Monday, January 07, 2008

I'm Ready For My Close-Up Mr. DeMille

I have a ton o' schtuff to do today so this post will be brief. I have songs to write, links to add, and best of all, guess what...?

I met some hot chick online last night and we chatted on Yahoo IM for several hours. She's smart, funny, sexy, but she claims she's only 14. I'm not buying that. I know damn well, she's really a 36 year old cop.

Sure it would still be illegal to schedule a meet up for sex with her, but I have been trying to get on TV for years. If my TV debut is on MSNBC's To Catch A Predator so be it.

"Chris Hansen? Zoom in on me buddy; I'm Matt-Man, Bitch!!"

Well, I am off to run an errand and then coming back home to chat it up with LilHotStuff93. Until the next time...

Cheers!!

33 comments:

DocMtCat said...

Matt - If you really want to make sure that you get on TV then make sure that after Chris Hansen tells you that you are free to go then RUN and try and escape the cops that are waiting outside...

Post THAT on you tube ! LOL!


-Doc

Schmoop said...

Doc: The most amazing thing about that video would be the fact that I could actually run. Cheers!!

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

BTW Chris Hanson scares the crap out of me...I mean look at him..if he does not dream about underage sex kittens at night I am amazed...his eyes tell it all

RW said...

Matt lol! That's the wrong way to get on TV! Didn't I see Mit Romney on that?

Schmoop said...

Bond: The Visualization Technique...Interesting, would it hold up in court? And Hansen, I agree. Put a clown nose on him and I'm seeing John Wayne Gacy. Cheers!!

Roger: No you didn't see Mitt on that show, you saw him on "The Biggest Loser" or was it "Wife Swap"? Cheers!!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Don't forget the beer and condoms!

the Book of Keira said...

That defense could actually probably work...lol.

"Were you aware that she was only 14?"

"Uh, no. I assumed she was someone who worked for Chis Hansen, well over the legal age limit...."

I wonder how a jury would react to that.

Jay said...

That's an excellent plan to get yourself on TV. And it's much more likely to be successful than your attempts to get on COPS.

Schmoop said...

Real: Beer, yes. Condoms, no. It's gotta be raw or not at all. Cheers!!

108: Ha...When you put it that way, it might just work. Cheers!!

Jay: I kept taking meth in an attempt to get on COPS, but instead of robbing a convenient store while high, I just ended up at Mickey D's ordering Big Macs. Cheers!!

Odat said...

Who needs TV when you've got You Tube and you're already a star there!!!

Peace

Schmoop said...

Odat: Not yet. While the Anti-Huckabee Christmas message has been viewed nearly 3,000 times the others haven't been quite as successful. Cheers!!

The Boy said...

Nah, stick to the line that you believe she's really a 36 year old cop and you were trying to entrap her entrapping you. Or is that you entrapping her entrapping... Oh, I'm getting myself confused now.

Lets move on...

Schmoop said...

I would be entrapping her unless of course she pulled the double switcheroo and she really is a 14 year old, in which case, she's probably a resident of West Virginia, and is not attracted to any of her brothers. Cheers!!

DocMtCat said...

Oooh Oooh don't forget to bring the Mike's Hard Lemonade... thats such a nice touch.

-Doc

Schmoop said...

Doc: If I'm going down (both sexually and legally) I am bringing Wild Irish Rose with me. Ahhh, Behold the power of Bagwine. Cheers!!

Marilyn said...

Good luck with that. Let us know when to tune in. Can you blog from prison?

Schmoop said...

Marilyn: Thanks. Hopefully I'll be on in May during sweeps week. Send me a cake and instead of a file in it put a laptop. I'll blog about all of my cell rapings. Cheers!!

Leighann said...

Call me crazy but Chris Hansen is HOT!

How about a little Matt-Man/Hansen sammich?

Desert Songbird said...

I arrive late, only to find what? That you've found yourself another online hootchie. You two-timing, lying, sonofabitch.

Hmpf.

Schmoop said...

Leighann: Butter me up and throw me in the skillet, this sandwich is gonna be HAWT!! Cheers!!

Songbird: See how I am. I have always been a sucker for perky, nubile boobies. Cheers!!

Desert Songbird said...

Well, then, I'll never be able to compete. My boobies have never been perky. Ever.

Schmoop said...

Songbird: That's okay, neither have mine. Cheers!!

You can Call me AL said...

Matt-Man have you thought this plan out completely? You get on T.V. then go to prison. Have you thought about BUBA and your anus?

Schmoop said...

Al: I guess becoming famous may be a HARD road to Ho'. Cheers!!

Julie said...

**quickly changes chat name to lilhotstuff93**

Ya ready?

Bwahahahahahaha!!

Schmoop said...

Julie: Ha...Very Good. Cheers!!

katherine. said...

I think I would be good at working for dateline as someone pretending to be the 14 year old....

Schmoop said...

Kat: It would be a blast. I would also like to be an investigator for Worker's Comp, and videotape people who "can't work" due to injury painting their houses. Cheers!!

Cheesy said...

Chris Hansen is just on a fact finding mission for his own online dating... I am convinced!

I for one will miss you while you are in jail... but save some of that sweet skin for me and a conjugal visit..

Jeff B said...

Swing low, sweet cherry-iot.

Comming for to carry me home.

Schmoop said...

Cheesy: Oooooooo prison sex. How sexy. Cheers!!

Jeff: Please...Sing again never. Cheers!!

katherine. said...

a jeff and matt duet....

*shudder*

Schmoop said...

Kat: That is a bit disturbing isn't it? Cheers!!