As you may know, I am putting Stream of Consciousness Friiiiday on hiatus from time to time during the Presidential Campaign season. I am doing this so that I may take the time to answer your questions… questions as to where I stand on the issues that are most important to you.
I have received many thoughtful and insightfully probing queries from you all so far, and I will get to them all as quickly as possible.
Let’s begin with one that thus far, has been one of the most deeply probing questions to date:
Dana of Amid Life’s Crises asks:
“…you might or might not be aware that Alabama has outlawed the sale of adult sex toys. As this is an ever-important woman's issue, I'd like to know what you plan to do to rectify this situation.”
Highly probing indeed, Dana. Let me first say, that I am not one to arbitrarily and capriciously decree Federal edicts upon our 50 statutory entities. Howev
er, this issue demands a strong and declarative Executive stance.The sale and unobstructed use of Adult Sex Toys is imperative to the well being and happiness of our citizens.
I feel strongly that not only should there be a chicken in every pot, but also a sleek, soft, ergonomically designed Ballistic Bullet in the underwear drawer of every woman.
Every man should be free to release his pent up frustrations and desires by purchasing and buttering the plastic, air filled muffin of Lil’ Ho Peep and Her Sheep.
This may offend certain Alabamans and other Bible Belt state dwellers, b
ut consider this...Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, crossed paths and dealt with many a lonely shepherd who undoubtedly engaged in such activities.
So, there is no sin in a little plastic, ovine, baaaackdoor visitation in the eyes of the Lord. Amen, and pass me the air compressor.
Marilyn, of More Random Than Average asked about a more true to life scenario.
She wants to know:
What is your stance on beastiality?
I say this...while personally against this practice, if a man has a the hots for Elsie the Cow, and the sex is consensual, let them enjoy as they want.
I would put one caveat on this. If a guy decides he wants to engage in a hot roll in the hay with said cow, he really should take her out to dinner afterwards.
Provided, of course, that she is not the main course. I mean, having sex with a cow is one thing, but making a big, tasty, pot of Chili con Carnal out of her afterwards, is just plain creepy.
So there you have it Bagwine Readers…Two questions and stances down, and plenty more to go. Send me any other questions that you may have through my email or the comment box.
Enjoy your Friday, and your Super Bowl Weekend. I’ll be back here tomorrow with the winner of the Bagwine “Comment of the Week”. Until then…
Cheers!!
60 comments:
I'm sure the state of Alabama thanks you! As much as I believe in less Federal Government and more options at the state level, something *must* be done about Alabama!
Dana: As I said, some issues cannot be left up to those at the State Level...especially when it involves getting one's freak on. Cheers!!
Have you heard this story? They're trying to pass a bill now that allows politicians to insist that they be addressed by gender- neutral titles. Is that really necessary? I mean, don't we already have gender neutral titles for politicians? 'Crook,' 'liar,' 'adulterer,' 'pinhead,' 'moron,' these are all gender-neutral.,,,,baaaaaaaaaaaaa
[sorry it's Friday.. I'm used to the "stream"~~
Some of the people that I know would say that Hillary is gender neutral. Ba dump bump. Outrageous Cheesy!! Cheers my friend!!
Wow good issues! How would you feel about making marriage a 5 year contract at the end of 5 years you have the option to renew the account if both party's agree or go your separate ways, without the ugliness of divorce in a more civil manor.
Roger: Very Good. I'll add that to my list of political ruminations.
I am interested about something though Roger, do you bring this thing up because you are interested in switching teams? Cheers!!
No I been divorced before & I think a 5 year contract would have been a great thing! Or a 3 years contract!!
Roger: I'll definitely ponder it. Preferably while drinking. Cheers!!
Alabama is not alone in their outlawing of sex toys. Mississippi has the same law. Eventually that law will be passed by a number of states I'm sure.
Ever notice how these laws are being passed by old white men who can't get it up anymore,even with the help of Viagra?
I have a question too.
Since we all agree that the federal government SHOULD protect everyones right to be kinky and have access to sex toys, don't you also believe that federal statute should outlaw these ridiculous laws requiring dancers to stay 6 feet away from customers in strip clubs? Seriously, the the feds are going to protect women's right to by a dildo, then they should protect my right to a full contact lap dance. It's only fair. Don't you agree?
Chili con Carnal......hahahahaha.
Peace
You got my vote!!!
Now where's my bullet??
Ahh the South. In Georgia it is illegal to masterbate in front of your spouse. YOUR SPOUSE for God's sake. And sex toys have to be sold as "Adult Novelty Items" which is about as silly as calling a bong "Functional Art Glass."
I can take great personal pride in having broken virtually every Georgia Blue Law on the books ;)
Since I happen to sell sex toys for a living (shameless plug) I'm all for making a "Sex Toy Appreciation Day" or.... month. Where do you stand on that?
Jay: I can't believe that about Mississippi. They always struck me as a state on the cutting edge.
We have that same stupid 6' barrier law in Ohio. That rule will be so gone in my administration. Cheers!!
Odat: Ha, Thank You. I liked that as well. Cheers!!
Metalmom: I'll bring one right over for you, and help you get started with it. Cheers!!
Starr: Just another reason not to get married. Make sure you change things down there when you go. Cheers!!
Leighann: I will decree May as "Good Vibrations Month" and the 19th of that month as "Dildo Day in America". Cheers!!
Nail the bitch and then eat her too? What's wrong with that? Bwahahahahahaha. Love it Matt-Man. Have a great day. :)
Sandee: Not a bad idea but I think the eating should come first...and so should she, by the way. Just a code I live by. ; ) Cheers!!
Then that's a very good code by which to live. Do you dine out on occasion?
Songbird: If by "dining out", you mean public displays of hot, wet, wantoness, yes. In fact, I encourage it. Cheers Darlin'!!
So not only are you endorsing gay marriages, but you're also giving those same rights to bestiality marriages too!
I've been known to date a few bitches in my time. ;)
What is that device anyway? It looks so, umm, ....'unworkable'....
?
It's a purdy' culla though!
Deb: Gay marriage yes. Beastiality marriages, no. I wouldn't subject our animal population to such an oft times cruel endeavour.
It's callesd a Ballistic Bullet, and I guess it never misses the mark, or in this case, the spot, so to speak. Cheers!!
not meaning to expose any "dark teamster secrets"....
but i have issues with today's posting. It states the Balitstic bullet is only for women and little bo peep is only for men. what happened to equal rights (usage) for everyone.
we're voting on our current 5 year national master freight agreement....
roger needs to be careful committing to a contract. remember....management (women) are usually smarter than men....at least on the west coast. and management (women) who aren't are usually "faking" it...
Well Mr Prez hopeful, it is becoming more and more clear that you are indeed a worthy candiate, full of the substance which makes America happy, and, I mean that in the best of ways... Not only that, you reach out to America by way of offering hopeful solutions, even if it involves personal interaction, which makes it clear that you are willing to step up to the plate despite pressure from the House or Senate, both of whom we know operate against their own desires and thoughts, know what I mean? And, you are right about Clinton she is gender neutral... to sum up, you are the ballistic bullet of America, you are the 'good' vibration which Americans have been imagining, and, you are the mouth to tame the South, so to speak... Well done~ You have gained more ground in weeks than your contenders have in decades~~~
Teamster: Just don't share the secret hand shake. Oh wait, that's the Masons Union. Ha, I crack myself up.
If you want to use a Ballistic Bullet for your own pleasure feel free. But as far as women using Lil Ho Peep that may be a little difficult.
Good luck with the contract. Just like in entering a marital agreement, beware of Management Rights and Operational Need clauses. Cheers!!
chilli con carnal! LOL, excellent Matt-Man.
note to self: start Christmas list
1. disco ball
2. pretty pink bullet
Lyn: Why thank you, and you really must join my communications team.
Donning me the, "Mouth of the South" and "The Ballistic Bullet of America?" Pure Genius. Cheers Lyn!!
Lisa: Ha...Thanks. Oooooo a Ballistic Bullet AND a Disco Ball!? You will be lookin' sparkly as you get your groove thing on. Merry Christmas to America. Cheers Lisa!!
no....not me using the bullet...a friend..
and the secret handshake...ever since "the code" was shattered, life has drastically changed...
is your campaign tour going to take a west coast swing?
Um...no, not quite what I had in mind, but I like your interpretation, too.
Chili Con Carnal will that be something we find at the Inaugural Meal???? And are we all invited, and will the gift basket contain my ergonomic bullet?????
These things I must know.
I need to find me a better sex shop.
My dildos applaud you!
I say practice civil disobedience if you have to...not only did i buy a sex toy in Alabama I then transported it across state lines!!
I enjoy being a scofflaw!
I'm sorry, to be truly ineffective in today's political world, we're going to have to enroll you in Vague Responses 101, 102, and 103. You are obviously too direct and it will confuse many people and others will simply explode.
ps - That cow sex/chilli thing...no wonder you're not eating meat now!
Teamster: A friend? uh-huh. It's okay, be a man about it, afterall, you're a Teamster dammit. Cheers!!
Songbird: I know how to push the love button of the masses. Cheers!!
Mama: A Ballistic Bullet in each gift basket? That's a very nice touch. Can you find us a good caterer as well. Cheers!!
108: If I can make a dildo applaud, my day is complete. Thank You. Cheers!!
TB: Well I want to be there for your hearing if you get arrested and go to trial. I would love to see you demonstrate the evidence in question in the court room. Cheers Hot Stuff!!
VE: Are you saying unabashed honesty is a negative when running for office? I am SHOCKED!! Yeah, cum filled chili is a bit of a turn-off. Cheers!!
Lmao, your blog is great! I'd vote for you in a heartbeat. ; )
Scarlett: Why thank you very much, and thanks for stopping by. Don't be a stranger. Have a great weekend Scarlett and Cheers!!
mmm sex toys. i'm going to the porno shop today! thanks for the helpful hints
Tequila: I am here to help. Take pictures if you think it about. Pleeeease? Cheers, have a good weekend, and enjoy the new digs!!
No need for sex toys here...I believe Matt Man has that area "covered". Luuuvvs!!
Schmoop: I love your brutal honesty. No to mention the bite marks you always leave on my chest. Oh wait, I guess I did just mention them. Mmmmmwha!!
Chili con Carnal will be one for the history books,baby!! I've missed you. I'm so outta da loop. It's gonna take me days to catch up. lol
Allie: Why thank ya. Your presence has sorely been missed.
Catch up on things and get back into the loop. But then again, I understand why. Chers My Friend!!
I am TOTALLY with ROGER with a 5 year contract on marriage. I am coming up on my 10 year in a little less than 4 months and I want to reconsider my options and read again the provisions in my marriage policy. Or I want my money back.
Oh, so May 19th is Dildo Appreciation Day?? gosh, I appriciate all of mine every day! ;-) But I will be sure to hang my Dildo Flag with pride that day.
As for the Beastiality, that just makes me want to hurl. Bending over the trash can now...
Cheers to you too!
Jahooni: The contract can be exteneded and so can your immunity against cow sex.
Just picture a pasture alive with the cows of Mooosic. Free to live their lives as they want. Yeah, I'm drunk. Cheers!!
Since wer're on the subject of beastiality, What do you propose to do about Rosie O'Donnel once elected?
Out of curiosity...where is the link to that neat little pink thing? I want one...looks like loads of fun! ; )
lol chili con carnal
the teamster seems to have a great many friends....
personally...the Ballistic Bullet has nothing on the one with wireless remote....
(all women are smarter...not just on the west coast....)
I find it interesting that you gravitated to cows during your comments about beastiality when it is normally sheep that are the main focus of that geoup. It makes me wonder if you are a closet Hindu.
Hammer: I have my moments. Cheers!!
Kat: Promises are always stronger than antything manufactured. And I think the Teamster knows what I mean. Cheers!!
Raven: Hindu my ass, Im an Ohioan. Cows rule!! Cheers!!
I appreciate a candidate who isn't afraid to make his stance known regarding controversial issues.
You can’t campaign using a stream of consciousness? I am so disappointed!
You have me laughing. I'll pass on the chili thank you :) HE HE HA HA
Travis: Thank you. If have done have the courage to do so how can the people respect me? Cheers!!
Nick: A SOC campaign wpould undermine antone. Can you imagine what goes through the minds of those politicians. Cheers!!
Sindi: Thanks for stopping again. And yes, I'll join you in passin gon the chili as well. Cheers!!
Enough to make me want to naturalize...
Um.. checks date..
I believe it's someone's birthday....
:)
Thanks for having my blog in your Entrecard today!
Oh, and where do I get me one of them blow-em-up sheep?
Anndi: Whose? Cheers!!
Mo: You're welcome my friend. I have already sent you one. Baaaaaaa. Cheers!!
SO a blow-up cow in every pot then?
Bond: That would be very moooooving. Cheers!!
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