The American Soldier: One Lucky Mo-Foe

I couldn’t get the dream I had last night (see below) out of my head but I am pressing on with a post in spite of my acute case of nausea. And you know why? Because you guys are special, and deserve all the Matt-Man you can get. On this, I feel strongly.

This post relates to my dream as it involves Senator John McCain. John McCain, Joe Lieberman, and a few other worthless dick heads congressional muckity mucks are headed to Iraq for Thanksgiving.

Thousands of our soldiers, sailors, and Marines, may be thousands of miles away from the ones they love on this special upcoming day, but a lucky few of them may get to sit down to a meal of turkey and mashed potatoes with McCain and Lieberman.

In spite of being stuck over there, you are the lucky ones. McCain will pat you on your back for your courageous promulgation of a failed foreign policy, as well as allowing him to use you in attempt to raise his anemic poll numbers, and Joe Lieberman will shake your hand for preventing the Muslim scourge from threatening the existence of that thriving democracy we call Israel.

In fact, while most Americans simply refer to you as military personnel, Joe sees you as Defenders of the Twelve Tribes. You are indeed, the lucky ones.

Now I know that some of you men over there would prefer to spend some time with the likes of Jessica Alba, Beyonce’, or Jenna Jameson to boost your morale. And, some of you ladies would like to forget about the grind for a moment by swapping cranberry sauce with, well, me…forget about it.

This is McCain and Lieberman!! John and Joe!! So forget about your lecherous thoughts. After all, this isn’t a porn flick in the works, it’s a campaign commercial for Chrissakes!!

I am sure that most of you must be excited for this opportunity to catch a glimpse of these two Titans of Modern Day Statesmanship. Hell, if the stars are aligned just right you may even get the opportunity to break a wishbone with one of them. Just remember, if you draw McCain, watch out, he cheats. And if Joe loses to you, he will walk away ignoring everything you did to help him achieve his goals and Fox News will brand you an Anti-Semite.

So with all of that being said, to all of you brave men and women wallowing through the slums of Baghdad and driving through the shifting sands of a chaotic crucible, here’s to you and your service.

Enjoy your overpriced Halliburton turkey leg and the opportunity to appear in a photo op with John and Joe. You men and women deserve the best…well maybe next year, you’ll get it.

Cheers!!