Hello Bagwine Reederz. My name is Corky and I am six yeerz old. I begged my dad, Mat-Man, to let me speek my peece. You no about Schmoop and Mat-Man, but other than my illnesses do you reely no me? No, you do not. It is my tyme today to let the inner Corky out. (Ed. Note: Poor grammar Corky.) (Corky Note: Fuck you Mr. Editor, I am a cat and I am only six years old, in case you didn’t pick up on that.)Anyhoo, I do appreciate my dad saving me from termination. I was about to be gassed when he picked me up as a stray some for years ago. I am fourever gratefull four that. I guess maybe it wouldn’t have happened if I told him I was getting reddy to deliver five kittens. Butt we got passed that.
It’s been nice living heer. Schmoop gives me fresh water and food everyday. Schmoop even cleens my poop, and yet I give the majority of my luv to Dad. Why you ask? Well, for one I am a bitch, and for the other reason, when I lick my dad’s face, the Wild Irish Rose on his lips tastes like a combination of catnip and my own kitty urine. As Matt-Man would say, “Yum-Oh!!”
My mom and dad, are verry nice, but they can be quite strange. They both drink a lot. I do enjoy walking between their feet when they are buzzed. They trip and call me names, but the feeline chuckle is priceless. They still think that is an akcident. Humans are sooo stoopid.
My dad is a little prankster himself. He will ask me if I want a beer and I shake my head yes and he gives me one. He starts laffing because I have no thum to speak of, and I cannot fuckin’ open it. What a dick. Mom on the other hand, will throw me a Glad Sack full of chicken and watch me as I struggle to unzip the God Damn bag. That’s okay I give it back to them.
If they aren’t up by six in the morning, I likk their faces with my 80 grit sandpaper tongue and claw loudly at the leg of the dining rooom tayble. I guess it’s giv and take, and we luv each other. Oh, one other thing…I am a cat and part of my day is spent sleeping, shitting, and eating, and I do those things well.
I hope you continue reeding my dad’s site, because if you don’t, he threatened to take me to the zoo and introduce me to something called a Bengal Tiger. I don’t know what that means, but it cant be good. I hope you no me a lot better now.
Have a nice day, and as my dad would say, Cheers!!
39 comments:
Schmoop: And entirely accurate!!
Hello Corky!
Glad to see that your Dad let you have some blog-time. Way overdue, corkster!
By the way, you have very good Death Ray Eyes in your photo.
meow for now,
Jazper
(Ed. Note: Poor grammar Corky.) (Corky Note: Fuck you Mr. Editor, I am a cat and I am only six years old, in case you didn’t pick up on that.)
BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Way to go Corky!!;-)
The pussy talks?
Hello Jazper and Purrchance: He keeps putting me down but it was about time I stuck it to the man. I still have spots in my eyes but I will say Jazper, "Felines of the World Unite." Thanks for stopping by.
TB: HA...Cats can be such pricks... funny, but pricks nonetheless. Sorry that I missed your show. Cheers!!
Anndi: Shaved or not shaved, a pussy should be able to talk. Cheers!!
Your coat is adorable but your eyes are intimidating. What do your mom and dad look like when they're having sex? ;-)
Lizza: I still cant master the flash on my camera. Poor Corky has been walking into walls since Saturday morning. As far as when we have sex, she tries to leave the house. Then again so does Schmoop!! Cheers!!
108: I think you need some more than I do!!
Corky -- I blame your atrocious grammar on your father, who clearly has only given you tutelage while under the influence of Rose. Either way, you're still adorable.
Allie: I have always liked yoo. Expecially for the fact that you try too keep my dad in hizz place. Cheers, Corky.
Hmmm... you might be right. I'm the only sex I've had in ages and although I've told myself that we need to spice things up in the bedroom, I still seem a little shy and reserved.
Hopefully, I'll come around.
108: As Shakespeare would say, "To Thine Own Self Be True..."
Corky, you're an amazing writer for a cat! And I have two new blog kitty sisters to introduce you to. I'll do that later. Believe it or not, I've managed to keep them inside, except when one climbed out the window. I lured her back in with catfood, and locked the window. No more feeding the wildlife around here with domesticated animals. I know you cats like your independence and all, but the coyotes around here aren't fooled by the cool aloof cat thing.
Yea. I am glad that you replaced Tully. I hope everything goes well Laura. Cheers!!!
Fess up Corky! Would those techno troubles your dad spoke of which caused delay of the burgers,have anything to do with that look in the picture?
"You will feeed the burgers to me,,,,you will feeed the burgers to me. When I snap my fingers you will awaken." If so that is soooooo wrong unless you included something like " Oh and everytime you hear the words 'good morning' you shall drop your drawers,grab yourself and say 'good morning to you too! While using yourself as a puppet On the count of three ,,,,one....two...."
If that was the case then burger theivery can be excused. Otherwise, I am hungry.
BD
Schmoop cleans the poop.
Sounds like you have those bastards in your claws, like any self-respecting cat should!
But don't tell my cat, she's still a pussy - and is too affectionate for her own good. And I LIKE her that way!
That is your cat alright, Matt. He has that bagwine 'tude ;)
Awww. It makes me miss having a kitty around.
A lot.
-N
Glad to see that Corky is healthy again.
Well, I must be moving on before Mr Tucker sees this and starts getting ideas.
Cheers!
Tell that lousy bum to put your beer in a bowl or you'll spray his pillow ;)
Matt I have tagged you (or corky) for the middle name meme :P
Never fear I got half your comment list too :P
Corky, good to see my roomates of the feline variety are not the only bitches. I think I will try the chicken in ziploc thing, however Mrs Duck says no. She is no freaking fun.
Tell Kyra to take pictures
You rock Corky...thanks for the ideas!
Cheesy's furfaces,,,Annie, Snowshoe, Squash and Cassity.
Corky seems like a cool cat! Hey Matt I put ya in today's post ;D
This is precisely why I don't have pets....
They blog people's secrets and shame them all over the world. Mean little turds.
Hello Corky... next time instead of scratching the dining room table leg, crawl under dads sheets and play with that little toy you will find there
You will get what you want MUCH faster
BrilliantDonkey: Amazing!! That is exactly how it went down!!
Tigger: Lucky for you. Corky is a big time evil princess. Cheers!!
Nat: Cats are just the coolest.
Travis: Yeah she's doing pretty well. No use moving on, cats can communicate with each other over thousands of miles.
Sparky: See if Mrs Duck will let you put cellophane over a bowl of milk. Laughs Galore!!
Cheesy: Corky told me to tell you "meow".
Roger: Thanks I saw it. HA!! Rub rub.
Wendz: Good to see ya!! They are cute but you are right; they are also nefarious little shits.
Bond: Stop displacing your own desires upon my cat!!
Starrlight: Sorry I missed ya. I'll be by to check it out!!
Oh my! Too funny! This one is definitely a keeper!
Hey Corky...glad to see you're back to normal and feeling fine!
The results are in!! Check em out and see where your blog ranks!
Hahaa! "80 grit sandpaper tongue!" haha! You're too funny!
I'm diggin' this kitty!
Wow... Now you are a food blogger and a cat blogger. What versitility!
Julie: Thanks!!
Bobby: 10-4
Deb: Oh it is just irritating when you're not expecting it!!
Marily: Maybe one of these days I'll combine the two and cook a cat. Cheers!!
Welcome to the Blogosphere, Corky!
Keep on letting your inner Corky out =)
Now give some nose-lickings with you 80 grit sandpaper tongue to the 2 hoomans you own *purrrrrrr*
Sanni: She does it several times a day. My nose is so damn smooth because of it.
Wow Corky...you go girl..continue with the "tude". I think I like you!
Peace
hahahahahahahaha! whew. true I am feeling a bit whippy after a 20 hour car ride but that was damn funny.
Odat: She's has 'tude to spare!!
Lisa: Thanks and good to hear that you are safe!!
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