Today’s post will be brief and unfunny. Which, I guess, is something that I half way achieve on a daily basis, but I digress…I have some wheels to grease on the Matt-Man Presidential Campaign.
I will be finishing up my press release announcing my candidacy and sending it out to, as it stands now, 56 radio stations, newspapers, and TV Stations.
I will post the release in the near future and of course, keep you updated as to any responses that I may get. I know you will be sitting on the edge of your collective seats to hear about the media’s response…Well, just fake some enthusiastic interest for me, would ya? Thanks.
I must also spend some time trying to smooth over some bad blood between my staff and our campaign’s Tennessee coordinator.
It seems an oversight on the appreciation front, took place between Dixie and my staff. I feel badly, but naturally, I was completely in the dark about the transgression. No, really.
Also, I have decided that in order to contact my national campaign team via this site I will from time to time send out coded messages to them.
Coded campaign messages that on the surface seem like everyday conversation relevant to where my operatives work. I call this new segment, get this:
Coded Campaign Messages That on the Surface Seem Like Everyday Conversation Relevant to Where My Operatives Work.
Lastly, on today’s agenda, I will be producing my first 30-60 second campaign ad. Doesn’t seem like a big task, but since I have no cool graphics programs, no mic hooked up to my computer, and just a digital camera with which to work, this 30-60 second ad could take 6 hours to produce.
So there you have it…That’s my day.
And Now… Coded Campaign Messages That on the Surface Seem Like Everyday Conversation Relevant to Where My Operatives Work:
To my staff in Florida: Retired East Coast Jews are coming there to die; have their minute steak dinners ready by 4 P.M. Got that?
To my operatives in Arkansas: Bubba fried the squirrel, and then nailed his sister. I repeat…Bubba fried the squirrel, and then nailed his sister.
Have a Happy Hump Day all. Cheers!!
NOTE: If you get the chance, check out Mo’s BlogTalk Radio Show tonight at 7 EST. Mo will be discussing Online Dating. For details, click HERE.
56 comments:
"It's the end of the world as we know it, it's the end of the world as we know it..."
Songbird: That could be the campaign theme song for either Romney, McCain, or Giuliani. Cheers!!
As a dedicated supporter and Chief Of Staff For Campaign Endorsements (hey I appointed myself dickhead, suck it up), I would love to work with you on your campaign videos, but alas it will be another few weeks before that is possible...but when the new machine comes in, I will let you know and we will whip up the campaign video to end all campaign videos...
Now I must go and beat the crap - um I mean try and convince some Thompson supporters to throw their endorsements your way...
Unfortunately (or is that fortunately?) I've gotten pretty good at faking enthusiastic interest.
The lion is out of the cage munching on vistiors...I repeat...The lion is out of the cage munching on visitors!
Bond: Thanks. Good luck trying to find Thompson supporters. You might have a better chance finding a leprachaun. Cheers!!
Dana: HA...I am certain that you are not alone in that. Cheers!!
Roger: You must be in San Francisco today, eh? Cheers!!
I am at the zoo lol!
Roger: Visiting relatives? Cheers!!
my head is so stuffed up that I don't understand a word I just read.... will you draw me pictures?
oh, and send painkillers?
How dare you slam my relatives! They cant help there in a zoo! Have a great day Matt & cheers!!
Leighann: Will do, after all, free drugs (both therapeutic and recreational) is in my proposed Health Care plan. Cheers!!
Roger: Roll On, Roger. Cheers!!
"And I feel fine!"
Dang it, Desert got that stuck in my head. Fortunately I have The Best of REM - The IRS Years right here on my office PC. Happy Days!
You of course have my full support and undying loyalty (The posting to St. James is in the bag, right?)
For the sake of space, you might consider the synonym for "Coded Campaign Messages That on the Surface Seem Like Everyday Conversation Relevant to Where My Operatives Work."
TROLL
They are no longer hiding under bridges anymore.
Ooo ooo, can I get a coded message too? I know I can't vote, but I know lots of American Bankers who's vote can be bought with the appropriate financial concessions!
I WILL be sitting on the edge of my seat awaiting updates. Just let me pee and get snacks so I can stay put!
Starr: There are far worse songs to have stuck in one's head. Cheers!!
Jamie: In da bag Jamie, in da bag. Not under bridges anymore, eh? Must have been pushed out by vets moving in. BTW. Thanks for the shout out on CQ. Very Cool. Cheers!!
Boy: If I can slip it past British intel, I'll send one through. Cheers my good man!!
Hire me as your editor! I can make your movie in a timely fashion! I cost a lot though - can ya afford me Matt-Man???
:)
Hope you're having a terrific day!
Metalmom: If you have any Pringles on hand, save me some. Cheers!!
Deb: Thanks...After you film my commercial, can we make a more personal video. I mean just for memories sake? I hope you are feeling better. Cheers!!
Two words to solve all of your media problems; Flip Video.
Has a built in microphone, zoom lens and comes ready fit to hook right into the computer for easy editing.
And it is smaller than a pack of smokes...
Cheap and affordable too, just like I like my women.
Dirkstar: Thanks for the tip. I'll look into it. That zoom lens will come in handy if I choose to do a porn video. I need all the "zoom" I can get. Cheers!!
Ohhh, I can't wait to see the campaign promo. You must make sure to send it the news stations here up north!
I haven't heard from Jenna about being on her cabinet. Should I be worried?
Raven: I have three outlets on my list that are up by you. Cheers Buddy!!
Real: I'll remind her about it again, once she wakes up and I serve her her brunch. Cheers!!
I could do one of my Larry King interviews featuring you...LOL.
108: HA!! Great Idea. That one you did a little while back was pretty damnn good. Cheers!!
i'm pretty sure you should do your ad pantsless. just a helpful hint.
Tequila: Not a bad idea. I would certainly capture the sympathy vote. Cheers!!
Don't fall off your bandwagon, yes, it's a visit AND a comment from me....
Thanks for the mention of the Mo Show, and best of luck with your press release!
wow, you have a plan and you're sticking to it! and I am always ready to jump on your, er, bandwagon! just say the word.
Mo: Uh-Huh? Sucking up for a cabinet position aren't ya? Have a good show Mo-Man. Cheers!!
Lisa: "Word"...Cheers!!
I see you are running your campaign just like all the others are. Bwahahahahah. Matt-Man ROCKS. Have a great day. :)
Sandee: One major exception...I actually say what is on my mind. Cheers!!
you totally have my vote. let me know if you need a cheesy assistant or anything.
and... do you get something special from Mo? Just curious.. ;-)
If you need a North Carolina campaign chair just holla at me... Of course since we don't hold our primary until May nad we really don't matter in the grand scheme of the nomination process then you will probably pass us up like the rest of the candidates... But the offer still stands.
Jahooni: Always in the need of a good assistant. (The new pic is adorable, btw) No, I give the Mo-Man a shout out because I am just a sweet, giving person...Really. Cheers!!
Doc: You are hired. And I won't pass up North Carolina, there's too much good beach, and good food down there. Cheers!!
Are minute steaks kosher?
Why thank you Matt-Man. I took the picture in my office ((see all the paperwork in the back ground??)) showing you just how "assistant" like I am!!! ;-)
Who have you selected to run as your vice prez?
VE: But of course, unless they're pork steaks. Nothing like a piece of fattened calf with a schtickle of herb butter. Cheers!!
Jahooni: I'm sure you assist very well. Good luck with your upcoming test. Cheers!!
Jeff: Why? Just who did you have in mind mister? A west coaster perhaps? Cheers!!
The Coded Campaign Messages That on the Surface Seem Like Everyday Conversation Relevant to Where Your Operatives Work for my part of the world are missing ;)
Hope you don´t mind I posted... *uhm* forget about that. Oooooh, the scandal...
It would be a hell of a campaign for sure.
If one of the qualifications is looking good in silk panties I'm affraid I'd be disqualified though.
Sanni: You should comment more often. I'll send yo ua coded message thru Chancellor Merkel. Cheers!!
Jeff: Not a qualification. For Godssakes you saw me in them. Cheers!!
So how is the fundraising going?
Sparky: Top Notch...I think we are up to $4.73. I'm hyped up dude. Cheers!!
Well it appears that the campaign doors are back open... you know I couldn't have kept them closed for long... I still lurves ya.. ;-)
You know we may be able to sway Fred Thompson votes... he is a fellow Tennessean you know...
VINNY... I WILL NEED SOME HELP FROM YOU!!!!
SMOOCHES
Harumph! I have enthusiastic interest and it is NOT faked.
Dixie: Why Thanks. Yeah you and Vinny work on the Thompsonites and I'll be down soon with some booze. Cheers!!
Travis: You are always so kind. Cheers Trav!!
I am so pleased with the coverage on all of the Presidential campaigns that I decided to write a blog article about it.
Jamie: Will be right over!! Cheers!!
Matt - would just like to say
*phone rings* hold on, let me get that. Matt-Man's Canadian Campaign Headquarters for those wanting Dual Citizenship so they might legally worship at the Bagwine House (not the White House) how may I help you?
Uh huh - uh huh - UH .... HUH, ok. Well, make sure he gets a good lawyer.
*hangs up*
Matt - that was the Arkansas office - they say Bubba wasn't the one who nailed his sister last night, but he did nail the squirrel and somehow landed in the hoosegow for indecent exposure...something about asking women to pet his fuzzy tail....
Anyway, he needs a lawyer...
Angell: Ha. Very good. Tell the boy I'll be sending him counsel, and not to worry. The Arkansas public is very symapthetic to Squirrel Fuckers. Cheers!!
Brief and unfunny, huh?
Then why am I laughing?
Nick: Ha...Thanks Sir. Cheers!!
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