Tainted Beer Mugs

I don’t know why, but I have been thinking about how some people never give up their inner-child. For good or bad, I feel lucky that I haven’t, and those around me haven’t either.

Oh sure, most of us did silly little pranks when we were young, but sometimes the inclination to induce wacky happenings wanes with age. Fortunately for me, that has yet to happen.

I remember a few Christmas Eve’s ago my cousins, one with a 18 month in tow, showed up at my mom’s house.

We were down in the basement having some Yuletide libation and offered to give the little one a lesson in English. I moved the little one’s attention to direction of the television set, and said, “Can you say fireplace?” She then looked at an ashtray and my brother said, “Birdcage?” The little child then looked up at the Christmas lights and said, “Light?” To which we responded, “ No silly, that’s a crescent roll.” We were so helpful.

I remember being a twenty year old and myself and three of my friends went to a Krogers Grocery Store one night with a buzz going on. We each jumped into the electric carts to pick up some frozen pizzas. Sure we had a buzz, but there is nothing like speeding by the produce section at seven miles an hour while looking at cantaloupe and a display of cuccumbers. It is wild baby!

And don’t think I haven’t been the brunt of jokes myself. I was the last of nine kids. My brothers and sisters loved me, but they were evil. For the first five years of my life they told me that my favorite brother’s name was Joe. It wasn’t until I was six that Mom said, “Matthew, your brothers and sisters are evil and his name is really Vince.” What a bunch of fuckers.

I did do one thing that I thought was kinda funny. My brother Marty had a New Year’s Eve party not too long ago. I left about at four A.M. and I took his aspirin from his bathroom. The next day he called me with a huge hangover and said, “Where the fuck are my aspirin?” I said, “I have them.” “You’ll pay for this”, he said.

He certainly did. The next summer I took out a glass that I had frosted in my freezer. I poured a beer into it and it tasted funny. It turns out that he had sprayed all of my frozen glasses with cologne. Normally, I would be mad, but I thought that this was pure genius.

Have fun with life folks, it may be shorter than we know....

“When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things.” --Anonymous

Cheers!!

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