OJ Simpson: Buffaloed Again!!

I am sure by now, that all of you have heard that OJ Simpson has been arrested and is being held without bail in a Las Vegas jail on trumped up charges of some sort of alleged “armed robbery/burglary”. Gimme a break.

Simpson is being pilloried for merely trying to get some of his stuff back…some photos, personal affects, a simple autographed pigskin, yet one that is full of memories and sentiment to the Juice. Is that so wrong? No, I say.

This man has served more than his share of his punishment by being slandered and libeled for a murder he didn’t commit, by being hounded by the late Ms. Simpson’s Boy Toy family, and by being thwarted in his attempts to find the real murderer(s) of Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman.

The man should be able to live out his life without all of this media and over-zealous law enforcement circus. Oh sure, Charlton Heston would probably say, “Shoot the damned dirty ape”, but the real Moses would say, “Release my OJ from bondage.” And this coming from a big Jew who would typically support the alleged “sting victim” on a 75% mark up of an autographed jersey.

This whole OJ incident is a complete set-up, and that is not only my opinion, but it is Simpson’s as well. I shouldn’t tell you this, but OJ called me last night, and he expressed to me how unfair that all of this is. I swear I heard him begin to weep. He and I are pissed because no bail has been set. I mean c’mon is OJ really someone who would try to flee? I don’t think so.

More than being shook up by the charges OJ is more upset of his arrest video. He pointed out to me that if you look at the video, it is evident that he is developing man-breasts. In a soft, somewhat embarrassed voice he asked if I would send him a bra to help support his burgeoning boobs.

When I asked if he was sure that I should send it, he said, “Matt-Man, my nickname has always been the “Juice”, I don’t want people to start calling me “2%.” I hear ya, my friend. Consider your Playtex form fitting bra on the way, 32-B, baby.

Our phone call was brief but he did ask me to keep up the hunt for his late wife’s murderer while he was incarcerated, (he’s very sure that the murderer plays a lot of golf and that’s why OJ hangs out at so many country clubs) and then he once more got very emotional. He said to me, “Matt-Man, please get my message out. Just as Rodney Dangerfield said all of those years ago, “Cant we all just get along?” That’s all I’m askin’.”

So my friends, I am asking all of you to contact the Las Vegas Police Department and demand the release of our friend and American Icon, OJ Simpson. He needs your love and support more than ever. Sure, someone may get unfairly charged with a crime once, but twice? This isn’t coincidence, it’s a witch hunt, and certain forces in this country are just tryin’ to keep a brother down.

Don’t let it happen again America, help me to free OJ Simpson because he isn’t a criminal, he is the Rosa Parks of football player turned private investigator and he deserves a seat on the front of the bus.

Cheers!!

UPDATE: We are making a new concoction tonight. We will be making "Hamburger Helper Burgers", oh there will be pictures at some point. Cheers!!