Name Your Poison

Those of you who know me, know that I am not a superficial person by any means. For some reason, however, I started to look at the Presidential candidates from a different perspective than I typically do. Instead of positions or proposed policies, I looked at these folks and wondered to myself what completely irrelevant attributes, such as their name would prevent them from making a good President.

Take for instance Fred “Big Head” Thompson. First of all, his name is Fred. Now all of you “Freds” out there, don’t get pissed at me; it’s a fine name. Fred is a great name if you are a neighbor, bowling buddy, or mechanic, but how much confidence can one put into a Commander-in Chief with nuclear weapons capability whose name is Fred? To me, the word “Fredageddon” comes to mind.

Now let us turn our attention to former Gov. Mitt Romney…picture perfect family, picture perfect hair, and a picture perfect 250 million dollar financial portfolio. Nobody has all of that perfection without having made a deal with the Devil. More importantly, I have it from a reliable source that Romney’s first name was originally “Biff”, but he changed it because he thought the name “Mitt” sounded more masculine…shows lack of judgment in my opinion.

Rep. Ron Paul, a lesser known candidate, is more of a Libertarian than a Republican. On the surface, Libertarianism sounds great, unless of course you are in favor of basic public services such as Fire protection, Police protection, and a well-run government operated sewage system. My main concern about him however, is that I have a personal rule in life…“Never Trust A Person Whose Name Is Comprised Of Two First Names!!” Don’t believe me? Larry Craig, anybody?

Lastly, we have “America’s Mayor”, Rudolph Giuliani. I’m not sure why he is “America’s Mayor” unless it is due to the fact that he did the job he was supposed to do, and then went on the lecture circuit to make a butt-load of cash yakking about it. His name disturbs me as well.

You see, his first name sounds very similar to “Adolph”. His last name is obviously Italian. So here we have a German sounding first name, and an Italian last name. Based on history, do we really want the Germans and Italians teaming up again? Hell, if elected, Giuliani could cozy up to the Japanese and we would have our own Axis of Evil!!

Well folks, just a little insight for you that you won’t catch from the Cable News talking heads. I hope it is helpful to you, and for all of you Republicans reading this, don’t worry the Dems will get their turn as well.

Cheers!!

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