Yesterday…Two people grew up.My 13 year old son…and me.
I went over to his house to spend some time with him for Father’s Day because today he leaves for Basketball Camp.
He was so bright eyed and excited when I got there.
He had had his Mom buy three pairs of shorts for me that matched three pair that he had.
My son has had some problems of late. Among a few other things, his grades really fell off the last quarter.
He had already gotten a butt chewing over this, but he got it again yesterday…Why?
Because his Mom can’t let things go. She has to harp on things…Instill guilt…Justify her existence. Trust me, I know.
Well, words ensued, because of course, she ended up making the grade issue all about her, as she has with so many other things in the past.
But, for once, in our twenty year history, when she yelled at me for being an uncaring father and a lousy man, I stood up to her.
This guy, who has been guilt ridden for years for walking away, told her everything she needed, and of course, didn’t want to hear.
I have NEVER uttered a bad word about Ryno’s mom in front of him, but yesterday, she pushed the limits in attacking me, and I responded.
While I am sorry, and I apologized to Ryno for yelling, I am not sorry for a damn thing that I said to her. And everything said, was heard by this sweet, little boy.
Am I sorry he heard what was said? Yes, but only because of the manner in which he heard it. I am glad that he heard what was said, and by whom.
Because, let me tell ya folks, she let her own words paint her self-portrait. Wow, move over Dorian Gray!!
I am very confident that his bright little mind digested the differences between his mom and I, in manner, tone, and context.
At one point, he told Mom, to quit reliving everything , because it does nobody any good. I cried, because, it was like listening to myself. The boy is wise.
I have many faults…I mean, just ask Schmoop…but Schmoop will also tell you that I admit them, freely. Ryno’s mom has no faults. Just ask her.
She will also, say that our failure in marriage was entirely MY fault.
More times than not, if a person ever tells you that their marriage failed all because of the other person in the relationship…
They are either bat-shit crazy, or delusional…
While he still loves his Mom with all of his heart (as it should be), I think yesterday, my son found that out.
It has been a painful and tearful Father’s Day weekend for me, but in some aspects, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Amen, and Amen...
I am working 11-7 today, serving beer to all of those fathers who are hiding from their wives.
So, I’ll see ya all tomorrow, and to my Dad who has long since passed on, Ryno and I love ya, buddy.
And now, to lighten the mood….Our Sunday Serenade.
Once again, from his second book, “Credo”, a light hearted look at love by my dad…
CONTRAST
In his Brooks Bros. suit and Florsheim shoes,
He speaks of love so ardently.
But she flaunts her jeans and her gingham smile,
And speaks of love so casually.
He thinks of martinis and filet mignon,
And speaks of love so seriously.
But she serves him pizza and Diet-Rite Cola,
And speaks of love so casually.
Cheers!!
38 comments:
You, from all I have 'seen', are an awesome dad Matt - and sometimes, you just have to say what needs to be said. Not only for YOU, but for Ryno as well - if you let too much go, you lose respect. I'm sure he is old enough to realize who you are, and who his mom is...and while he loves you both, he needs to be able to respect you as well - and sometimes that means sticking up for yourself.
Happy Father's Day...to you, and to your dad, and all of you dads that read this.
I go out of my way not to say anything bad about Jasmine's father too... but kids are way smarter than we give them credit and just recently she confided to me that he talks about me all the time and it's obvious that none of it's true. I didn't press her for the specifics but I can imagine what they are. Divorce is so hard on the kids.
You are all the time doing things like picking up ice cream for her on the way home from an outing... really, that's way above and beyond. I'd just bet that hearing a little of the other side of things is good for Ryno.
Happy Father's Day.
You've taught your son to have a good head as well as a soft heart. He's very bright; he's probably always known the truth, but now it's out in the open.
You're a great dad, Matt, and don't ever forget that. Ryno knows it.
Oh god sweetie how awful. I'm glad you stood up to her but I know it killed you to do it in front of Ryno.
Please have a good day.
You are from everything I've seen a good father. You are from everything I know a good friend.
Smooch
Simply from the way you talk about your son on here I can tell as can everyone else what a good father you are.
I know it sucks to have to say and do those kinds of things in front of Ryno but I do think it was important for him to see it. Maybe even one day he'll relate this story to future generations with much pride!
Good for you. Good for Ryno.
I can't imagine he heard anything that he already hadn't figured out for himself.
Couldn't get anything past me at that age, I knew damn near everthing.
Have a great dads day.
I'm not a dad.[as far as "I" know]
Happy Dad's Day Matt!
I love your Dad's poem!!!!
Peace
Happy Father's Day, Matt. Divorce sucks for the kids caught in the wake. As I have often told one of my sister's (whose X happens to be the biggest loser ever) it's not necessary to explain to the kids the kind of man their father is; they have eyes and ears - he's showing them all by himself. Oh, and is he ever! And the kids have already figured it out for themselves. I feel so bad for them.
LOVE your Dad's poem! He sounds like a true romantic!
I also couldn't agree more with you about Tim Russert. There's gonna be a huge whole in politics and news. I will miss him terribly.
Hey Matt,
All of us divorced parents know the golden rule: don't lose it in front of them... But you know... we are all only human... and we can only be pushed thát far...
I lost my shit this very same week, last Tuesday and actually am writing a post about it myself.
It happens... and your boy is old enough, by the sounds of it, to realize why this happened. And you are undoudbtedly a great dad. Sure, we all have our flaws... but again, that is only human too...
Big Huge DutchyHug!!!
There comes a time when kids "get" it, and usually it's not a beautiful moment, but something much like you experienced with Ryno yesterday. Chances are, he knew his mom's faults all along, but like you has tried to keep the peace. Sometimes, standing up to the nonsense, no matter how ugly, results in the greatest rewards.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!
I twisted myself inside out for years to give my son an illusion of a Dad - he seemed to need it.
Only to learn so long later that had I told the truth he would have felt more comfortable in his own skin.
Kids, especially Ryno, are smart and insightful and what we leave unsaid usually does more damage than whatever comes out.
It happened because it needed to happen and I bet Ryno is relieved. Telling his Mom to stop reliving things is a sure sign of his maturity - although he looks so young in that photo.
Car vlog Ryno looked older.
Both Rynos look smart and compassionate and pretty well bolted right.
You're a good soul matt-man and good souls make awesome parents.
Children don't want perfection - they want real.
Hugs sweetie.
I'm very sorry that you have a bat-shit crazy, delusional psycho hose beast for an ex. I think she may be my mother....
You're a wonderful father Matty, enjoy your day!
You guys rock, and I'm thankful you hang around and drop by.
You are making my head swell, and for once it's the one on top of my neck.
Off to work, now. Cheers and Thanks guys!!
Happy Papas day my friend... I knew Ryno was growing up but ^5 to Matt for growing up too! I am so proud of you...I know it was hard to lose it like that but you may have done a grand service to your son...You are human despite WHAT you try and tell us... and we all love you. Hugs baby boy!
Matt allow me to be the practical voice of reason for ya vis a vis my daughter. I do my best to maintain a good relationship with my daughter's dad. Hell we can have email convo's back and forth over music, politics, whatnot and I really enjoy them. He's a bright man and quite witty.
He's also a narcasisst who is never wrong and has massive mommy issues. And when he acts like a an asshat I call him one. And here is kidlets take on it. "I live with him and I know just what he is like. If you didn't call him an asshat I't think YOU were stupid."
It's a valuable lesson to learn early in life that while we love our family, we don't have to like them. Kills the guilt trips at a very early age.
I am going to face this I am never going to be worthy of a C.O.W. so I am going to stick to being me babe.
Happy Father's Day!
Life is bittersweet at times, but you need that to appreciate all of the other times too.
It has been a rough week for my father with me having surgery, hurts him more than anything to see me sick and hurt.
Being a father is not easy, I think any dad will tell you that love, just do the best you can.
I love your father's writing btw, he was very insightful.
My brother...I have also had this discussion recently with my Matt..and he said things that let me know he sees all and knows things I did not think he did.
It is so very difficult to keep our kids away from the problems that caused our marriages to crumble...
What we hoe is that they see the two sides even when they only live with one parent.
Your dad obviously did a wonderful job raising his children, instilling honesty and class.
You are a great father..instilling honesty and class in Ryno
Ryno will carry on that legacy...it is inevitable
That is the message for today. Happy Father's Day Sir.
Happy Fathers Day Matt-Man!
I remember the day of enlighting about my parents, sad part they both were a complete mess. They both had some good qualities mixed in with all the B.S. and it took some looking to see it.
To help keep me grounded in honoring my parents, I always remind myself that they wiped my ass when I couldn't.
I have to be careful with any advise on this subject because I haven't lived through a divorce in my life. I can only imagine what a struggle it must be to balance your emotions. Sorry you had to have this confrontation, especially given it's fathers day, but as you eluded to showed Ryno that being a man sometimes means you have to make the diffucult decisions, as in taking a stand even when it's not comfortable.
Oh, Dearheart, what a difficult time you've had. I give you so much credit, however, for standing up for yourself. Not having children of my own, it's not possible to empathize; however, I WAS thirteen once, and children are very aware of what is going on.
I think you gave yourself and Ryno a gift by saying what needed to be said in his presence.
Another lovely poem by your father. Thank you so much for sharing those with us. (Is Diet-Rite Cola even available anymore?)
Happy Father's Day, Matt. It is evident in every word that you write that you love your son - you deserve a special day. Looking forward to seeing your new shorts (LOL).
Happy very very heartfelt Father's Day (((to U)))!! U are truly a great dad, undoubtedly! It's obvious how much U luv Ryno & loved your Dad. *Cheers* to U Matt*Man ~
You know, our kids learn about life and respect when they see how we deal with confrontations. Ryno has seen you walk away and he's seen you stand up for yourself. At 13, he has a mind of his own already. He can sort the wheat from the chaff. I'm positive that no matter how bad you feel for standing up for yourself in front of him, he's learned a lot of positive things from being exposed to how you have chosen to deal with his mother... in the past as well as today. Happy Father's Day, Matt!
A lot of stuff goes into being a father. My first 10 years of life were spent with a man who couldn't bring any of that stuff. Then the last 20 or so years of my life have been spent knowing a man who brought all of the stuff.
I never wanted to have that responsibility.
I commend you for sticking with it and for being there for your boy. It's not an easy thing to do, especially when he's the only common ground between you and your ex. Congratulations for standing up for yourself.
Ryno is a lucky kid.
Kids today are smarter than we give them credit for. Ryno knows who you "are" and will learn even more as he grows up. You may doubt your ability to be a good father, but I think you have passed into the realm of "great father"
Your bonds grew tighter this weekend.
Happy Pappy Day Matt!
I'm so sorry for what you went thru yesterday. I know I've been around for more of the same. You are a great father. That is one of the many things that attracted me to you. I hope thru our talk, that you feel better about things, and I love you more than anything. Happy Father's Day baby.
Sorry you and Ryno had to go through that, but sometimes you just have to stand your ground and not let people get away with things. I'm sure Ryno understands that too!
What a day!
Who the hell are you Matt-Man, that here 6 in the evening you have somehow brought out for the third time today my gut emotions, leaking eyeballs?
First, Tim Russert was heavy on my mind this Sunday morning. Then I read your Sunday Disservice,and new that you, no doubt, were having a very tough time for your Fathers Day weekend.
I got past that, till Meet The Press. Then I had a few leaks!
OK, so my day hadn't got past Tim Russert by the afternoon and while flicking the remote I found a movie I hadn't seen, "Bobby" [Robert F. Kennedy]
Well, the ending of that movie melted me even further than the morning, so that brought on some more "leakage."
Now I come back to visit you [cyberspace Matt-Man?]and read through the comments that I hadn't read, [you know the routine]all the time wishing I could get out what I really wanted to say through my fingertips [just two, and a thumb] like lots of your visiters to Bagwine.
Well, after reading your ladys [Shmoop] comment to you via cyberspace, damnit all, got me leaking a little more!!!
I'm not sure why or how, but I know I'm on your side!
P.S. Took me a half hour to get this posted. What a pain in the ass you are!!!
Matt-Man I agree with Micky-T, I don't think Ryno heard anything he hasn't already figured out for himself. He spends time with you and the she devil. I am not speaking poorly of Ryno's Mother, I am speaking poorly of your ex or is that truthfully. Happy Fathers Day Matty, if I may :) How could you not be a great Dad when you can hear the love when ever you speak of your Son.
Hiya Gang...
Sorry that I wasn't home today because I would have really liked to respond to all of you personally as I usually do.
Thanks for all of the kind words. And just for my own benefit, I want you know that his mom and I faile dbbecaus eof BOTH of us, not just her.
Anyhoo, I hope you enjoy the rest of your Sunday. Ryno is out of town until Thursday ata basketball camp. I'ma glad to see him and mom get away from each other for awhile.
Cheers to all of you, and Thnaks!!
Oh wait, I guess I should give a shout out to Schmoop. Shout Out Schmoop!!
Schmoop rocks =)
Here's hoping your evening has been nicer than yesterday!
Bless his heart. There is not a thing easy about growing up. I'm glad that Ryno has you to help him through it all. He's lucky to have a good Dad.
Take Care Matt.
Jen
Starr: Everything has calmed down. Cheers to ya, buddy!!
Jen: Thank ya much. I do my best. Cheers Jen!!
A belated Happy Father's Day to you Matt-Man. Even if this wasn't the best one ever, at least you've got a wonderful kid to be father to. :)
I understand about not wanting to go off in front of your child. I've battled that demon.
You've done a wonderful job being a role model for your boy. *hugs*
Good on ya, Dad. Good on ya.
Happy Belated Fathers' Day.
Matt, you are a really good guy and a great Dad.
Sending a "Belated Happy Fathers' Day Wish" for you.
Hugs,
Kimmie
Snig: Thanks, and yes I do. Cheers Snig!!
Anndi: You are too kind, Anndi. Cheers ya sexy Canuck!!
Boo: Thanks much. Cheers!!
Kimmie: Thanks much too. Cheers!!
sorry I missed this one in real time....
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