Matt-Stuff: On The Auction Block

Schmoop has been off all week, and I guess being off for a whole week with me has put a strain on her attitude. She has decided that maybe a long weekend away from home may be just the way to get her mojo back and loosen her clenched knife-wielding fist. She doesn’t want to put a strain on her finances however, so she wants to auction off a few things. Of course, the things that she is selling off happen to be mine. She may put them on eBay but she felt that she ought to give the Bagwine readers first shot at them. Following…a description of the items in the picture.

1. My last bottle of ice cold Orange Crush. I found that to be an odd item.

2. My TV remote which is constantly in my hand and is referred to by Schmoop as my, “dick extension”.

3. My Mark Knopfler/Emmylou Harris “All the Roadrunning” CD. Schmoop has given it a new title. Everytime I play it she says, “Dear God, Not Again!!”

4. My stylish purple SEIU picket line beret. Tres’ Chic, No?

5. My Notre Dame blue and gold megaphone. Many an expletive has come forth from this treasured instrument.

6. My favorite T-Shirt. This shirt is 15 years old and tissue thin, but it feels so good against my man suit.

7. My ukulele. Don Ho has passed on to the great poi pot in the sky so what the hell.

So there you have it folks. You can place a bid on a piece of the Matt-Man in order to save Schmoop’s sanity. But there’s more…

These items alone will not raise enough money. So later today, we will be auctioning off an incredibly fantastic item…something that is so near and dear to my heart it crushes me to allow it to be put up for bid. Check back later to see what it is, because you may not be able to live without it.

Cheers!!