Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Merry Christmas From Bagwine Records


Grandpa got his herpes from a reindeer
Coming home last year on Christmas Day
Please don’t be too hard on poor old Grandpa
The reindeer got him drunk, and had her way

I guess there was at least one witness
Who saw the carnage, and the grief
Said, there were hooves and arms a’flyin’
And Grandpa, eating venison without his teeth

He said it soon became a three way
As the deer she got on top
She was a grindin’ on Grandpa’s Yule log
While her tongue was makin’ love to a big salt block

Grandpa got his herpes from a reindeer
Coming home last year on Christmas Day
Please don’t be too hard on poor old Grandpa
The reindeer got him drunk, and had her way

And now the worst part of the story
Grandma’s drowning in her tears
‘Cause this year at our holiday table
Sits a yearling with doe-y eyes and Grandpa’s ears

Grandpa got his herpes from a reindeer
Coming home last year on Christmas Day
Please don’t be too hard on poor old Grandpa
The reindeer got him drunk, and had her way

For today's biting social commentary, scroll down. Cheers!!

42 comments:

Unknown said...

I am dying of laughter from the words, and oh so pissed because I couldn't hear you sing....damn YouTube, I haven't been able to get sound from them lately.
Any ideas?????

Ed & Jeanne said...

Now that's a sure sign its Christmas! LOL

Desert Songbird said...

Imagine, if you will, what your imagination would be like if you drank some quality booze instead of that WIR swill?...

katherine. said...

are you wearing Roger's ball in your ear?

Mateo, you sound like you've been taking voice lessons....love the ending!

If I were gramma that "dear" WOULD have been Christmas dinner...

Schmoop said...

Sassy: Ha glad to hear it. Dont know why you cant hear it. It sounds fine on mine. Cheers!!

VE: Well, it is a solemn season. Cheers VE!!

Songbird: It just wouldnt have that edge dear. Cheers!!

Kat: My voice has good days and bad, and yes it looks like a miniature version of Roger's ball...um...you know what I mean.

How could you eat Grandpa's offspring? Cheers Buddy!!

Sandee said...

Bwahahahaah. I do think that's Rogers ball dangling from your ear. I loved the song, but I'm with Katherine. Dinner it would be. Thanks for the laugh. :)

Schmoop said...

Sandee: Well you are more than welcome. I guess deer jerkey is rather tasty. Cheers!!

Lisa Ryan said...

"yearling with Doe-Y eyes and Grandpa's ears" - PRICELESS

Schmoop said...

Lisa: Ha!! That was my favorite line too, and I had to do about six takes because that line is a bitch to spit out when singing it. Cheers Lisa!!

Lee Ann aka Dixie said...

buwahahahahahahahahahahaha

*sucks in air*

buwahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa

That is absolutely hilarious! You should send this to all radio stations... buwhahahahahahahaaaaa

I can't see the video at work but will definitely watch at home.

Schmoop said...

Dixie: Ha...Thanks. And I think I will sending out as you suggested. Cheers!!

Real Live Lesbian said...

My favorite:
‘Cause this year at our holiday table
Sits a yearling with doe-y eyes and Grandpa’s ears

I say we stew that bitch next year!

Schmoop said...

Real: I had thoughts of you in my mind while I wrote this. I have no idea why. Cheers!!

OBLadyBug said...

Too funny! It would definitely be venison for Christmas dinner.

Schmoop said...

Ladybug: (As a man, I refuse to refer to you as O.B.) Anyway, thanks alot. Thanks for stopping by and Cheers my good lady!!

the Book of Keira said...

Well, if I didn't have a hypothetical boner for you before, I sure do now! That was raw talent my friend... 100% RAW TALENT.

I got one up for you today, too :D

Schmoop said...

108: Mmmmmmmmm, Kyra, you had me when you said, RAW!! Cheers!!

cathy said...

you are as mad as a bag of squirrels. LOL!

I might have to sue you çause my face hurts when I smile too much :)

Schmoop said...

Cathy: I thank you and if you sue me for that , I hope we can settle. I hope all is well. Cheers!!!

Unknown said...

That. Was. BRILLIANT!!

My god, Matt, you know how to make me laugh out loud!!

Schmoop said...

Allie: I guess I am blessed. Call me!! Damitt!!

Julie said...

Okay now my question is...it's December in Ohio....why oh why is your ceiling fan on?

Were you looking at Schmoops while singing?

Jeff B said...

Grampa gumming the doe. Now that's a mental picture I didn't need.

Another quality production Matt.

Travis Cody said...

You've done it again. These are really fun.

Cheers!

Unknown said...

I've been laughin' since the first "Grandpa got his herpes from a reindeer."

Schmoop said...

Julie: We have to keep my hotness under control. Cheers!!

Jeff: It arouses me. Thanks and Cheers Jeff!!

Travis: Thanks my good man. Cheers!!

Nick: HA...Glad I could provide a chuckle. Cheers!!

Leighann said...

oh. my. gawd. This is the best thing I've heard in a LONG time!

My kids already think I'm crazy, and my hysterical cackling so early in the morning isn't helping my case any!

Mind if I share this post??

Schmoop said...

Leighann: Ha, glad you liked it. Share Away!! Cheers!!

RW said...

((((applause)))) Nice rash!

Schmoop said...

Roger: Ha! Thanks Roger, and Cheers!!

Odat said...

It's all been said already....I can't add to it...Was funny...
Peace

Schmoop said...

Odat: Thanks dear. Cheers!!

maryt/theteach said...

And I thought the original of that song was funny! Yours is hilarious...:)

Schmoop said...

Teach: Ha!! Thanks very much. Cheers!!

Marilyn said...

I like this one way better than the original!

Schmoop said...

Marilyn: Why thank you very much. I do too. Cheers!!

jillie said...

Well I guess I just ate my own words. This is why I will NEVER drink with a reindeer....LMAO!!!

bottoms up ;o)

Schmoop said...

Jillie: Ha...No shit. Cheers Dear!!

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

FINALLY got to see it and it should be up for a Grammy in 2008

Schmoop said...

Bond: Ha...Thanks V-Man. Cheers!!

Crazy Working Mom said...

I love it! So, when's your first album going to drop?!

I just can't stop laughing. That is great Matt-Man!!!

Tisha @ CrAzY Working Mom

Schmoop said...

CrAzY: Ha...Thanks an dmaybe a couple more tunes and I'll have enough for a stirring Christmas CD. Cheers!!