Later today, former U.S. Senator George Mitchell will release his 300 page report which deals with the problem of steroid use in Major League Baseball. This report is expected to name names of some big stars who have used steroids and other performance enhancing drugs.
Great job Mr. Mitchell, but we have a much bigger, yet little known steroid problem in this country…juiced up Menorahs…and they are outperforming Christmas Trees everywhere.
Don’t believe me? Come with me to the little town of Long Beach, NY. "What's up with the giant menorah and the Charlie Brown Christmas tree?" resident Rick Hoffman asked.
Mr. Hoffman was referring to the holiday display on City Hall plaza that contained a 7 foot tall Christmas Tree which was dwarfed by a 20 foot tall Menorah.
The site of this towering, doped up Menorah has offended the Christians sensitivities of this community; so much so, that City Hall has been deluged with letters, phone calls, and personal testimonials from boiling mad believers of the Baby Jeebus.
Nothing less than a tree of equal or greater size compared to the MGH (Menorah Growth Hormone) laced candle will be acceptable.
Ask, and ye shall receive O Christians of Long Beach, NY. Your prayers have been answered. The city found a new tree. A 20 foot tall blue spruce. A massive, Ron Jeremy sized phallic symbol of the power of The Almighty which produced the Christ child. Light that baby up, and Praise the Lord, because this is a battle won in the War on Christmas.
Now, if only someone would tell these morons that a Christmas Tree isn’t a symbol of Christianity. Oy Vay!!
Between the Surgeon General saying Santa should lose weight, Susan Pagan being “outraged” over her daughter getting a Happy Meal for good grades, and now these biblically challenged boneheads suffering from symbol envy, the striking TV writers may never work again.
Real life stupid beats a well-written sitcom script every time.
Cheers!!
Don’t forget…I will be on Turnbaby’s BlogTalk Radio Show Sunday night at 8 P.M. EST. For details click HERE.
38 comments:
"Real life stupid beats a well-written sitcom script every time."
I couldn't have said it better!
Methinks they have menorah envy.
Baseball has been dead to me since the last players walkout. Maybe the steroid problem will be the last nail in the coffin.
Metalmom: Thank ya. These folks do make me feel better about myself. Cheers!!
Hammer: I still love the game but yes, I don't get excited about it like I used to. Cheers!!
Hey wasn't the Christmas tree started by the Vikings...first they tied somebody to a pine tree or yule log then they lit that baby up!
People are always whining about something now aren't they?
It must be nearing Christmas...I feel like hugging you!
Bwahahahahahaha!
Roger: HA....Very good. Cheers Roger!!
Julie: Ooooo baby, a yuletide hug from the J-Woman. Merry Christmas to Me!!
Love your blog matt-man!
Kind of makes you wonder what would have happened had they placed a 20' nativity scene right next to that 20' menorah, doesn't it??
Dana: Thank you very much. Wow a 20' Nativity scene!! That would be one big Baby Jesus!! Thanks for stopping by and Cheers!!
Everyone seems to be eating an extra bowl of stupid these days!
Great post!
Peace
Odat: Ha, well said. A big bowl of stupid with a side of french fried Head Up My Ass. Cheers!!
None of those asshats could beat me in a pissing contest. I take diuretics, you know...
Songbird: Just one more thing to add to my list as to why I love you so damn much. Cheers!!
Got my morning fix...need it to deal with the FIL this morning...he's kidnapping me.
Come read my Rockdog inspired post today.
And who gives and F about the size of your tree/menorrah these days...size doesn't matter...yeah not even in sex.
Sassy has a headache this morning, can you tell?
Sassy: Size doesn't matter? I think I love you. Have some Rose for your aching head Sassy. Cheers!!
What is this world coming to? In the words of Forrest Gumpp.. "stupid is as stupid does"
wow.... I think that whole ordeal is sue worthy, don't you?
Dixie: Forrest was a smart, smart man. And I have cough due to cold. Cheers!!
Leighann: Well, they did get their Yuletide penis extension, but I am sure that there is some latent emotional scars that are worthy of compensation. Cheers!!
Menorah Growth Hormone
You kill me.
PS: I wrote a review of your site for Stumble Upon!
Ho Ho Ho
mo
Mo: Why thank ya Mo-Man. And thanks for the review...I think. I'll go check it out. Cheers my good man!!
These people need a life.
Christmas trees make me horny.
Marilyn: They don't need a life; they need dirt sleep. Cheers!!
108: Me too, but only if there are eight naked maids a milking underneath it. Cheers!!
It's not about size baby... It's how you use it... Where the hell is my camera????
Shalom and pass the Manachevits wine~~~
Cheesy: Your camera? You lost me Cheesy...maybe one or both of us has had too much wine already. Cheers!!
Symbol envy? That's funny! I can just hear the Jews telling the Christians "But size doesn't matter..."
VE: Ha, thanks. And you're right, and the Jews can point to Davey and Goliath as an example. Bada Bing. Cheers!!
Well, when you say religion (any religion) there is going to be trouble. We have a nation of idiots and you've only cited three in this post. Have a great day Matt-Man and thanks for the laugh. :)
biblically challenged boneheads suffering from symbol envy....no kidding....they don't have the balls to put up a 20 foot nativity scene.
I am sooooo wating for the Mitchell report.....let's see if Clemens gets the same treatment as Bonds...et cetera...
Sandee: You're welcome and if I were to list all of the idiots, I would use up all of Blogger's server space. Cheers!!
Kat: It comes out in about an hour and fifteen minutes. I agree, Clemens and anyone else should catch just as much flack as Bonds, but I doubt that they will. Cheers!!
Whew! If there would have been a 20' nativity scene I am sure Mary would not let Joseph near her again. Well, wait a minute....maybe she would...20'man? Woooohoooo!! Sweet Jesus! lol
cheers to ya!
Jillie: And if it was next to a 20foot Menorah, I can see the stable and manger going up in one big blessed flame. Oh the humanity!! Cheers Jillie!!
Ah...the commercialization of the season never ceases to amaze. Wait until the Kwanzaa symbol out-phalluses everything!
Tigger: Once you go Kwanzaa, there's nothing more you want-za. Cheers!!
Like there was a pine tree in the fricking desert where he was born! Now if they had demanded a 20 foot tall nativity scene, that I could understand.
"Real life stupid beats a well-written sitcom script every time."
DAMN, you are brilliant
I read the list of names but haven't read the full report yet.
As to Katherine's question...they are all cheaters to me and I will treat them all equally as cheaters. They have all ruined the game for me. There are names on that list - LoDuca and Gagne - that were favorites of mine when they were with the Dodgers. They are now drug cheats and every bit as despicable to me as Bonds.
They had a choice. They did not have to take the drugs. They chose to do so and I will not accept the excuse that everyone else was doing it. I never got away with that one with my mom. I am responsible for my choices and so are these drug cheats.
Sorry about the rant.
As to the Mennorah vs Christmas Tree...bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Are you claiming that the pope might have stolen a pagan symbol to incorporate the unbelievers into the faith? And you honestly believe there are drugs in professional sports? I just don't know what's up with you these days, honestly...
Raven: Don't try to understand people. It makes the head hurt. Cheers!!
Bond: Ha...Thanks and Cheers!!
Travis: From disgusted angst to a Yuletide chuckle...Your comment had it all, and I agree with you. Cheers!!
Boy: Stolen symbols? The Catholic Church marketing it's faith? Blasphemer!! I guess I'mm just not thinking straight these days. Cheers!!
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