Bagwine Ruminations has been fortunate enough to come across some correspondence involving jolly Ol' Saint Nick.Here are but few of the letters we have been able to obtain. Enjoy...
Dear Santy,
I have bin a good boy this yeer. I aint attacked no new countrys, and I say my prayers ever nite. I was a hopin’ you could bring me a bukket of Legos and a ham sammich. The food in the Wite House sucks bull’s balls.
If you think about it, bring something nice for my wife Lora. Hey, are you the same guy who plays Fat Bastard in the Austin Powers movies? Let me know, cause I have a fifty dollar bet with Condi riding on you answerin’ in the
Adios Fat Boy,
Gerge Bush
Dear Santa Crawls,
Fra Ra Ra, and thank you for pracing your order with our company. Encrosed, prease find the bill for your purchases. You will see there has been an upcharge of 25% added to the total due to your request that these products be lead free.
Sincereree,
Yu Oh Me
Accounts Receivable
Beijing Toy Company
Dear Me,
Screw the 25% upcharge, the ungrateful little shits can suck it up and play with lead-laced toys like we did when growing up. Lead it be.
HoHoHo,
Santa
Mr. S. Claus,
I have alerted NORAD and issued to them Double Secret Executive Order 122507, which states that if you should enter U.S. airspace you are to be immediately and aggressively neutralized. Should you decide to enter our airspace, not only will you be destroyed; we will also attack your manufacturing operations in China, Guatemala, Laos, and Malaysia. You have been warned.
Fuck Off,
Dick Cheney
President Vice-President of the United States
P.S. This letter contains anthrax.
Cheers!!
33 comments:
Great post,Matt! Yu Oh Me's letter was cracking me up but Santa's reply rocked!!
You are "Bag-tastic"!
Santa gets his toys from china? I wouldn't know I haven't been a good boy in years!
Metal: Thank ya kind lady. I think you are Bag-Tastic Too. Cheers!!
Roger: The Chinese kids work much more cheaply than elves. Cheers!!
Precisely why our kids' Christmas "toys" come from Fry's Electronics, NOT Santa - no lead!
Your mind continues to amaze...and confound me...
Songbird: But lead is delicious!! If I ever stop confounding you, let me know and I'll start using peyote. Cheers!!
Metalmom --you RAWK!!
Lmao as usual Matty--you SOOO need a shirt that says "Bagtastic"
TB: She indeed coined a shirt worthy new phrase. Thanks TB, and Cheers!!
Fra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra....cwacked me up!
Peace
Cheney is such a giver at Christmas time...
You. Me. Santa.
And a hot tub full of pumpkin pie filling...
you in?
VE: He is just a big old Teddy Bear that you want to hold close...and then cut him open and rip out his stuffing. Cheers!!
108: I am sooooo in. I'll bring the Cool-Whip. Cheers Baby!!
ROTFLMAO - glad Santa got those letters. Now mine won't seem so strange....
Angell: Yes, Angell, your letter will still seem strange. ; ) Cheers!!
Dick has a foul mouth, doesn't he?
So that's not fake snow in the envelope?
Real: Not only is it foul, it is not very mobile. That's why his wife, Lynne, writes novels about hot lesbian sex. Cheers!!
what's a little lead between friends...now really...you tell me...you bag-a-monious purveyor of frivolity?
Bond: Damn Straight...Let the frivolity roll. Cheers!!
Lead it be ...
*gigglesnort* Thanks for the "Ha Ha Ha's" today!
Dana: In spite of my Cheney letter, that was my favorite line. Cheers, and enjoy the snort.
"P.S. This letter contains anthrax."
LOL!
Great letters. I had no idea that even Santa had outsourced his manufacturing to SE Asia. It's an outrage. Too bad the Elves weren't unionized.
Jay: Thanks...And yes, the elves were unionized but evidently Santa's ego and bottom line are bigger than his concern for the elves making a living wage. Cheers!!
I want to know Santa's reply to Gerge and Dick....
That Dick sure lives up to his name.
I hope you're feeling better today.
the joint chiefs ordered NORAD to tell Cheney to blow...Santa is safe...
Sassy: Santa feels sorry for stupid kids. Cheers!!
Marilyn: I feel spiffy. Cheers!!
Kat: Dear God, I hope so. Cheers!!
Hehehehhe... and to my asian friends...Fra rararara...
Santa better watch out for the Air Force. They must have itchy trigger fingers by now
yea yea subscribe
I think Santa is going to put you on the good list for exposing this correspondence. It's something the American people should know!
Cheesy: You like, me like.
Sparky: Well they need to put their training to use somehow.
Raven: Somebody has to get the truth out. Cheers!!
How could Santa feel sorry for George or Dick????
Now I know why the assembly instructions for toys make no damn sense...
Have you taken adequate security precautions? Whistleblowers who reveal this kind of classified information have a tendency to disappear.
Keep your eyes open and look over your shoulder.
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