I'm An Annoyinist!!

You know what’s funny? Ever since I left my job I have struggled with things to write about. I guess not having that twisting knife in my back that was a crappy job takes the edge off of me…good for the blood pressure but not the creative juices. I have no pressure be it real or manufactured to transfer humor neurons to my fingers and thus typing a caustic or sardonic post. I guess I just do much better in my life when there is a crisis or a sense of chaos.

I have been pacing and pacing the apartment floor this morning trying to devise a way to create that fear, loathing, and disorganization that I need in order to once again produce a story worthy of all the fine readers that grace the manor that is Bagwine Ruminations. I may have found it. I may do some things that, while not anything close to terrorism, may pique the interest of the authorities, thereby covering me in a blanket of anxiety…just enough anxiety to put me back into my writing zone.

I was thinking that I could perpetrate some acts that are not deadly but yet invoke a sense of annoyance into the populous and the powers that be. For instance, I could concoct a plan that threatens the city’s water supply. Anthrax? No….Typhoid? No. I was thinking that I could infiltrate our water plant and pour yellow food coloring into the supply. Can you imagine the look on people’s faces when they turn on their faucet to get a drink of cool refreshing water and out comes a cascading stream of what appears to be urine!? Priceless!!

I don’t want to keep the police from making their important calls but wouldn’t it be funny if I could sneak into the cop car garage under cover of darkness and do a little re-wiring? I could hook up the brake light wires to the siren of every police car and every time they touched their brakes the siren would go off. It would be a hoot to know that every time an officer touched the brakes an innocent driver would freak out and the policeman would have coffee all over his or her chest.

I could create havoc for gas station attendants by removing the 3 on the price board thus alerting drivers that gas is only .25 cents per gallon, oh the back-ups that would create. Not to let the grocery stores off of the hook, on every store marquee I would put a message up that said, “Free Beer and Ribeye Steaks.” I could even put a note on every McDonald’s Drive-Thru Menu that says, “Issuance of Big-Mac Subject to Physician’s Approval.” Fun times indeed…

The possibilities are endless. If you have any other suggestions of fun non-terrorist activities, please pass them on. Until then, Cheers.

Note: Ten minutes after posting this there was knock on the door followed by a smoky discharge into the apartment. I am not sure…what…it…was, but I…I mean….Bush Good…Stay the Course…Cheney Rocks…I love Karl Rov-…Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.