Wow what a past couple of days. I was sidelined by one annoying and persistent stomach bug. I spent so much time in the bathroom that I managed to read War and Peace, Finnegan’s Wake, and Bill Clinton’s address to the 1988 Democratic National Convention. Schmoop was a bit under the weather as well. It’s odd that we feel better on a Monday of all days.I did however, in between laying on the couch in a Gatorade induced daze and sitting on the can, I did have a few cogent observational moments.
For instance, Friday morning I was lying listlessly on the couch watching that lovable, diaper wearing astronut scorned Lisa Nowak, petitioning the court to get her GPS ankle bracelet removed. Her main complaint was that wearing it was unsafe.
That’s right, twice since February she has had to pull off of the side of the freeway to replace the battery, and both times she said that she felt incredibly unsafe. Evidently, blasting into outer space via thousands of gallons of volatile fuel in a craft driven by drunken astronauts is MUCH safer than changing a ankle bracelet battery on the side of the road. Gimme me a break.
Another observation I had is that I was reminded what a slug nutty moron the CEO of the mine in Utah is. Bob Murray is a complete money grubbing crackpot. Or is he? I actually think he is part of a secret wing of the US government. He’s not finding those six miners because he is evil, but rather because further digging will unearth Dick Cheney’s undisclosed location. Bob Murray, unfeeling crook, or American patriot? You decide…
I spent some time listening to the radio. I was shocked at the number of major rock stars that are dead. I decided I could get rich promoting rock shows featuring nearly dead bands!! I would open up with “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brother…followed by, “Close To You” by The Carpenter, and lastly California Dreamin’ by “The Mama”. I think I am on to something!!
Lastly, it has been reported this morning that Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez is resigning. Sure the media is reporting he is stepping down because of lying to Congress, incompetence, or the alleged “scandal” involving a hand full of Federal Attorneys. We here at Bagwine Ruminations have the real reason. The Labor Day weekend is coming up and with it the end of the growing season so he is no longer needed. Trust me on that.
Thank you for your comments while I was indisposed. It’s good to be back, and Cheers!!
30 comments:
Welcome back to the world of the living and breathing and eating and drinking!
Now where is our Inky and Lola???
:o)
Just kiddin man... I missed you!
Sooooooo glad you're back amongst the living, Matty me boy.
Now, get your ass back in gear and do some work!
I didn't like gonzalez because he was just as fake as all the rest of them.
We call them Rinos (republican in name only)
Anybody who calls themselves both Republican and supportive of this administration and its policies is likely not a Republican, but just a flipping moron.
Sorry, I just had to say it.
Welcome back from the shitter, Matt-Man. I feel your pain. Or I have at one time. It's never fun.
Cheesy: I missed you too, I was going thru curd withdrawal!!
Songbird: Consider me woking on your ass.
Hammer: Gonzales only wanted to be treated as someone important. Kinda like a Burrito Supreme.
Allie: Thank you Allie, I just want to remind people that you precipitated this. ; ) I still think you're HOT!!
Poor Matt! Is your widdle bum all sore from wiping? Glad to see that you're felling better buddy!
Myy bum is just fine, but thank you for asking...how's your's? Hot I hope hope!!
You're blaming ME?
Hey, I ate your weenies and Schmoop's Cakesters, and drank your beer. I didn't get sick. ;)
Allie: Braggart!!
So glad that you are feeling better...Stomach bugs are the shits ain't they... *giggles*
So hope you rear isn't too sore from the TP. You'll have to get those adult wet wipes. They are cooling. Trust me I've had to use them in the past. Glad to hear you are feeling better, keep strong. Welcome back.
Dixie: Yes they are the shits, but my reading comprhension has gone up profoundly. Cheers!!
Carmen: Typically, I use dish towels. It helps to buid up an immunity to bad toilet paper. Cheers!!
Great post, Matt! Catch up with the news and the state of your intestines! I saw part of whiny astronut, too. I liked how her "romatic rival" said she was still scared for her life. We'll see. Oh, my ankle is buzzing. Better go change my batteries.
So glad you're feeling better..sounds like it too!! hehe.
Peace
Yaay for having you back! :)
-N
Murray is a money grubbing crackpot and the probable replacement for Chertoff if he becomes AG. I can just see it now "Heck of a job Miney"
So a little "roid rage" is at hand I am guessing?
Glad to see you back sugar
Smooch
Laura: Be safe changing that GPS battery!
Odat: Not 100% but worlds better, thank you!!
Nat: Thanks and I think you rock!!
Sparky: I am so glad that I am not the only one who spots true craziness!!
TB: Thanks and somehow the roids came out okay. Cheers!!
if Mama Cass had given Karen Carpenter the sandwich...they'd both be alive today...
(apologizing in advance)
Gld to see you on the mend!
MattM that was whey too sweet~~
Glad you're back. Glad that Albert guy is gone... wish my vodoo dolls would work on the rest of them.
Feel better dude and maybe you should have borrow some diapers from Lisa
Wasn't Gonzalez reported missing a few months ago anyway? Glad you're feeling better.
JB
Katherine: That was Classic!! Cheers!!
Travis: Thank you my friend.
Cheesy: Arent you just the cutest?
Marilyn: Keep those Voodoo dolls happy and get them to work it.
Bond: Thanks my good man, but lying around in my own waste makes me feel shitty.
JB: He was hiding the Utah mine with Cheney.
I´m glad you´re feeling better, my friend... but I´m a wee bit sorry I missed the great possibilty to be your personal nurse - SHIT (in the truest sense...) =)
Oooooo if only I had know you were for hire Sanni...Cheers!!
Glad you're feeling better. :)
They'll stop digging cause they're dangerously close to finding Osama Bin Laden...
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