Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Ronald McDonald, Grease for Good Grades

It’s a rainy Sunday here in Bagwine, Ohio, but not nearly as bleak and treacherous as the climate in Orlando, Florida.

While we in Ohio are faced with a little bit of rain, kids in Seminole County Florida are being brainwashed by that evil Clown of Hi-Caloric Calamity, Ronald McDonald.

Some parents in that school district are shocked, shocked I say, because McDonald's is rewarding elementary students a free Happy Meal if they get A’s and B’s on their report card. Do you realize what this means, folks?

It means, that by the time these kids reach middle school or junior high, all of the smart kids will be fat, and the dullards will be skinny. On the playground there will be kids saying, “Hey Jimmy, look at the huge ass on Cathy, I bet she could help us with our Algebra.”

Shame on you McDonald's, shame on you. You are initiating a schism in our society and heartache for one, Susan Pagan.

Susan Pagan is the courageous mother of one of the students that has been harmed by the gluttony of the Golden Arches, and she is the one who has brought this dark plot into the national spotlight. According to an ABC News article, this is how it went down:

Susan Pagan couldn't believe it when her nine-year-old daughter Cathy came home from school with a report card that included a photo of McDonalds items. Cathy was thrilled, because the report card offered every student who gets As and Bs a free "Happy Meal," and she was one of those bright students."I was appalled and shocked, because I don't want her eating that type of food," said Pagan.

God speed Susan Pagan…You are incredibly brave to come out and let the world know that not only are chicken nuggets a tasty temptation, but that you and other parents appear to hold far less sway over your children’s eating habits than does a creepy clown holding a cheeseburger.

Sarcasm aside, as a big fan of self-promotion, I want to congratulate this lady for taking a stupid issue like this and getting a helluva lot of “face time”. Well done. Secondly, I want to have her life. I mean, if this is the biggest problem in her life, she’s not only living large; her life is Super-Sized!!

Ms. Pagan I will pass your name on to the Surgeon General, you would fit in well with his campaign to get Santa to lose a few pounds.

Speaking of which, true to their word, my local paper printed my outrage (the G-Rated version) about folks calling for Santa to go on a diet and quit being a child’s role model for obesity. You can stop by Bagwine, Ohio and pick up today’s paper or read it online by clicking HERE.

My lengthy diatribe has left us little time for our weekly petitions, so I will end with this…Lord, please reward me and all who attended this service with a Big Mac Combo Meal, and of course, Super-Size it. Lord, hear our prayer.

Amen, and Amen.

Enjoy your Sunday all. Cheers!!

NOTE: Check out Turnbaby’s BlogTalk Radio show tonight. Click HERE for details.