schmoop said...

That's funny Jillie because I did the same thing!! Cheers...

Mo, Springfield is quickly becoming the "Florence of the Midwest".

Desert Songbird said...

You know, I pass through Springfield on my way to Indy from Brunswick. The kids and I will be making the trek again this summer. Hmmmm.....

Schmoop said...

Well let me know and we can get together for a drink Songbird!!