Oscar Meyer, Heinz, and Mayonnaise: Nice Costume!!

It’s Halloween Eve and I have no costume yet. Freddy Kruger, Dracula, or a ghost are all fine choices but they have been done to death. What’s a man like me to do? I don’t want to spend Halloween dressed up as something lame and hackneyed. I want to be something that is as politically incorrect as I can be.

Many years ago, a friend of mine showed up to a party in a wheelchair, soaking wet, with a realistic gunshot wound in his chest. He was dressed as Leon Klinghoffer the man who was shot and pushed overboard by terrorists on the cruise ship the Achille Lauro. Man, now that’s classic, and that’s the kind of thing I’m looking for.

I could dress up as a 10 year old Indian boy complete with an oil sack shirt and arthritic fingers and say that I am a garment worker for The Gap. I think that may be a bit ambiguous and some people may mistake me for a Guatemalan boy who works for Kathie Lee Gifford’s clothing line.

I guess my biggest problem is that I really don’t have any props or funny items with which to work. If I had a blonde wig and a set of fake boobs I would be set. I could take my son to the bar with me and let him run around unsupervised while I sat at the bar in my get up drinking Vodka all night. Voila, Britney Spears!!

Alas, the only thing I have to work with is a hot dog and some condiments…Hey wait a minute, I have an idea. A Hot Dog, Ketchup, and Mayonnaise are going to help me design that costume that was meant just for my “tastes”….



Ladies and Gentlemen, my costume for Halloween 2007...I am going as Paris Hilton's latest sexual conquest. Scroll down and tell me what ya think...

Maybe if I boil it, it will be stiffer... Trick or Treat and Cheers!!