Anymore we have no spring, no fall…just cold, dead winter, and hot, dry summer.
We used to have SEASONS. You know, FOUR of them. Not anymore.
Why so cranky, you ask?
Well, I’m hot, and I don’t like to be hot. We have no air because the motherfucker is broken…again.
Do you remember the saga last year? I know that you do. So, it’s fan city until it gets fixed.
Why so cranky, you ask?
Well, I’m hot, and I don’t like to be hot. We have no air because the motherfucker is broken…again.
Do you remember the saga last year? I know that you do. So, it’s fan city until it gets fixed. When will that be, you ask? According to the head maintenance guru…A big fat NEVER.
Know why? He’s the only one, responsible for fifty million apartments, that can do it!!
I do love Rob, he’s the best, and quite fucking funny, but like I said, he’s the only one.
He showed me yesterday the thick ass pile of workorders he has. Oh well, I can deal. It sucks, but I can deal.
Hey, wait a minute! It’s storming!!! Thunder, lightning, RAIN!! Oh thank you in the highest to the Holy Baby Jeebus!!
The farmer’s are out dancing in the fields!! The air smells good!! Yea!!!!
Oh, and I had to shut the windows, because that’s the only damn time air comes in, but so does the rain!! ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Now I’m hot AND damp…And not in a good, “Damn, Matt-Man. I never knew a guy's tongue could be Double Jointed” kinda way!!
I am HOT, SWEATY, and MISERABLE.
When I was a kid, we used to go outside in this shit, and stand under the eaves of our house, sometimes under a tree! I know, risky! Most likely in a bathing suit.
Nowadays at my age, I would never do such a thing. Wear a bathing suit that is, I’ll still go out and play in the thunderstorm.
But I digress…When we were busy playing in the rain, lightning, and thunder as adorable children…
My Mom didn’t even think about telling us to come in. Hell no, we were out of her hair! Sometimes, we’d play kickball during hellatious thunderstorms, and slide in the mud!
My siblings are older than me, but we would all stand out in the thunderstorm, looking up at the sky saying, “Bring it on, Mother Fuckin’ Nature!!”
Mom probably thought, “Damn, I’ve got six kids….hmmm…how many can be eliminated during this one? How about their Dad too? Please Jesus, if you love me you’ll show me via a lightning strike.”
She didn’t really think that…right? I’ll have to ask. On the other hand…I don’t think I want to know. Outside of the Dad thing, of course. I know what the answer to THAT question is!
Anyhoo…It sucks in the Bagwine digs…again. But, there is some relief while waiting for Rob to get through his Mt. Everest sized stack of work orders.
Old, clever Matt-Man has utilized two fans and the ceiling fans to drop the apartment temp by about 7 degrees.
Hey, wait a minute! It’s storming!!! Thunder, lightning, RAIN!! Oh thank you in the highest to the Holy Baby Jeebus!!
The farmer’s are out dancing in the fields!! The air smells good!! Yea!!!!
Oh, and I had to shut the windows, because that’s the only damn time air comes in, but so does the rain!! ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Now I’m hot AND damp…And not in a good, “Damn, Matt-Man. I never knew a guy's tongue could be Double Jointed” kinda way!!
I am HOT, SWEATY, and MISERABLE.When I was a kid, we used to go outside in this shit, and stand under the eaves of our house, sometimes under a tree! I know, risky! Most likely in a bathing suit.
Nowadays at my age, I would never do such a thing. Wear a bathing suit that is, I’ll still go out and play in the thunderstorm.
But I digress…When we were busy playing in the rain, lightning, and thunder as adorable children…
My Mom didn’t even think about telling us to come in. Hell no, we were out of her hair! Sometimes, we’d play kickball during hellatious thunderstorms, and slide in the mud!
My siblings are older than me, but we would all stand out in the thunderstorm, looking up at the sky saying, “Bring it on, Mother Fuckin’ Nature!!”
Mom probably thought, “Damn, I’ve got six kids….hmmm…how many can be eliminated during this one? How about their Dad too? Please Jesus, if you love me you’ll show me via a lightning strike.”
She didn’t really think that…right? I’ll have to ask. On the other hand…I don’t think I want to know. Outside of the Dad thing, of course. I know what the answer to THAT question is!
Anyhoo…It sucks in the Bagwine digs…again. But, there is some relief while waiting for Rob to get through his Mt. Everest sized stack of work orders.
Old, clever Matt-Man has utilized two fans and the ceiling fans to drop the apartment temp by about 7 degrees. The crafty, little shit strategically placed and rotated them.
(And trust me that is the first time the words “positioned” and “rotated” have ever been used in conjunction with Matt and it didn’t involve a woman.)
If it weren’t for him, things could be worse up here. And…I’m almost done shedding my uterus for the month.
So maybe today, and definitely by Saturday, we can just lay around naked.
But even if we are naked, and I hear Rob knock on the door? I am pushing Matt’s nakedness away from me, letting Rob in, and in all of my naked glory say to Rob…
"Make it blow, Rob…Make it so, Rob."
Zoves,
Schmoop
(And trust me that is the first time the words “positioned” and “rotated” have ever been used in conjunction with Matt and it didn’t involve a woman.)
If it weren’t for him, things could be worse up here. And…I’m almost done shedding my uterus for the month.
So maybe today, and definitely by Saturday, we can just lay around naked.
But even if we are naked, and I hear Rob knock on the door? I am pushing Matt’s nakedness away from me, letting Rob in, and in all of my naked glory say to Rob…
"Make it blow, Rob…Make it so, Rob."
Zoves,
Schmoop
20 comments:
From that picture, I can see that your apartment is very well maintained so I'm totally shocked, shocked I tell you, that your A/C is on the fritz.
I hate it in ways I can't really express when it gets hot and the A/C is kaput.
Cheers
You may as well stay naked Schmoop. After today, back into the 80's and hitting 90 on Monday. I see sweatier than normal sex in your future...Please. Cheers!!
Does that mean you are giving Rob permission to blow Matt-Man? And that Matt-Man has agreed to that? Sounds like an entirely different post to me!
David: That isn't really the a/c, but right now it might as well be! I'm with you on the hot, hopefully I'll have cool soon.
Matt: You wish.
D: Suck it big bro!
Dana: I guess it does sound that way, doesn't it? Hmmm, think I'll save that for another day, thanks for the idea!
You still got that screaming fan "you" bought at Mall Wart.
Call Red Green over, maybe he can do somthing with it to make it a redneck AC.
I bet he can!
Hot bad! I believe I would sell my soul for air conditioning :)
Schmoop you are one funny Gal.
Mick: No, don't have that one anymore! Ha! Now the one I bought is LOUDER! Actually, Rob IS Red Green!
Lu: Today isn't so bad, but I'm looking at 90's very, very soon. Thanks for thinking I'm funny!!
...in the Bizarro World, you would be freezing your (un-dispatchable)ass off...
Phrankie: You are correct sir, and in the Bizarro world, Matt would be normal!!
another separated at birth moment for us - when I was a kid Mom always told me to take the younger ones out in a storm - and stay there!
every time my AC unit makes a new noise I have major anxiety attacks
you may not feel cool - but you are cool - hot stuff.
Diane: Ha! If Ma would've had golf clubs, she would have sent us out with them! "No, it's ok, stand under the tree, it's only God saying hello." Thanks for the cool, and hot comment!!
I really don't know if I could survive in humidity...
I don't know how you survive Mateo.
smile.
Just borrow Matt's boxer brief/sleep short outfit...your hoo-ha will stay dry and you will not be so hot.
Maybe Rob is sabotaging the air conditioner just so he can see you naked. I would. ;-)
And, this may seem like a crazy idea, but maybe they should just replace that air conditioner with a new one. You might suggest it.
Kat: The humidity is bad, but not today. Surviving Matt? So very easy!
Bond: I already have my own, and I am so much cooler, and hotter!!
Jay: Could be, I'll have to ask! Acutally, these apartments are so very old, and the units are enclosed in closet type areas. It's not his fault, just no money for major repairs.
Bleeding like a stuck pig WITH no AC to boot??
I'm staying the fuck out of Ohio 'til that blows over.
Candice: Honey, it never blows over! Really.
In the winter,you can always add another blanket for the heat, but in the summer, you can only get so naked! I hate the heat!! Stick some ice in your undies!
Metalmom: So true, but if I get tooooo naked, I get attacked, which means more heat!! Although, that kind of heat I can dig!!
Without air conditioning my husband would wilt. Me I like the heat.
Hope you stop shedding your uterus for good soon. It is the best time in your life. Sex everyday if you want.
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