This has been a very tough morning for me. See that big bald, empty head on the right? I have a huge case of writer’s block. I have been awake for a couple of hours, had some coffee, some water, and poured milk on my head so Corky would lick it and hopefully stimulate some gray matter action. Nothing has worked, not even taking a shower with generator cables clipped to my nutsack. The only thing that did, was to give me an incredibly tight pube perm and fossilize my balls. There are so many topics out there, but most of them have been so overdone. Making fun of Paris and Lindsay murdering their livers and living off of melba toast and cabbage has lost its amusement. Another George Bush mis-mangling of the English language sounds normal anymore, and railing against the greed of televangelists again would just bore you.
Folks…I need HELP!!
Please, if you have a moment today, take the reins of my site and offer me your thoughts in order to unlock my mind. If you have personal question of me lay it on me. If you want advice on Wild Irish Rose etiquette, sex, or answers to the world’s problem drop them in the comment box. Hell, if you have a topic that you may want me to write about tomorrow or future posts, dear God let me know what they are. I am DYING here!!
So there you have it, Matt-Man is reaching out to you and counting on your kindness. I hope you take a moment to throw me some Bagwine Lovin’ into my comment box.
Cheers!!
NOTE: Make sure to catch the Mo Show BlogTalk Radio Show Tonight...For Details Click HERE
52 comments:
How about some childhood memories.. ones that made you.. YOU?
Cheesy: That's an option, but due to my six older brothers constantly beating me over the head with a wiffle ball bat, I dont remember much from birth to seven years old.
I'm no help, either, Matty Boy. Here I sit, alone yet again, while the family is off having fun. All because of this freakin' disease - I hate this shit.
Songbird: Man, sorry to hear that dear. I wish things were going better up there for you. : (
I posted pretty much the same thing on my own site this morning. Summer must bring out the writer's block in all of us, I guess.
Of course, you wrote it with much more flair than I did! LOL
How about detailing your morning shower routine?
Or 10 food or food products that need to be wiped off the face of the earth?
I'm grasping at straws here, my dear.
Your top 5 sexual positions and why?
J: Thanks for stopping by and both of those are excellent ideas. Thanks for the ideas and I hope you get unblocked as well becuase mental constipation can be very painful. Cheers!!
Starrlight: Thanks, this topic has comic possibilites but I will have to delve deep into my memory to remember what they were. Cheers!!
My advice, is just don't think about it....but here's some things I'd like to know about.....
How you come up with the questions in your opinion polls.....
or generally ...how you would bring peace to the world...;-)
Does your Pet monkey get touched enough...
Peace
Odat: I appreciate your questions.
My poll questions are generated by an Irish Gnome that I keep in the closet with my unicorn.
I would bring the world together by getting everyone addicted to and mellowed out by Wild Irish Rose. To stem any hate not contained by the Rose, I would run a worldwide broadcast of Rex Smith singing "You Take My Breath Away", thus focusing all hate upon a single person.
Finally, my monkey is very lonely, and he needs a petting or two. Cheers!!
P.S. Odat: I am not thrilled with the answers I am getting to my Poll Question this week!!
Sports man Sports
You could expound upon whether Tiger's new baby girl is going to be hot, or athletic or both. Or just post lotsa pictures of Tigers wife.
Don't the Bengals and Browns provide blogworthy material like everyday?
How about a guide to cheap wine?
Sparky: I do like sports so that's a good idea. The Browns are much too boring to write about, and I couldnt do the same justice to the Bengals that a CSI or Law and Order episode can. Maybe I'll go with the pictures of Tiger's wife.
Hammer: I am hurt. I do NOT drink cheap wine. I drink "inexpensive" wine. But that's not a bad idea actually. Cheers!!
Matt,
As you can read from my blog I too am suffering from writers block. Of course, I've always said that I couldn't write ... I think maybe it has something to do with the hot humid weather and lack of rain.
Sorry, I'm no help either!
SMOOCHES!
Dixie: It could be, because it's hot and humid here as well. I am just glad you stopped by and hoping you are in as good spirits as you can be. Cheers!!
It's obvious to me that you need to post more recipes. Tell us which wine to drink with mircowaved cheeseburgers... that kind of thing.
Marilyn: Good Idea. I may post recipes every Sunday from now on. I actually did a post a long time ago as to what color of WIR to serve with certain foods. Cheers!!
here are my suggestions:
just do your stream of conciousness thing and see what random thoughts surface.
write about what you know best about: you, your family, your fossilized balls, fellow bloggers, etc.
I like the inexpensive wine idea - I am always in search of good inexpensive wines (preferably red)
go do something else creative that has nothing to do with writing but makes you see things differently, then come back to writing.
more episodes of Lola and Inky, maybe a short story with your own marvelous illustrations!!
Lisa: I appreciate that you put some thought into this and will answer your suggestions in order....
Stream of Consciouness is great but I reserve that for Fridays.
I dont think that my fossilized balls are of any interest to anyone unless someone is interested in hard,empty, human tissue. The fellow blogger thing is a very good idea though.
You and Hammer have a good idea about wine reviews. Especially if they come in a bag.
I could write about how I can not only creatively talk while standing on my head, but masturbate while I do it.
An expanded Inky and Lola is something I have thought about too. I do have another one in the can which I will post soon. Inky gets a pet.
Thanks for the thoughts Lisa....Cheers!!
You still owe me the promised picture after the Blankity Blank New Year´s Contest =) - today might be the most perfect moment to post it!
Hmmm Matt-Man, how about the twenty things guys can do that will guarentee them NOT to get laid?
I'm sure in your mispent youth, you and your buddies managed to come up with at least that many ...
Good luck babe - I'm suffering from the same thing. I usually just post song lyrics...:P
Sanni; You know damn well that nobody needs to see me naked!!
Angell: That's fine, but all I have to do to insure that is to show up. Cheers!!
You could always write a lengthy post about your reasons for wanting me in the worst way. That could fill up at leaswt a paragraph... hee hee.
But fo' real, yo... here's a question for you to ponder on and possibly answer if it is deemed a worthy question:
You have been given an entire country for you to do whatever you wish to... who do you get to run your country, what are the foundings on which it is based, and how do you ensure that your people stand a chance at surviving.
And, be serious! You seem such a brilliant mind and I am curious to see how your viewpoints and ideas could play out if you were given such a chance...lol.
But also I think you should write about why I'm hot.
108: Interesting topics one and all. I just hope that I dont confuse the topics and write that my country is strong and progressive because I am having sex with you all of the time. Cheers!!
And for the record... I cast my vote for the Zeus one. At least, that's how you are when I'm in my bed fantasizing about you.
"Behold... my sceptor!!!!! Bow down to it!!!!!!!.... no, seriously, I said bow down... like, GO down. Yeah, that's it... now take it easy, it's NOT made of rubber y'know... thaaaaat's it....."
Try doing what I did...tell us about the most embarassing/stupid thing you've ever done.
I checked out the poll and I don't see why you'd get upset about the answers--nearly everyone got it right!
LOL... This could be a acampaign slogan provided that I'm slutty enough:
Vote for me because I'm FANTASTIC in the sack!
I hesitate to make any suggestions in fear of what direction your mind will take them....
108: I AM Zeus, but as far as your feelings, dont sugar coat them darlin' tell me how you really feel!!
Metalmom: While I find your comment accurate, it was not very funny. You didnt have to agree with the poll results so quickly.
108: So are potatoes.
Katherine: You may be the most intellectual of this bunch. Cheers!!
What kind of questions are appropriate to answer using a magic 8-ball?
How much should you tip the cabbie who got a free sex show as you took an afternoon delight trip with the town 'lady' of the night in his backseat?
Have you ever wondered what kind of body fluids might be on the backseat of a rental car?
What was this post about and why do I suddenly feel an urge to become a CSI?
damn...everyone has it
http://katcampbell.wordpress.com/2007/07/30/distractions/
Anndi: Anything that uses s yes, no, or Fuck You as an answer.
As far as the cabbie answer, as much as he produced.
As far as CSI, you have always made a good looking corpse.
Katherine: I look good in rigormortis.
Now you know what it is like to live inside my head lately... minus, perhaps, the hot steamy sex fantasies featuring Christian Bale, Clive Owen, and Eggo Waffles.
Oh, you're taking questions, goody. How do I stop burping so inelegantly whenever I drink beer? And please don't tell me to stop drinking beer.
Thanks for the Mo Show pro-mo, Matt-man!
And you know that some of your best work has involved religion.
I know aside from Lamas (that's August 1st for us pagans) there's not much festival of religiousity going on right now, but surely inspiration is just an old Testament chapter away?
Or, she's been dead a week, you can let the Tammy Faye jokes rip now.
Matt-man
No more about your sex life? I know.....what sex life? Palm-ela Hand-erson don't count.
Tell us why your mom abandoned you as a child.....why your brothers beat you silly.....and why your wife is such a saint?
And who's your tailor.....Idi Amin?
Cheers!
Allie: That's easy....get rid of the Eggo waffles.
Lizza: Silly, silly, silly, you are obviously not drinking enough beer.
Mo: God Bless You...I shall immaculately throw together a post involving the sexual habits of Christ and Benny Hinn. Not necessarily at the same time.
Matty: Ha...You are pretty damn funny, and I do have a thing for Matty-Amin. We shall see. Cheers!!
Drink more Matt!!!
Matt-man
You never picked up the Schmooze award I gave you!
Blindfold yourself and start hitting random keys on the keyboard. Don't stop until you put those chimpanzees working on Shakespeare out of work.
You know... since we all know that this is what's been distracting you...
http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/1054/lolkj5.jpg
Don't deny it, my love...
Roger: Ya think that's the answer!?
Jamie: Some think my posts would be funnier if I did just that!!
108: Woo Hoo...Good One. Cheers!!
You could explain the difference between an European and an African sparrow.....
What is the weight of an unladen sparrow????
psst! I stole that from Bond... ;-)
Bond: Mighty fine idea my friend. Although I am more into North American Swallows. Cheers!!
Pia: 12.7 ounces. C'mon give me something tougher than that to answer. ; ) Cheers!!
A diatribe about the downfall of society would be fun.
-N
Nat: Good One. But cant you just pick up on that by reading my blog already? Cheers Nat!!
You know I would help, but I often have enough trouble trying to figure out what I'm going to post.
But it looks like others have come to the inspiration rescue.
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