Ahhh The End Is Near

Okay Folks, just one more day of sweeping away old dust and starting anew. Today is my last day of re-runs here at BR. I have however, given you a beautiful picture the fried SPAM with Velveeta that we had the other night. Gorgeous, no? Today, from August 24, 2006, I offer you the second installment of "Ask the Bag Man"...Enjoy

Dear Bag Man:

I love Wild Irish Rose (red of course), but sometimes when I drink a couple fifths of it, a troll-like creature with three horns and yellow goo oozing from his ears appears. The troll then begins to yell at me using what I believe to be expletives in Swedish. Is this normal?

Signed,
Troubled in Trotwood

Dear Troubled,

The answer is yes and no. The troll-like creature is called a “Rose Hobbit” and yes his appearance is not uncommon; however, he usually alternates his explicit language using Cornish and Celtic. And don’t worry, he’s completely harmless.

Dear Bag Man:

Some of my Wild Irish Rose buddies make fun of me and call me names like “Mild Irish Rosie” because I drink it out of a glass. They say that if you don’t leave it in the bag and drink it from the bottle you’re not a true WIR drinker. What say you?

Sincerely,
Emasculated in Huber Heights

Dear Emasculated,

Keep your chin up and your glass in hand my friend. There was a time when that was the ONLY way to drink it, and my name harkens back to our forefathers of Rose drinkers, but those days are long gone. Believe it or not, there once was a stigma attached to drinking Rose. Rose has come a long way. If one drinks it from the bottle, the full richness of the bouquet does not get released as it does when poured into a glass. Tell your friends that experiencing only a part of the beauty of WIR is just not your bag.

Dear Bag Man:

I am the proud parent of a six month old son. His mom is going out of town for two weeks leaving me to take care of the baby. With crying, feeding, and changing, I am afraid that this will cut into my Rose intake. Any suggestions?

Yours in Christ,
Dad in Dayton

Dear Dad,

Trust me, I’ve been there. I can’t help you as far as the changing, but you can do the feeding with one hand, leaving the other hand free for your Rose glass. If your son will not stop crying, put him in his chair swing and run the vacuum. If that doesn’t work, a tablespoon of Rose in the formula goes a long way. He will be playing with the Sandman in no time.

If you have any questions about Rose etiquette, food pairings, or cirrhosis of the liver just drop me a line .

And Now Our Moment of Hinn…

Wild Irish Rose
Liquid Heaven with a Kick
My Liver Puckers…

--Matt-Man aka "The Bag Man"

I'll see ya tomorrow for Stream of Consciousness Friiiiday...Cheers!!