Streaming Friday!!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiiday so pack your bags, go through security, and come fly with me because I had a dream last night that I was a flight attendant. Yep, I was dreaming that I was on an airplane serving drinks to Rip Taylor and Phyllis Diller. They were laughing at me because the skirt that I was wearing made my butt look fat….so embarrassing. Having my looks made fun of by those two mutants was pretty disconcerting. I think I pulled my groin while punting a football yesterday. My son was quite amused.

I hope you folks appreciate the time and effort that I put into the artist conception of how I expect my initial meeting with President Ahmadinejad will go. It came out so well that I thought maybe when and if I get to go to Iran, instead of taking pictures, I will capture my meetings with the Iranian citizens in stick figure drawings.

Perhaps stick figures would not give an accurate portrait of the Iranians; however, if I was meeting with the denizens of Ethiopia and Sudan the drawings would be right on the mark. I’m making hamburgers tonight…Yum-Oh!!

I saw an episode of Rachel Ray’s 30 Minute Meals last night. It made my eyes and ears burn. Speaking of torture, yesterday there was debate as to torture tactics that were approved by former Attorney General Gonzales. One of the approved tactics was “head slapping”…head slapping!!? What the hell? Is our torture program being run by the Three Stooges?

I find the name of the infamous prison, Abu Ghraib, to be very amusing. It sounds like something I would utter when completely sloshed.I can see myself in a bar drinking for hours and a friend coming up to me and asking, “Matt-Man, how ya doing?” My slobbering, drunken response would be, “Ahhhhh Booo Grayyyybe.”

Even though a Minneapolis judge wouldn’t allow foot tappin’ Senator Larry Craig to change his guilty plea in his stalled attempt to have bathroom sex case, Lightfoot Larry is not going to resign from the Senate. Nope. Old Larry is remaining FIRM. Because of this, his Republicans colleagues are up in arms and putting distance between themselves and Senator Craig. I hear that the attempts of political exile are so blatant that Stephen King is writing a new book based on Craig’s plight titled, “The Shunning”.

Personally, I’d prefer if King wrote a big ending where Senator Craig uses telekinesis to lockdown the other Senators, sets the chamber ablaze, and called the book, “Larrie”…but that’s just me. I just noticed that if I massage my boys, the groin pull seems to relax. Ahhhhhhhhhh.

Well folks, that’s all for today. I’ll be back this weekend with something funny, or at least something that contains words. Enjoy your weekend. Spend it getting inebriated at a local Oktoberfest Festival while screaming, “Ahhhhhh Booooo Grayyyyybe”.

Cheers!!