Thursday, March 11, 2010

ABBA Lives!!

So…How do I begin this?

For those of you who think I am a big asshole. A sarcastic SOB. A jerk. I have something to tell you…

You’re right, but…

I have a weakness…I LOVE ABBA.

And…I want to get them back together. Of course they never will, even for ten gazillion dollars, so I thought to myself.

Self?

Why don’t you get them back together in your own damn way?

That is exactly what I am doing now. I am putting together a band called, MATTBA.

It will be a tribute band honoring not only the music, but the lifestyle that is ABBA.

I will wear a cape. I will get married and divorced from some hot chick. I will trend towards writing disco songs when the going gets tough.

Here’s the rub…

I need three more people to join me...Two hot singing chicks and a guy with whom I can write.

Benny and Bjorn are damn good, but Matt-Man and "Mr. X" could be magnificent, and it could be you.

So folks…I am accepting resumes.

Now Schmoop could be the hot red head, but do I really want a chick on tour with me that just nags and nags and wants me to cook for her?

I don't fucking think so, and plus…I wanna go on tour and score big time with some unearthly looking blondes who are larger than life and have enormous hair.

Schmoop can be the manager. That leaves all three positions open for you guys…and gals.

If you need some reminding of how cool ABBA was, here’s a video. If you watch it…you can even picture me playing the guitar while wearing the cape. Enjoy…

Any takers?

Cheers!!

33 comments:

3 Men and a Lady said...

1st, if I were Schmoop I'd kick your ass for demoting me to manager. And 2nd, are you going to wear tight, white overalls like that guy on the left? LOL, b/c those are super hot!

I missed the Abba glory days (I think I was born in them actually), but my husband is a closet Abba fan, too. When he was a 1st grader all the kids' letters to Santa were printed in the paper and he asked for an Abba record, lol. I tease him all the time about it.

3 Men and a Lady said...

And I really do like the cat shirt-dress and white knee boots. So cute!

Turnbaby said...

ABBA RAWKS!!

I agrees that Schmoop should be the redhead. So you need a blonde--who can sing--and knows ABBA. Hmmmm---big boobs are NOT an impediment right?

hehehe

Matt-Man said...

TB: TURRRRRRRRRRRRN. No they're not an impediment, as you should know me better than that. They're an asset...or a boobset...er... whatever.

If you'd like to schedule an interview, I have the rest of the year open for you. Hope you guys are well. Cheers Sexy!!

3 Men and a Lady said...

I wasn't making fun of the cat dress and boots! I really DO like them, lol. The overalls are another story....

Jay said...

I think I might still have some bell bottom jeans and platform shoes in my closet somewhere.

And, I admit that I'm kind of an ABBA fan. I even saw the movie "Mama Mia".

Matt-Man said...

Lady: Ha...You can make fun of it all, its all "make-fun-able". Well, its a word now.

And please...I wear a cape in my day to day life so don't make fun of me. Cheers D!!

Matt-Man said...

Jay: I actually am a HUGE ABBA fan. The boys are talented, but well...you know...They had bad taste in clothes. Cheers Jay!!

The Covert Lover said...

I guess I'm disqualified unless I bleach my hair. :(
Too bad, I'd like to wear the boots AND the cape!

Matt-Man said...

Covert: You just apply as you are...I'm sure that you'll get "special" consideration. Purrrrr. Cheers Lover!!

Candice said...

I'll join assuming we can wear different outfits. Think something along the line of black spandex.

Oh, and fuck singing. I wanna rap!

Matt-Man said...

Candice: Wear all the black spandex you want but why do you mention it and torture me so? Holy Cow. Cheers Candice!!

Desert Rat said...

One word: choreography

These days, the ridiculous costuming just isn't going to be sufficient no matter how, um, (ouch this is painful), "great" they sound.

Mike said...

I was getting worried I might have to step up until I saw that Jay volunteered. WEEEW!!!!

I used to have an ABBA song saved in my favorites on youtube but it got copyrighted away.

Scott Oglesby said...

I’m in! I can write my ass of…present sentence excluded, and I’m like really, really, really ridiculously good looking. –that’s important for merchandise sales. And I have most of the rock star personality in that I enjoy the occasional speedball right to the carotid artery. So yea, SOLD!

katherine. said...

I know someone who can drive your tour bus. He even took me to see "mama mia"

Dianne said...

I love ABBA!!
Have all their albums and know the words to every song

I think Schmoop should be a member of the group, she'd be so hot

I can do the enormous hair thing but unfortunately my ass is just as huge and I'd probably fall off the platform heels

can I be publicist?

Micky-T said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Micky-T said...

I can build custom platform shoes for the band if you come help me on my site, vote for Bic.

Matt-Man said...

Rat: I detect some making fun of ABBA coming from you. Please say I am mistaken, because that could be a real friendship killer.

Mike: I hate when that happens, but yeah, good 'ol Jay. He's real trooper. Or is that Super Trooper? Ha. Cheer Mike!!

Scott: Okay Okay...Schmoop agreed with your ridiculously good looking statement and she's the manager so I guess you're in. Cheers Scott!!

Matt-Man said...

Kat: Damn that's right, and he's union. Tell him the bus is warming up whenever he's ready. Cheers Kat!!

Dianne: I know every damn song as well. I dig 'em. And sure you can be the publicist, but you have to have sex with me first. Is that so wrong? Cheers Di!!

Micky: Deal. Can they be crafted using mahogany? I shall be over to aid your cause this morning some time. Cheers Mick!!

David said...

I couldn't carry a tune in the proverbial bucket - in high school when everyone had to take some chorus and band, the teacher pulled me aside with the suggestion I just mouth the words

But I'll gladly sign up as tour bus driver or roadie - assuming I get to be an audience member.

I too love ABBA and saw the Momma Mia play in London and NYC as well as the movie.

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...I refuse to participate in this ridiculous charade on the grounds that, of all the sucky bands in the Known Universe, ABBA sucketh the mosteth...

Matt-Man said...

David: Well we have the bus driver lined up so if you want to be a raodie that's cool. I'll even anoint you as the Chief rodaie. How's that? Cheers David!!

Phfrankie: Be still my heart...We have our first disagreement. I think Benny and Bjorn are a pair of talented muthafuckahs. Cheers P-Man!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...'tis just my opinion, Good Sir. My sincerest hope is that this mere difference in musical tastes will not drive a wedge in our otherwise reciprically non-sexual relationship. (I do admit you would look fetching in a cape)...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Ha...Capes are big between my brother Marty and I. Just as it was with Frank Costanza's lawyer. If it were socially acceptable, I'd wear a cape everyday...or a skirt. Cheers P-Man!!

RobinF said...

I am a hot blonde and I can sing DAMN good... nuff said!

Matt-Man said...

Robin: Even so, are you Swedish, or in this case, Mattish, and can you prance around on 18" heels and wear 70's hi-tech knee pads like Agnetha? Cheers Robin!!

Four Dinners said...

My deepest sympathies old bean.

Now if you'd said something to the effect of "I would have cheerfully shagged Anni-Frid or Agnetha, or possibly both together" it would have been immediately understandable and forgivable.

Oh dear Matt-Man.

You are lost to sanity...;-)

Matt-Man said...

Four: You hit it on the head. Man...I would love to be the meat in the Abbbalicious Sandwich of those two. Cheers FD!!

David said...

Your interest in wearing capes AND skirts is challenging. Getting the hemlines properly coordinated or aligned requires a great deal of expertise.

At least that's what I've read.

Lu' said...

I can drive the bus :)

You saw Mama Mia then? I did performed live in Hershey Pa. I admit I didn't know but a few of the songs but the show was quite uplifting.

Matt-Man said...

Lu: You can do whatever you want. You know why? 'Cause you're Lu and I said so. The steering wheel of the bus is all yours, dammitt, drive us to insanity. Cheers Pal!!