Happy Birthday Ryno!!

Jay and Matt-Man's Saturday edition of the I’m With Stupid radio started out with the intention of having a Self-Pity Party. 

But, circumstances changed and it ended up being most a rather awkward, yet endearing birthday celebration for The Creepy Kid Next Door.

CKND (aka Matt's son Ryno) called in, and as a surprise, Matt-Man had arranged to have a beautiful young lady with the voice of an angel also call in so she could sing “Happy Birthday.” 

It was a very special moment. Even if she is probably STILL shaking her head trying to figure just who the hell they are what that show was all about.

Then her mom called as did Mike AKA: “Mr. Excitement” and they shot the breeze for the rest of the show. So, instead of being depressing, the show will actually put a smile on your face. And when it comes down to it, that's all they want to do.

Hell, I even chimed in and was virtually phone raped...It was HOT!!

Give it a listen:

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Zoooooves,

Schmoop

Fear and Laughing in Bagwine

I hope yesterday’s post gave you all something to think about. It did me. As I re-read it, I cried again.

Quit being assholes. Start being nice. Stand up for each other. Stop tearing everyone down. If you can’t do that, then shut up.

Now, for something completely different…

I know this is going to sound like a shameless post for the I’m With Stupid blog, but I can’t help it.

I was privy, as no one else is, to the prepination of Jay and Matt’s IWS Radio Show that will air at 6:30 PM EDT this Saturday.

Tuesday is the day that the Matt-Man, and the JayMan come up with all of the wonderful, craptastic things they say.

Now…I’m on day two of my “vacation”. Sure, I’m a lazy bitch. Haven’t touched that those damn closets yet, but hey! I did go get coffee yesterday. That’s something, right? Right?

Anyhoodle, the phone call that took place in my living room…well let’s just say, I have not laughed so hard in a long time. Including tears people! Now that is some serious funny shit.

I wish, oh God do I wish, I could reveal to you the dumbfuckery comedic genius that goes into preparing for these shows. Actually these calls should be the show! Unfortunately, I am sworn to secrecy.

No, I really wasn’t, but I’m still hoping to be the babe of the week on IWS. So, I lied about the secrecy thing.

What? I can’t be a babe? Fuck that.

Also, this day rendered another call….a phone call to the Matt-Man’s son, Ryno. This kid really needs to be on the IWS show. Better yet, he needs his own show.

He is the funniest, nicest, and according to him, the sexiest man around. The chicks dig him…so he says.

And listen folks, just like the listening on the phone call between these two nut jobs, don’t give Matt-Man so much grief for talking about his desire to pick up middle school chicks on Facebook…

It’s humor people. You know, fun? Laugh! Really, you’re not going to break your face…probably.

I love to laugh. I thank you Matt, and Jay. I lost my shit today, and that’s just what I needed.

Have a wonderful Hump Day, and…

Zoooooves!!

The Louder You Scream, The More I Learn

So…

I walked into the house that I used to own this past Thursday in order to pick up my 16 year old son Ryno and take him to school.

I enter the house whistling a happy tune, and then…BAM!!

Between Ryno, his Mom’s body language, and lack of sarcasm directed toward me, I could immediately tell that things were not well.

It seems that our son, who has been doing much better academically, had recently fallen off the wagon of paying attention, and again doing what he had done in the past.

I’m down with that.
 
I mean, not down in a sense that that is okay, but rather he’s 16, digs chicks and basketball, and like his dad, has the attention span of…well…somebody’s who name escapes me. Anyhoo…

His mom is being nasty towards him.

He, in all his soon to be 17 year old glory, is holding back his tears, and I, sitting on the couch (of which I got a great deal back in the day) am feeling like B List actor Lloyd Bochner in an episode of the Twilight Zone, saying to myself…

“What the fuck?”

Ryno is a great kid. He’s funny. Respectful (for a 16 year old), and smart. The boy is lazy academically, and always has been until he needs to step it up.

Here’s the thing…

His Mom berates him because he does not get all A’s. She is constantly nagging him for not taking advantage of the private school he goes to…she doesn’t like his “misfit” friends.

First of all…

Much like his Dad, Ryno will never get A’s in Math. He can get perfect scores on English tests, but that matters not.

He has to be first in everything, or…he is last.

I know the feeling. I went through the same thing with her. I was never good enough. Other people had better houses, more money, and more importantly, more status…

What a joke. 

She literally berated me with nailed finger at my nose, pushed me around, and spit in my face. In spite of all the things I did to her, there’s no excuse for that.

 
I left that environment because well, Ryno was young and cried often because we fought. I’ve learned from that. But evidently, she hasn’t…

As he was tearing up on the way to school that day, Ryno said to me...

“Dad, I am never good enough; she yells and gets in my face with her finger and scares me freaking out.”

It has been too late for Ryno’s Mom and I to fix those things for years, but let’s hope she can fix things between her and Ryno before another man, namely Ryno, leaves her life, and she is left alone with her anger and her bigotry.

Her bigotry you ask? The “misfit” friends of Ryno’s who his mom referred to? They go to his private school because they have vouchers.

According to his Mom, they are a bad influence on Ryno, because as we all know, poor kids and kids of color are losers.

Yeah…That’s the kind of social bullshit and racial bigotry crap he lives with, but….He’s already beyond all that, I just wonder if someday soon, he will say...

“Mom, shut the Hell up, and leave my friends alone.”

I’m pretty sure he will, although unlike me, he'll be polite about it.

Cheers!!

Make sure you listen to I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio tonight at 6:30 PM EDT. We are having a Memorial Day Weekend Extravaganza and want you to join in.

You can listen to us by clicking HERE and/or calling in at 661.244.9852

Overheard in Bagwine

Happy Tuesday to you all…How ‘bout we do a little installment that I call, Overheard in Bagwine™, shall we?

We shall…

Sunday morning while Schmoop and I enjoy a post-coital smoke...

Schmoop: Wow…I’m impressed.

Me: With what? My always incredible sexual skills?

Schmoop: No. I’m impressed that I can still get my legs up that high and wide.

Me: Hey-Ooooooooo

Talking to my son Ryno and his Mom on Mother’s Day outside of the Beer Mine…

Mom: See the beautiful bracelet our son bought me?

Me: That’s very nice. That’s very pretty Ryno, good job.

Ryno: You know what isn’t very pretty?

Me: What?

Ryno: YOUR FACE…

Mom: Ryan!!

Ryno and Me: Hee Hee Hee Hee…

At the Beer Mine Monday night, as some underage punk is pleading with me to sell him beer…

Punk: C’mon sell me a Four Loco, man.

Me: I need to see an ID…man.

Punk: You sold one to my friend earlier when I was with him.

Me: I know. Your friend is 21.

Punk: My dad is a cop. You should have carded us both when you sold it to him.

Me: That doesn’t make any sense. If you want one, show me an ID.

Punk: I’m 21.

Me: ID or get lost.

Punk: Here… (shows me his ID)    

Me: You’re only 20.

Punk: But tonight, I’m 21 (wink wink) right?

Me: Ummmmm, no…now move along sonny.

Punk: Don’t you think that if I am old enough to join the Army, I should be able to buy a beer?

Me: No…not when you’re an asshole. Now get out of here.

Punk: You’re a jerk.

Me: Ha. I know, but guess what? I’m old enough to drink. Hee Hee. Now get out of here.

50 year old or so Female Customer who saw and heard the end of the exchange: Ha Ha Ha Ha, Well done.

Me: Ha. Thanks!!

Ahhhhhhhhh, I love that shit. Now…

In case you missed I’m With Stupid this past Saturday on Blog Talk Radio, you can listen to it in archives by utilizing this handy dandy BTR machine:

 

We talked Kentucky Derby, Mother’s Day and a whole bunch of other stuff. 

In spite of NBC and Time Warner trying to keep us down, we persevered with some funny stuff so listen if and when you can…please.

I shall be gone much of the day, so I will catch you all when I can. Have a wonderful Tuesday, and as always…

Cheers!!

Riches Aren't Always at the End of a Rainbow; Sometimes They're Staring You in the Face

Yesterday was a nice day…a good day…a simple kind of day that made, and always makes me smile.

I woke up around 7:30, walked into the living room and there to greet me was my BFF/OSP Schmoop, with a smile and a good morning.

We watched and made fun of FOX News for a few minutes and then chatted for awhile.

After putting up a couple of simple things on my website and Facebook, I called my son.

I asked him if he followed through with my strict orders to do something for his mom for Mother’s Day, and he responded:

“Dad…You know I told you I would write her a poem, and I did. I also bought her a bracelet.”

I asked…

“Sweeeeeet. Did she cry?”

Ryno said:

“She cried while she read the poem and then bawled afterwards when I gave her the bracelet.”

Here’s the thing people, and here is yet another example and proof that Ryno is my son.

The clever little shit texted the poem so it would be the first thing she saw in the morning, and her, thinking that that was it for Mother’s Day, only then did he present her with a mother/son bracelet, and she wailed in joy.

Yes, my friends…My boy has the gift of smoothness and charm, and…I told him to, unlike me, use it only for good.

After the phone call, I went to work at the Beer Mine. The day started off cloudy and slow at work and then Pizza Bill and his lovely wife showed up for non-work related reasons and we hung out for awhile.

We laughed, chuckled, generally made fun of others, and Bill's wife and I made fun of Bill, or as he shall from here on out, be known as, Sean or Shawn...it all works.

Not too long after they departed, my son Ryno and his mom showed up to collect their weekly bounty. 

As typical and quite nicely I might add, they brought a couple of McDonald’s Double Cheeseburgers for me as well.

In between customers, the three of us laughed, shot the shit, and his mom showed me the incredibly cute bracelet that our son had gotten her.

After about 20 minutes, they departed in order to go be with her family for a Mother’s Day gathering. It was nice.

Shortly afterwards, an old girlfriend of mine whom I dated for some five years some twenty plus years ago, came through with her two, twenty something daughters.

We chuckled for a few minutes, the old flame gave me shit for not giving her a discount and then ultimately I asked her...

“So which one of your daughters is mine?”

Hilarity ensued…and then they left to go to the movies. And yeah, it was nice seeing her and her daughters.

On top of that, everyone who came through the Beer Mine was pleasant and in a good mood. I like that.

You see, I don’t ask for much…If the majority of folks in this world are happy and being pleasant to others, that’s all I need.

And yesterday, that’s exactly what I got…oh, and pre-work sex from Schmoop, I got that as well. Maybe that’s why I started the day off in a good mood and remained that way all damn day.

Yeah…I think that may have had something to do with it, but really…that was merely icing on the cake…or pie as it were.

All of the things and all of the people I mentioned are always around me; sometimes I and probably you as well, forget about those things...and those people.

We really shouldn't.  The world is a better place and so are we, because of them.

Cheers!!

Jack Link's: The Beef Jerky With a Heart

I worked all day yesterday, so I didn’t get to go over and see my son Ryno Easter morning.

Not a real big deal, I mean Hell, he’ll be 17 in October so it’s not like he was laying around expecting an Easter basket full of Peeps and chocolate bunnies or anything.

However…

I talked to him Easter morning before work and Ryno told me that he and his mom and were going to swing by the Beer Mine on their way to his mom’s sister’s house for Easter.

With this in mind, when I got to work I said to myself, “what the hell”, grabbed a sack, and bought Ryno a few munchie type things that I know he likes...

Winterfresh gum…a couple of Reese’s Cups…an Arnold Palmer Arizona Tea, and Herr’s Cheesy Bacon Ranch Friez:

I got him one other thing as well. You see, after many months of sporting braces, Ryno got his braces off for good last week.

So…

I bought him something that he loves and something he has been unable to eat for quite some time:

Yep. Jack Link's Peppered Beef Jerky.

When Ryno saw the jerky, he said:

“Oh wow, I haven’t had this since I got my braces. I love this stuff.”

I said, “I know.”

Ryno smiled, hugged me, and said, “Thanks Dad, I love you.”

Winterfresh gum, Reese’s Cups, Arnold Palmer Iced Tea, and Herr’s Ranch Friez: $4.40

Jack Link's Peppered Beef Jerky: $1.49

Getting a hug and an “I Love You” from my nearly 17 year old son outside of a Drive Thru which sits along a busy street all because of some beef jerky:

Priceless.

Shortly after that, Ryno and his mom drove off to their Easter dinner, and I worked the rest of the day with a smile on my face knowing that a simple $5.89 investment can yield one helluva dividend.

I like that, and I want to thank Schmoop for spotting me the cash that on this Easter, funded the smiles of a couple of clowns.

Happy Monday all.

Cheers!!

Brooklyn Decker Naked: Things Are Warming Up!!

I got nothing’ and today I shall be busy…sorta…kinda…whatever. So, let’s quickly recap this past week’s events.

The Packers won the Super Bowl. I had a birthday and got drunk. Egyptians, using a play from the Jewish playbook, freed themselves from bondage.

That about sums things up. You’re welcome.

And now a pretty picture of Brooklyn Decker naked…

Trust me…in my mind, she is very, very naked, and so am I.

Anyhoo…

Ryno did have a basketball game last night and the ECA Lions roared to victory:

The box score:

MIAMI VALLEY (44) — Robinson 1 0-0 3, C. Roe 4 0-0 11, Lemon 1 0-2 2, Benedict 2 3-4 8, Makiewicz 3 5-7 12, B. Watson 2 2-4 8. Totals: 13 10-17 44.

EMMANUEL CHRISTIAN (52) — D. Stroder 0 0-1 0, R. Mahoney 2 1-2 7, J. Klawer 2 0-2 5, K. Stewart 3 2-4 8, E. Aikens 1 0-0 2, J. Reep 4 5-7 13, A. Stumpf 1 1-2 3, M. Scott 6 2-4 14. Totals: 19 11-22 52.

3-pointers: Miami Valley 8 ( Robinson 1, C. Roe 3, Benedict 1, Makiewicz 1, B. Watson 2); Emmanuel Christian 3 (R. Mahoney 2, J. Klawer 1).

My little sophomore had a good game. I leave right after the game so that by the time Ryno gets out of the building, he can call me.

It puts a smile on my face to hear the smile on his over the phone after a game like that. The Lions have another one tonight, so here’s to a good game boys.

That’s all I got. That’s all there is. There isn’t any more.

Have a wonderful weekend. I will, because we will be in the 40’s by tomorrow. Praise Jeebus!!

Cheers!!

Hump Day Hodgepodge...The Sexism Dies With Me

Happy Hump Day Chuckleheads!! Time for some Hump Day Hodgepodge.

I have a few unrelated things for ya today, so you sister/hot cousin named Betty Sue lovin’ boys south of the Ohio river need not pay attention.

Anyhoo…

I have a new daily installment for your reading enjoyment. Every morning I talk to my 16 year old son Ryno at 6:55 AM prior to him getting ready for school.

Our brief 7-10 minute phone call or our ten minute drive to school when I take him, never fails to elicit a funny remark on his part, so beginning today I give you…

A Moment of Ryno's Rancor™

Tuesday while driving him to school as I sense him staring at me…

Me: What?

Ryno: There’s something about your face that just makes me want to punch it.

And there you have it… A Moment of Ryno's Rancor™

I just heard on the news that President Obama hasn’t had a cigarette in nearly a year. That tidbit of info reminded me that I will be taking the plunge into the pool of smoke-free waters exactly one month from today.

Yep, on Ash Wednesday March 9th, I will be giving up smokes for 46 days. Pray for me, and more importantly, pray for those around me.

It’s cold today and will be even colder tomorrow, but the sun is out and I hear that by Sunday we will be in the low 40’s Praise Jeebus. Temps in 40’s will make it feel like summer ‘round here.

My BFF/OSP Schmoop said something incredibly funny last night. I just can’t remember what it was.

And now, time for my weekly shameless promo for this week’s I’m With Stupid radio show on Blog Talk Radio on Thursday at 11 PM EST…

Tomorrow night Jay “It’s Snowing Again.Really?Fuck!!” Man and yours truly will be launching a Valentine’s Day Boycott!!

Damn right Bitches…

All the V-Day ads for lingerie, teddy bears, jewelry, and pajamas are running 24/7 on radio and TV berating and brow beating men into forgetting they have balls and telling them that if they don’t get their chick a V-Day present, they are losers.

Where are the ads telling women that love is a two way street and perhaps that chicks should buy their special guy some Valentine’s Day swag?

It’s bullshit and since guys get the short end of the stick, we’re sticking it to Valentine’s Day through our Valentine’s Day Boycott!!

Please join Jay, Dick Burns, Guy Ahnyurdyck, and myself on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio Thursday at 11 PM EST, and chime in with your thoughts on this horrifically sexist holiday.

You can access our radio show page by clicking HERE.

Until the next time, as always…

Cheers!!

I'm A Year Older Today, But Still Havin' Fun!!

Forty-six years ago on February 7, 1965 I was delivered from my mom's womb.

Actually, as the last of nine kids, I more or less just fell out. But nonetheless, I came into this world, and here I am still...somehow.

Anyhoo...

Sunday evening was a good time. I went over to Ryno's to have a Super Bowl/Birthday Eve party...Just Ryno, his mom, and myself. It was nice.

The food was excellent. We had a myriad of different chips with corn salsa and the ex made some fantastic homemade sliders...

The best thing? His mom sent me home with all four that were leftover. She wanted to get a birthday cake, but Ryno reminded her that I am not a big cake fan so, she picked these up...


Cute, and delicious. After the obligatory singing of Happy Birthday, I opened the most touching B-Day card I have ever received, and hand picked by Ryno...


The message inside was even more touching...


Inside the card was a cartoon that Ryno drew prior to my arrival just for his dear, OLD dad...


And then came a couple of presents...Father's Day, Christmas, or my birthday, Ryno insists on having his mom get me T-Shirts that he thinks I will find funny. First up, this one...


And this was one was found incredibly amusing by his mom...


I dig 'em both. Of course, his mom had to take a picture of me and our little man prior to my departure...


It was fun and I thank them both. And now today, since it's officially my birthday, I shall party all day today and once Schmoop gets home from work we will tip a few, cut up, make fun of others and each other, and then...have hot, sweaty Birthday sex.

Damn...I'm a lucky guy, indeed.

Enjoy your Monday, and as always...

Cheers!!

Life Lessons from the Basketball Court

A tough loss for the ECA Lions last night as they fell 49-42 to move to 6-7 on the season.

Those boys were missing shots from as close as two feet from the basket. I could have built an addition to the school with all the bricks they were throwing up.

Oy…

Ryno played some good defense but only went one for three from 3 pt. land. Oh well, these things happen, but there was a bright spot.

The ex was sitting some ten rows over from me with her brother and his wife. We had spoken briefly before the game and we were in plain view of one and other from our respective seats.

Sure, we get along decently now, but there still moments of contentiousness between us. However…

Late in the game, Ryno was outside the arc, the ball was kicked out to him, and he promptly drained a three pointer.

As the voice from the announcer filled the gym with the booming resonation of, “Three point shot good by Ryan Mahooooooooney.”….

I looked over at the ex, she at me, and we smiled at each other shaking our heads in the affirmative as she flashed two fingers at me twice in acknowledgement of our sweet Number 22, Ryno.

In spite of any problems she and I have had in the past, present, or may have in the future, when our kid does well, all the bad noise between her and I fades into the background like the echoes of the announcer’s voice.

As it should be with all parents, married or not.

Happy Saturday, all.

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Packers, Bears, Jets, Steelers...and Lions, Oh My!!

Another sunny, but cold Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio but the cold is no big deal because many Americans will be huddled around their TVs.

The NFC and AFC Football Championships will be taking place today.

In the first game, the Aaron Rodgers led Cheeseheads from Green Bay will invade Chicago’s Soldier Field and tangle with the Monsters of the Midway led by Jay Cutler.

In the late game, Jimmy Hoffa and the New Jersey Jets will plow westward in order to do battle with the Pittsburgh Steelers led by Troy Polamalu’s hair and Big Ben Roethlisberger’s dork.

It should be a fun-filled day full of drinking, trash talking, and hard hitting action, and that is just from the domestic violence that will be taking place across the country.

The games themselves should be just as exciting.

I have no idea why, but I am picking the Jets and the Packers to prevail today. I just feel that they are playing their best football of the season at the right time.

I’ll be taking in the first game on the road with others, and watch the second game within the friendly confines of the Bagwine digs. Should be a wonderful day.

In other sports news…

My son Ryno (Number 22) and the ECA Lions took on the Ohio Division IV seventh ranked Irish of Springfield Catholic Central. There were pre-game rumors of a blowout in the makings by the Irish.

It was anything but…

After trailing by 13 at the end of the third quarter, the Lions roared back and with 29.4 seconds left, Ryno drained his third three pointer of the night to bring them within 4.

Alas, time was on the side of the Irish and they held on for a 59-58 victory over the Lions. And with that I give you the box score:

EMMANUEL CHRISTIAN (58) — R. Mahoney 3 0-0 9, J. Klawer 2 0-1 5, K. Stewart 2 4-4 9, J. Reep 3 1-2 9, A. Stumpf 2 0-0 4, M. Scott 7 6-10 22. Totals: 19 11-17 58.

CATHOLIC CENTRAL (59) — J. Aldridge 6 2-3 14, H. Hagerman 4 2-2 12, C. Timmons 2 0-0 4, C. Latham 6 1-4 13, R. Rankin 1 0-1 2, A. Chase 2 0-0 4, M. Ellis 4 2-6 10. Totals: 25 7-16 59.

3-pointers: Emmanuel 8 (R. Mahoney 3, J. Klawer 1, J. Reep 2, M. Scott 2). Central 2 (J. Aldridge 2).

In spite of the loss, it was a somewhat sloppy but exciting game, and it was exciting to watch the R-Man go 3-5 from 3 point land. Here’s to the Lions who held their own against one of the best Division IV HS Basketball teams in the state.

Amen, and Amen…

Enjoy the games and the lilting wailing of police sirens as they respond to the domestic violence calls.

Cheers!!

Hodgepodgical Hump Day

Okay you chuckleheads…Time for some Hump Day Hodgepodge. Let’s rip it up!!

There wasn’t a Varsity basketball game, but my son Ryno did have a JV game Tuesday evening. How did he do you ask?

4 of 9 from 3 pt. range and a 2 pointer for a total of 14 pts.

Oddly, the two pointer he sank was the first time all season he has made anything other than a three pointer. He also had four rebounds, four assists, and played some damn good defense which yielded 4 steals.

Here’s to the R-Man and the team as a whole as they won 56-38. His next games (JV and Varsity) are this Saturday night. Godspeed my seed, Godspeed.

Since my eyesight uncorrected is nearly 20/800, it’s fun to take my glasses off and look at the lights on the Christmas tree. It’s like experiencing the fun of dropping acid without the adverse side affects.

Schmoop is in day three of her monthly shedding of her uterine lining. It hasn’t knocked her on her ass quite as badly this month as it usually does, and we’re happy about that.

Nonetheless…

Thursday night at 11 PM EST on I’m With Stupid’s Hot Blogger Chicks and Sexy Twitter Babes episode, our lusty correspondent Kim Fragile will have a live remote report from Schmoop’s uterus. Fun for the entire family!!

My mom has been gone nearly five years, but I thought of her yesterday. I was working on a hit piece about someone and I thought of something she would frequently ask of me…

“Matthew, why do you always have to see how far you can push people?”

I would always reply, “Because it’s fun, Mom!!”

We would both chuckle, although she’d be shaking her head while doing so. The thought of her made me smile.

Something I learned New Year’s Eve that, like Al Gore, will remain forever seared into my memory is this…

Even if there is an uber-special on pork roast and you can get a 4 pound piece of pig for 10 bucks?

Don’t buy it if there are only two of you who are going to eat it. The Schmoopster and I still have fucking loads of oink meat in the fridge!!

Now, if I could get 4 pounds of bacon for 10 bucks, we could eat that type of pig in a single sitting.

Lessee, what else?

Oh. The funniest thing I heard over the recent holidays was as follows…

Christmas morning after Ryno opened all his presents, I was sitting on the couch with his mom who was talking to her mom on the phone.

Ryno was laying on the floor tossing his new basketball in the air and catching it.

Well, evidently the size, roundness, and smoothness of the new ball made him think of my bald head, because out of the blue, with ball in hand, he turned to me and asked:

“Dad? Do you still have to use shampoo?”

The boy is a riot.

Happy Hump Day all, and as always…

Cheers!!

Fifteen Minutes

I was in a funk yesterday. A major funk.

Eh, it happens, but then…

I picked my kid up from school for the fifteen minute trek back to his house, and the funk melted away.

Ryno and I discussed his exams and then I said to him…

“Dude, do something funny. I’m in a grumpy state of mind.”

And he said to me…

“Dad, I can’t be funny all the time. I can’t just BE funny.”

I said…“Oh, c’mon.”

He replied…

“Dad, I know that people think I can, but I can’t just turn it on and off.”

That statement from the, less than little man, made me smile exponentially. I knew exactly what he meant by that. Hell, I’ve lived it…all my life

After we talked about what he said and our commonality, we high fived and then I asked him…

“Ryno? Do people, like say, Mom, Grandma, or whoever, get mad if you’re in a bad mood?”

He quickly retorted…

“Oh Crap Dad, it’s like I’m the only one in the world who is never ALLOWED or EXPECTED to be in a bad mood.”

After I told him that I felt his pain in my best, yet awful Bill Clinton impersonation, we high fived again.

Those fifteen minutes with Ryno, were the highlight of my day yesterday, and those fifteens minutes will always be in my heart.

I know that no matter what, there is at least one person who understands me, and that one person knows that I understand him.

Cheers!!

Radio-Thon for Ryno...A Star Studded Affair!!

It’s Thursday December 9th, and we have a ton of shit going on so let’s get to it, Bitches…

Okay, so tonight at 11 PM EST?

Jayman and I are doing a Blog Talk Radio Show…a VERY SPECIAL BTR Show on I’m With Stupid which features my poor, born-again son, Ryno.

Ryno's Christmas will suck because I was laid off by this man…


And Jay and I are doing a Radio-Thon for the recipient of his evil ways, my son, Ryno.

Hell…customers (such as Rich) come through, begging for my return to the Beer Mine as depicted by this sign on his truck…


Yet, due to economics and Mikey’s cold, cold heart, I remain a stay at home…loser!!

However…

Jay and I will, on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio tonight at 11 PM EST, make certain that Ryno has a wonderful Christmas with our…

Radio-Thon for Ryno, A Star Studded Affair!!

Jessica Alba, Samuel L. Jackson, Al Roker, and Justin Bieber will be there.

As will, Eve Plumb, Kanye West, Jack Jones, and Marilyn McCoo…

If you have a problem with THAT celebrity laden line-up…you have a problem with LIFE!!

Please help my kid out and celebrate the Christmas season by listening, calling in, and contributing to the Christmas Radio-Thon for Ryno.


We have plenty of surprises for you, so please tune in and surprise us, and Ryno, with your generosity.

Also, we will highlight our most splendid and unobtrusive College Bowl “Pick Em” Game which you can enter by clicking HERE. (Make sure to choose the “straight pick” line item.)

Fun and Prizes for the whole family.

Anyhoo…

Thursday at 11 PM EST we will celebrate all things Ryno and hopefully raise enough stuff to fulfill his Christmas wishes.

If you want to listen, call-in, or do both and even contribute, just click HERE and that link will waft you off to our radio page.

Until tonight at 11 PM EST…

Cheers!!

Let Them Know It's Christmas Time

Today I begin my first full week of being on the public dole. It’s sad, but as I said upon finding out last week, it’s much harder on the little ones.

Especially at Christmas time.

I spent some time with my son Ryno Sunday night. The poor fellow…he’s very unnerved by my untimely occupational misfortune.

After some time discussing the situation and sharing more than a few tears, Ryno went over to his sparsely decorated Christmas tree, kneeled down beside it, and while choking back his despair, and asked…


“Daddy? Will we still have Christmas? Will We?”

As my heart sank, my hands trembled, and my thoughts turned to the Little Baby Jesus, I said to Ryno…

“As God as my witness, you will have Christmas no matter what. In fact, my pal Jayman and I have already discussed how we are going to make it happen.”

Yes folks…This Thursday at 11 PM EST on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio, Jayman and I will be holding a Radio-Thon for Ryno!!

We’re going to make certain that this Christmas is the best one ever for a kid, who simply goes through life with love in his heart and hope for the future.

Wouldn’t you like to help us, help a precious child...like Ryno?

Of course you would, and we know you will, because we know that the spirit of Santa and the natal Nazarene dwells within your hearts…and your souls.

So ladies and gentlemen join Jay and myself Thursday at 11 PM EST (That’s right Thursday!!) on I’m With Stupid and help us spread the Christmas joy to a worried little boy.

We will have celebrities galore chiming in, a new Christmas song, and we will be taking your calls and your Christmas pledges for I’m With Stupid’s favorite son....

my son, Ryno.

Make sure to tune in Thursday and help us to shine the light of Christmas upon Ryno…


Even Justin Bieber is helping out…

(Click where it says: "twaud.io)

You can go to our I’m with Stupid Radio page by clicking HERE.

And if you do, check out our Hanukkah Special from last week. It was really good, until I decided to join Moses for a walk through the wilderness and never returned…

Have a wonderful Monday, and c’mon….share the spirit with a babe in need.

Cheers!!

I'm With Stupid: Happy Hanukkahpalooza, Bitches!!

It’s Friiiiiday so let’s get jiggy with it!!

Tonight at 11 PM EST on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio, Jayman and myself will be celebrating Hanukkah.

Damn right and Oy Vay!!

We will be getting our Jewish on as we discuss the beauty of the knish, the beauty of Natalie Portman and Sarah Silverman, and of course, the horror that is Antiochus IV.

Jayman has an interview with Mizz Portman, we have some news blow outs that will make your mind explode and…

We have a sponsor for this week’s show…

Damn right…The Christmas toy that is soon to be sweeping the nation will unveil itself on tonight’s show.

How can we compact all of this excitement into an hour? We don’t know either, but Praise to the Maccabee Children, we shall try.

We will also have a semi-live sports report…

My beloved Ryno has his first varsity High School basketball game tonight, and…with the team’s big guy out with an ankle injury, he may start.
We will have all the stats and scores when you listen in to I'm With Stupid at 11 PM EST.

Speaking of Ryno…He said something to me on the way to school yesterday. He said…

“Dad, Mom told me you got laid off. I just have to ask…Daddy, will there still be Christmas?”

I wept.

Oh sure, I can survive. Schmoop and I will muddle through during my unemployment, but really…

It’s the little ones who suffer. And folks, my Ryno is suffering.

It’s all about the children, and at times like these…it hurts.

Have a wonderful day and as always…

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Up and Down

It’s going to be a warm and windy Sabbath here in Bagwine, Ohio today making my stint at the Beer Mine from 11-7 relatively comfortable.

Let me tell ya; that will be more than welcome as yesterday at the Mine was full of many ups and downs.

Early in the day Drive-By Mikey called me and we discussed the abysmal state of beer sales in Bagwine.

I think that due to the economy, people have turned to cooking their own meth instead of drinking. I am going to try to confirm my hypothesis by checking to see if sales of Sterno and Sudafed are on the rise.

After our depressing conversation, I looked out to the lot and there in their van sat Ryno and his mom. My mood improved.

Ryno’s mom and I held our weekly exchange. I gave her 130 dollars and she gave me a Double Cheeseburger and a cup of coffee. As that trade-off demonstrates, I am one helluva wily negotiator.

Eh, my mood improved as Ryno described how well he played during his basketball scrimmage that they had just come from.

And then…Ryno pulled out his Interim Report Card. My heart sank briefly as I envisioned his usual cadre of C’s, D’s, and F’s, and then I opened it up.

Praise Jeebus!! He had 4 A’s, a B, and 2 C’s. Hopefully, he has broken his habitual academic laziness for good. My mood was pretty good upon seeing the grades.

And then my mind wandered back to the state of my employment as I noticed the lack of business coming through the Mine.

Eh…Later in the day shortly after the sun had gone down, I was waiting on a guy and the car behind him freaked the shit right out of me.

I noticed a police officer in an unmarked car. Sitting…Idling…Staring. I thought to myself…

“Fuck. Did I sell to a minor?”

Panic set in, as in a matter of 2.3 seconds, I recalled every customer that had come through on Saturday.

He pulled up, rolled down his window, and in quite the official tone said, “Good Evening, Sir.”

I thought, “Oh Boy, here comes the other shoe.”

Turns out that he wasn’t there to arrest me for mistakenly selling a can of Steel Reserve to an eight year old with a beard which made me happy, however…

Instead he was there to alert me to the fact that several Drive-Thrus in Bagwine had recently been robbed at gunpoint. Weeeeeeee. Put a happy hat on me after that info!!

So much for the short lived joy of my non-arrest…I had another thing to worry about. And worry I did.

Instead of truly paying attention to what I was doing, I was watching the street while waiting on customers.

In fact I was so distracted, that last night’s drawer could very well be off hundreds of dollars. Not literally, but you get the point.

I was focused on the perimeter of the Mine not the money I was handling.

And then…

My rollercoaster of emotions got a bit of a lift about an hour before close. A regular came through and told me how his girlfriend had just told him that I was the best Drive-Thru guy on the planet.

That was nice. I smiled as I paced around the outside of the building keeping an eye out for neer-do-wells.

My nervousness was broken with a laugh as I waited on a hot, barely 18 year chick and her hot friend just before close.

The chick wanted cigarettes. I carded her and upon seeing she had turned 18 last month I sold them to her and then she asked…

“Hey, you wouldn’t mind selling me a 24 ounce Corona, would ya?” To which I responded…

“Sure dear.”

With happiness beaming from her face with the light of a thousand suns she said…

“Really!!?” And I chuckled and retorted…

“No.”

Ha!! As she drove off, she didn’t know whether to laugh at me or be pissed off at me. I like leaving that impression on people.

In a muck and mire of up and downs I drove home and walked into the digs at around 9:10 and was greeted with this:


(Check out the orb that showed up in the picture. We have spirits living in the digs.!!)

Yep. Christmas has come to Bagwine. In spite of her disdain for Christmas, Schmoop had decorated the apartment for Christmas because she knows I dig it.

After a few beers and a pint of Rose, I thanked Schmoop…Twice!!

Amen, and Amen…

Have a wonderful Sunday and I’ll see ya ‘round the internets after work and my Sunday night visit to Ryno.

Cheers!!