Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I'm Guelph Bound!!

My friend Mo of It’s a Blog Eat Blog World has given me 5 questions to answer. I have duly answered them as honestly as possible. Enjoy…

1. If you were going to create a vegetarian version of one beloved meat, what would it be? And what would it be made out of?

SPAM-Plant…I would use eggplant to create SPAM. Tasty? Of course not. Would I eat it? Hell No, but the glistening congealed sewer water that I would brush on it, would give the eggplant that actual SPAM look.

2. If by some twist of fate, there really is a Pearly Gates, how will you defend your Bagwine Ruminations Lenten Hilarity to St. Peter?

That’s a tough one. I guess I would put it back on him and say, “Yes I know it was offensive St. Peter but c’mon, at least I’m not named after a man’s wanker for Chrissakes.” Yeah, that should work.

3. If Corky were to have her own cat blog, what would it be called?

“Pardon Me While I Lick Myself” or “If Pussy Could Talk”

4. What dream career would you pick for Ryno - and would you want fame or normality for him?

If you knew Ryno like I do, you would know that normality for him is already out of the question. His mind is a mélange of twisted and demented thoughts, albeit very funny ones. I know that he would like to play in the NBA someday, so that is what I’d like to see him do. Barring that, he would make a great lawyer, politician, or actor. But hopefully he will end up being a rodeo clown.

5. Imagine little Danielynn really was YOURS. What would you do, as trustee, with all that $$$ while waiting for her to reach her 18th birthday?

First of all I would have a sex change so Dannilynn grows up with a mother. I’d spend extra to get a really big and firm set of tits, so I have something to play with. I’d buy a nice house in Guelph, Ontario Canada because it’s fun to say “Guelph”. I would donate a lot of money to my favorite charity, “The Derek Zoolander Institute for Kids Who Can't Read Good, And Wanna Do Other Stuff Good Too”. Oh and I’d buy an E-Z Lift Chair.

There you have it, a little insight into the mind of Matt-Man. If you would like me to send you some questions to answer just let me know. Keep in mind, I procrastinate. Until next time…Cheers!!

26 comments:

Desert Songbird said...

My interview meme will be up later today, so I won't submit to your gentle ministrations this time.

As to insight into your mind, we Bagwine readers are already privy to sooooooo much of your dementia, none of this is truly surprising. Still, we love you and return repeatedly. It's kinda like looking at road kill...

Schmoop said...

Kinder words have never been spoken of me Songbird!! Cheers...

Odat said...

Poor Ryan...a rodeo clown???
Good interview. I'm so glad you found it in your heart to share on such a deep level...I won't ask for questions...I have some already...I think I'm posting them tomorrow...
Peace

Schmoop said...

I am such a giver odat. I'll be looking forward to your post. Cheers!!

Mo and The Purries said...

Does the NBA have Rodeo Clowns?

Schmoop said...

No they dont Mo, maybe I'll suggest that!!

Durward Discussion said...

Mo sent me here and you are hilarious, definitely a nice place to visit.

He also did me in with the questions so if you get too many volunteers, throw them my direction.

Schmoop said...

Thanks Jamie, glad you stopped. I am usually good about returning comments but the last few days have been pretty rushed. I will throw somw your way if need be, and I'll stop over soon. Cheers!!

Lee Ann aka Dixie said...

BUWHAHAHAHAHA.... *snorts* BUWHAHAHAHA...

Thank God I'm finding things that are funny today. I think I would loose my mind if I didn't.

These backwards people here are killing me!

Schmoop said...

I feel your pain Dixie. Bagwine, Ohio is filled with backward movers. Hang in there and enjoy the cemetaries. Cheers!!

jillie said...

You've got me realin over here!!! I'm thinking that I don't like spam or eggplant so you can count me out on that one...EWWWWW!! Yes, I know you have/had a spam cook book. I can't imagine ANYTHING that it would taste good with....lol. EXCEPT a bottle of WIR

Schmoop said...

Eggplant is indeed disgusting, but donr be dissin' the SPAM Jillie. And you are correct, WIR is the perfect accompaniment for such a delicacy. Cheers!!

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Eggpam? Splant?

Tits?

Zoolander?

rodeo Clowns?

All in one post.. who wudda thunk it???

Unknown said...

HA! I found the 8% girly-girl (Crazy Working Mom´s Test) of your heavenly body - in question No 5! Although... 8% tits - that´s not a really big set. Maybe 8% nipples?!?!

desert rat said...

I "volunteered" for Mo's questions, too, but if you get too many eager beavers you can toss a few crumbs in my direction.

A Rodeo Clown? Definitely the pinnacle of ambition. It's so nice to see folks aiming high.

I think "wank" is a verb. You'd wank your weapon, so your "wanker" would be your hand. But, I still think you'd have a good argument with St. Peter.

Laura said...

I actually like eggplant, but don't think I'd eat it with glistening congealed sewer water. I prefer parmigiana.

I think Ryan would make a fine Rodeo clown. Glad you've got lofty goals for your son!

I'm waiting for Corky's blog. Let us know when it's up!

Wait, gotta wipe the tear from my eye thinking about how Danielynn is really missing out not having you as her Mommy Daddy. You never know, you could still end up in Guelph. Maybe when Ryan makes it big as a rodeo clown he'll set you up? I'm assuming rodeo clowns are paid much better in Canada.

Travis Cody said...

A little insight?

Melange...this is a $5 word. Melange. Can I type it once more?

Melange. Yup. I like that word.

OK - I'm done playing now.

Schmoop said...

As you can see Mr. Bond, I am quite the versatile writer.

Sanni: A female body that is 8% nipples!! I love how you think. Cheers!!

Rat: You may have a point about the wank/wanker. As far as being a rodeo clown, it was either that or a mime. Thanks for stopping!!

Laura: I did some market research and found that rodeo clowns in Canada are paid much less because they have so many of them up north!!

Trav: Melange...Melange...It is indeed a great word. Cheers...

Natalia said...

Speechless. Bows down.

-N

Schmoop said...

Ha...Thanks Nat. I am still having trouble getting on your site but I will have a new ISP this weekend so maybe that will correct it. Cheers!!

Unknown said...

Good computer time seems to come at a premium for me these days, as well as good blog ideas. So can I have an interview, Matt-Man? LOL

Schmoop said...

10-4 moi cherie

Anonymous said...

You'd be a woman with a man's mind. In Guelph. With a rodeo clown son. How cool is that? ;-)

jbwritergirl said...

I'm intrigued by your title for this post. Are you up there in Ontario? I used to play baseball in Guelph every so often when I was growing up.

Schmoop said...

No JB Im in Ohio...I just like saying "Guelph" Cheers!!

Anndi said...

To think I went running to apply for Border Crossing agent at the thought of you visiting Guelph...