Gouda And Bagwine...A Delicious Combo

I have been going back through my posts from 2007 in order to put together a year end anthology titled, “Premature Ejocularity: Best of Bagwine 2007”. While doing this, I came across a post from February 6, 2007.

The post contained my answers to five questions posed to me by my sexy friend and catalyst for the birth of this site, Allie of Memoirs of a Gouda (click here and go to Allie’s site and tell her thanks for giving birth to Matt-Man).

I have a massive hangover found this post to be mildly amusing, so I thought I would re-run it.

Enjoy…

1. Would you rather have a permanent smile or a permanent erection? Explain your answer.

That’s a tough one. If I had a permanent erection and was able to empty the contents of my Johnson when needed, that would lead to a permanent smile as well…I like that. However, if by permanent erection, you mean always stiff as a board and no relief, then I’ll have to opt for the permanent upside down frown.

2. You are a condemned man and are granted the final meal of your choice. Explain each course.

I would have six Taco Bell Burrito Supremes, a case of White Castle Hamburgers, and a stick of butter. When they injected me, my bowels would open up like a New Orleans levee and leave them with a mess of liquefied entrails that has a big old P-U and F-U written all over it.

3. Armageddon has ensued in the form of nuclear war. There are only 2 people left to repopulate the planet -- you and Rachel Ray. Describe how, in the absence of firearms, you would kill yourself.

I would kill her instead. I would take my tally-whacker that has been blessed with a permanent erection provided to me in Question 1, and beat her over the skull until she succumbed. That would leave me alone on Earth with my perpetual stiffy…such a “touching” moment. Are you listening, Lifetime Movie Network?

4. You are given a time machine for your birthday. To what "when" do you first go?

Being the patriotic American that I am, I transport myself back to the moment just prior to the carnal conception of George W. Bush and bind Barbara Bush’s legs together. Just for good measure and some extra insurance, I kick George H.W. Bush in the nuts.

5. You find, as you walk down the street, that George W. Bush is flailing before you on fire. You also note that you have a mighty full bladder. What do you do?

That’s easy; I would laugh my ass off as I pissed my pants.

Enjoy your day, and I’ll see you tomorrow for Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiday.

Cheers!!