Post Coital Jocularity: The Best Of Bagwine 2007...August

Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiday is an integral part of Bagwine Ruminations.

The August entry includes such a post along with a picture of my primo cooking skills.

Pigs in a Blanket are a specialty of mine, but after reading this particular SOCF, you may not want to try them ever again.

From Friday, August 3rd, I offer you this 2007 Bagwine Classic...

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiiiday so bolt a handle to my hips and call me John Deere, because I wanna mow your lawn. Boy Howdy and Zippidy Doo!! We are in the middle of a two week string of 90 degree temperatures and the humidity is thicker than a Ron Jeremy hard-on.

Outside of this air conditioned apartment lurks pornographic heat. I think the heat may be related to a certain unfortunate condition of mine.

My willy is itchy. Is it jock itch? Bulgarian Blue Balls? Nope. It must be a yeast infection because I went sunbathing yesterday and something awful happened.

I was lying there with the sun beating down upon me and my wanker started sweating. Between the heat and the sweat, it activated the yeast and my wee wee ballooned up like one of those pigs in a blanket that I made last Sunday.

Very disturbing, yet quite fascinating…I had an overwhelming urge to grab a tub of Land O’ Lakes margarine and butter my blistered roll. Oooo Weeee, can you hear the sizzle?

I have to take Ryno to his school tomorrow. He has been selected to be an ambassador to the new incoming students, and they are having a meeting.

It kinda makes me wonder if his school is actually a Private Christian school or the same evil Doctor school that Doctor Evil attended.

After all, Ryno does accuse chestnuts of being lazy. Anybody have some Gold Bond Medicated powder they could lend me? I need to shave. My beard is obscuring my most lovely goatee. I miss Conway Twitty and Phil Hartman.

It’s ironic that I made a reference to Austin Powers earlier in this post, because I am meeting my old friend Sherri for breakfast Sunday. Where, you ask? Frisch’s Big Boy!! Maybe Burt Bacharach will show up and play the piano for us.

I’ll make sure to ask her if she wants to shag. Don’t worry she won’t slap me, knowing her she will say, “Why? Do you have a friend that I might find attractive?” It’ll be just like talking to Schmoop.

It will be fun reminiscing about how we got caught fooling around in a men’s bathroom stall by one of my brothers…How we celebrated one Thanksgiving by having sex on a public sidewalk.

Of course when we worked at Hardee’s and our buddy Alan had his eyebrows blown off while lighting the grill one morning was classic. Good Times…Good Times.

I’ll try to get her to let me take her picture for you all. If not, I’ll secretly take one of her ass as she walks to her car. “Vehicle” by “The Ides of March” may be my favorite song of all time. Go figure.

Well folks, I am off to the drugstore to get a big tube of Zinc Oxide to clear up my penis pustules. I’ll have to put some on the cat as well. I have no idea how she contracted it…

Seriously, no idea. Make sure to stop by this weekend because I have a new installment of Inky and Lola and of course Sunday culinary pictures.

Enjoy your weekend. Spend it chatting with an old friend over bacon and eggs, or if you are lucky, over olive oil and Fruit Roll-Ups.

To read the entries from January through August, just scroll on down, baby...Cheers!!